Doctor House

Doctor House

A Story by Woody
"

an unusual day at the Doctor's office.

"

Some days are bad and some are good. That’s life, right? Yesterday was a mixture of both, for me. It started off horribly then, within the hour brightened unexpectedly. Allow me to recount the events.


I pulled up in my usual space, in the parking lot, and turned off the engine. I kept my hands on the wheel to stop the tremor and waited for my jangling nerves to settle down. I breathed deeply. The images of my near- death experience still playing in my head, I clearly saw, behind my eyelids, the huge grill of the juggernaut. Much like the gaping mouth of the shark in “Jaws”, it filled my windscreen. My eyes snapped open. The bloody a..hole! (I don’t like to use swear words, even when there’s no one around. Good upbringing, you understand?) He nearly squashed me like a bug.


Goodbye, Doctor! See you in the afterlife! 


I shuddered and closed my eyes again. I breathed in and out, then grabbed my bag, opened the door of the Jag and swang my leg out. I shut the door and pressed the red button on the fob. “Twit-twit”, went the alarm. I noticed I was late so I jogged to the entrance and pushed through the revolving door.


Bethany was at her post, at the reception. Beautiful. Not a hair out of place. Immaculately dressed.


“Good morning, Doctor”, she chimed in.

“Mornin’ ”, I replied and my eyes lingered on her cleavage for a second, wondering, not for the first time, if it was not a b**b job. God, they looked achingly beautiful! It took a huge effort but I tore my eyes off and stuffed them into my pocket. No, wait! That belongs in another horror story I’m writing at the moment. Let me rephrase that. I tore my eyes off her.. well, beautiful rack and, wiping the drool with the back of my hand, strode towards my office. The waiting room was already full of sad faces. As usual, when the patients saw me arrive, their moans rose a notch or two. A baby coughed in its mother’s arms, an old man sniffled, a middle-aged woman rearranged her bosom which looked a little askew. Definitely not a b**b job. A 30-ish man was cradling his bandaged hand. The once-white bandage was almost entirely red. I took all this in, in the very short time it took me to reach my office. I hurried inside, took off my jacket, put on my white coat and draped my stethoscope round my neck. It made me look professional, just like Doctor House. I dropped in my swivel chair. Then, sighing (I was doing a lot of sighing this morning), I turned on the laptop and buzzed Bethany. She was there in a flash. God, was she standing behind the door?


“Yes, Doctor”, she sang.

God, that throaty voice!

“Usher the first one in, please.”

She looked puzzled. “Usher, Doctor?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Bring him in and go and Google “usher”.

“Yes, Doctor”.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. But what a rack! Damn it! Stop it already! Get a hold on yourself, you horny b*****d, I berated myself. I hate me when I berate myself like that. Who do I think I am?


A soft knock on the door and Bethany stepped in with her ra.. I mean with the bandaged guy in tow. I limped from behind my desk, just like Doctor House. Professional, remember? I stretched my hand to shake his then thought better of it when I saw that the injured hand was his right.


“Good morning”, I said, “please, take a seat”.

“Good morning, Doctor. Thank you”.

“So, what seems to be the problem?”

“I cut off my finger”, he told me.

“What?” I exclaimed. “The whole finger?”

“No, the one next to it”, he replies, matter-of-factly.

And that was when my day took a turn for the better. I laughed and laughed and laughed. I know, unprofessional but I just couldn’t help it. Bethany burst in, looking alarmed. Half a dozen patients crowded behind her, trying to look over her shoulder. I had to take the day off.


© 2014 Woody



My Review

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Featured Review

1)The wording here needs improvement. "The images of my near miss or near death experience still playing in my head. I could clearly see...." I suggest something like this: "The images of the near-death experience still playing in my head, I clearly saw, behind my eyelids, the huge grill of the juggernaut. Much like the shark in "Jaws", it filled my windshield."

2) In this sentence, I suggest you put a comma after "arrive" and delete the "and".-- "As usual, when the patients saw me arrive and their moans rose a notch or two."

You might give "Goodbye, Doctor! See you in the afterlife!" its own line and also put in italics.

A misspelled word here--" took off my jacked".

In the interest of limiting that dreaded passive word, "was", you might consider saying "an old man coughed, a baby sniffled", etc. I noticed several instances in which a similar change might be made.

I hope Bethany's b***s are real, and not "Goodyear's". As one who has seen enough doctors for two lifetimes, I hope I never run into that guy.

Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Woody

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your visit and constructive review, Samuel. I clearly should've proofread befo.. read more



Reviews

Don't know how but apparently I missed this one. Funny, funny. I think others have identified a few instances where wording might be adjusted, so I will refrain, trusting that you know what they are and when you feel like it, give this a once-over again. I really like the voice of the main character, his lecherous observations/internal dialogue (so now I know what men really think). I also enjoyed the comment that he was saving the business about "tearing his eyes off" for another story. Good job, Woody. Thanks for another day of amusement.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

1 Year Ago

and many thanks to you, dear Taylor for reading and for your sweet review.
yes, I'm quite awa.. read more
Woody, you're a humorous genius! You saved me from a boring rainy day by leading me into the world of..b***s ? whole fingers ? Ok, doesn't matter.
Great story!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

1 Year Ago

you are too kind FG. thanks a lot. I'm so glad to have brought a bit of sunshine to your rainy day. .. read more
I'm afraid Bethany's b***s upstaged the patient's finger issues, for me! *smile* . . . But eventually I managed to see the light & get a handle on your parting twisted finger (I need another cup of coffee this morning). As always, your short ditty included many delightful side trips, revealing your fertile imagination. You do "b***s" so well, I challenge you to devote an entire story to them!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

1 Year Ago

you know what they say, size doesn't matter :))
barleygirl

1 Year Ago

"They" also say: champagne glass is perfection! *smile*
Woody

1 Year Ago

hah never heard this one before. this is what I believe. beauty comes in all forms and shapes.
Quality... at this moment tonight I'm out of piss to go deeper. I'm shocked I actually read the whole thing to be quite honest.

I will read you again.



Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

1 Year Ago

I was never notified of your review. I make it a point to comment on all reviews. even those that ar.. read more
Dead Alive Dave

1 Year Ago

You don't have to worry about that with me. I do not care.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Nice one Woody, whole finger 


Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

1 Year Ago

lol. first time I get a review that looks like a painting :) hahaha
thank you alife. so glad .. read more
So which finger did he lose, so much choice, hard to choose. :) Though art a rapscallion. T

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

2 Years Ago

haha I guess either the ring finger or the index finger. thank god for small mercies.
rapscal.. read more
While the patient will now be unable to "flip the bird," he could, perhaps, manage to train another finger for the delicate (and slippery) work of micro-spelunking the female biology.
Fun tale, Woodman!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

2 Years Ago

hahaha flip the bird!!! damn I should've thought of that. spelunking indeed :)))
thanks mate... read more
After reading this one, I may have to take the day off. Can anyone die from chuckling? Valentine

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Valentine

2 Years Ago

Oh, I thought you used a brush to sweep away those sneaky looking tracks.
Woody

2 Years Ago

I know what you're trying to do. I won't talk until my lawyer's here.
Valentine

2 Years Ago

Mine is the one advising me. Kathie
Ah great craic Woody and given my sad situation yesterday....Just what the Doctor ordered ( pun intended )

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

2 Years Ago

aaah I'm so glad I helped brighten your mood. I like your pun :)
thanks Tommy.
I loved the story woody,it was interesting my friend

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woody

2 Years Ago

thank you very much wordman.
 wordman

2 Years Ago

it was my pleasure woody

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Added on May 4, 2014
Last Updated on November 28, 2014
Tags: fun, hospital, doctor, accident

Author

Woody
Woody

Mateur, Bizerte, Tunisia



About
ok, time for an update I think. my old friends have come to know me pretty well, I trust so this is for the new comers. I'm a Tunisian 60-year-old teacher-cum-translator, book worm who enjoys writing.. more..

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