Biology

Forgetfulness can be a terrible affliction.

The whole neighbourhood knew about Mr. Brighton’s forgetfulness. At the beginning, they used to laugh behind his back, though not with malice. They referred to him as the absent-minded professor. If you happened to be in the area, there’s a good chance that you would encounter a middle-aged man with a shock of mussed up white hair, reminiscent of that of Einstein. The buttons of his coat would be, as likely as not, done up wrong, giving him the air of a hobo. He’d be trudging along the pavement, head bowed, muttering to himself. Admittedly, he was seen one morning, leaving his home, closing the door, dressed in his brown jacket with the elbow patches and schoolbag in hand, starting off down the path. Mrs. Anderson, the neighbourhood busybody, happened to be drinking her coffee on the porch next door, shouted out:

“Good morning Professor. Are you going to school in your underwear, today?”

The professor looked down at his hairless white legs and, turning as red as a bullfighter’s muleta, bolted back home to put his trousers on.

The children at school, though they clearly liked him, would play little tricks on him and, boys being boys, would derive a naughty pleasure from his bafflement and gullibility. Like the time one of the kids, arriving late in class, apologized in these terms:

“Sorry I’m late, Sir, but we are 8 in the family and the alarm clock was only set for 7”.

 

Mr. Brighton is quite certain that his affliction, which was mild to begin with, was exacerbated by the tablets that the nutritionist, Dr. O. Beez, has given him to bring his overweight under control. The doctor has assured him that the medicine had no side effects.

Today, he is in his biology class, doing a head count of the students. All accounted for. A square cardboard box is sitting on his desk and he casually puts his hand on it and sweeps the room with his eyes, waiting for the restless children to settle down.

“Children”, he tells them, “we shall continue our lesson on the amphibians. Now, if you would approach the desk in an orderly fashion. No pushing and shoving, please.”

He might as well have asked them to storm the desk. He closes his eyes, resigned, and waits for the jostling and the noise to die down, then tells the eager kids:

“Today, Iet’s see if you are able to spot the differences between the frog and the toad.”

Lifting the lid of the box, he keeps his eyes on the children, wanting to see the joy and wonder on their little faces. All he sees is blank expressions and puzzlement. He lowers his eyes to the box and his jaw drops. Inside the box, there are three items, not two. A bagel, a banana and a yoghurt.

“Jesus Christ!” He mutters, what on earth have I had for breakfast?”     

Reviews

[barleygirl]

The pacing on this story is just right. I love the way it starts out, with your typically good attention to detail "giving him the air of a hobo" (kinda thought you were describing ME for a minute!) *smile* Then I loved your little foray into the observations of the neighborhood busy-body, to show this guy's forgetfulness. Then when we're in the classroom, he leans on the box, so we know this has to be from whence comes your classic twist! And I like the way you linger around the closed box for a bit, showing us the kids welling around, & drawing out the suspense just the right amount. This gives us time to try to imagine what might be in the box . . . aha! Breakfast! Good one! (I liked the Dr's name, too!) *smile*

[Woody]

thank you for a sweet analytic review and the kind words, M. :)))

((( ))) fill in the blanks. people are watching and I don't want them to get a wrong idea.

[Saad]

Hahahaha. I must say I love this character of Brighton. Full of humor, great synchronization and narration.
Well done. (Y)

[Woody]

thanks heaps dear friend. always a pleasure to know you enjoy my stories :)

[Samuel Dickens]

Oooooooh boy! Now, that's a real serious lapse of attention. It seems he might have noticed the kicking as they went down, not to mention the most un-banana, yogurt and bagel-like taste.

[Woody]

your reviews are hilarious, Sam. "the kicking as they went down" that ticled me to death.
thank you for taking the time, Sam.

[Will Neill]

Engluva, brilliant little story. Well written and a great lead up to a good punch line. Loved it.
Will

[Woody]

thanks a lot Will. always glad to make you laugh. sorry about the font. still working on it :(

[Great Aunt Astri]

This one got me giggling. The build up is all serious and then ... well what indeed did he have for his breakfast!!!! The French eat frogs!

[Woody]

not live ones, though! glad you liked the story Aunt Astri.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahaha Woody strikes again.So tell me did he eat the frog and toad ?I did get that "mr OBeez" is Obese right.See I have gotten very good at seeing your tricks Sir Woody .Another most excellent piece :)

[Woody]

thanks heaps, Vid. yep, I see you've become good at it. I, for one, am still trying to figure out what really happened :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Haha do tell when you figure it out.You are welcome my hilarious friend :)

[elm321]

What a humorous end to the story! Also descriptive.

[Woody]

thanks heaps, elm :)

[Bright Ocean Star]

I don't know, Woody. This one didn't seem really funny. Nice try, though! :)

[Woody]

Oh shoot! Well, I'm not infallible, after all :(
thanks for taking the trouble, though, Anne.

[Bright Ocean Star]

Your always welcome. I'm sorry it just didn't do it for me. The next one probably will have me rolling on the floor, though. :)

[speckledbyrd]

This is hilarious. Was not expecting the ending.

[Woody]

thank you Speck. I'm glad you didn't expect the ending :) that was the idea.

[Rachelle]

ROFL!

Now why haven't I encountered you before? This is so funny!

[Woody]

awfully nice of you too say so :)