Black Beauty

a man's dream comes true. sort of.

Barry Bates walked at a brisk pace along the pavement, swinging his brown school bag. He was uncharacteristically late. He hated being late for his classes. He’d always chided the late comers among his pupils. He’s a school master and, out of respect, his pupils called him Master Bates.

His route never varied. Every morning, except Saturdays and Sundays, he’d walk along Union Street, past the broken phone booth that reeked of urine, past the bakery, in front of which he’d linger a moment to breathe in the fragrant aroma of freshly-baked bread. Sometimes, he’d succumb and step in for a croissant, which he’d gobble on the way to work. Halfway to school, he’d reach Mrs. Anderson’s semi-detached house with its red-tiled roof and manicured lawn. He’d be hoping to catch a glimpse of the beautiful black widow behind her kitchen window. He always pictured her looking his way and waving. He wanted very badly to see her smile at him. She had a dazzling smile. He’d seen her on occasion at the mall, chatting to the girl at the register or laughing with her friend from across the street while having a coffee at Joe’s.

One Monday, the unimaginable happened. Who said that Mondays were the worst days of the week? What happened that day would stay with him till the day he died for more than one reason.

When Barry Bates reached Mrs. Anderson’s house, he saw her standing on her porch. She was wearing cut off Jeans and his eyes took an eternity to travel all the way up her shapely legs past her midriff up to her ample bosom. He lingered on the generous cleavage and the chain that nestled there. Finally he reached her face. His heart threatened to desert him and his mouth felt dry. She was smiling at him. Actually, smiling! There was a malicious twinkle dancing in her big dark eyes. She said, in that throaty voice only coloured ladies had:

“Care to join me for a drink, Mister?”

He couldn’t trust himself to speak so he dumbly nodded his head.

Bates stepped inside the brightly lit hall and heard a low growl. He could not tell what breed the creature was. Its flat face implied as much frog DNA as canine heritage.

“Tyson!” admonished Mrs. Anderson, “go to the kitchen.”

Tyson waddled to the kitchen, wagging his stump of a tail.

“Would you like some coffee, Mr.  errr?”

“Barry. Call me Barry, please.”

“Ok, Barry. Or perhaps you prefer something cold?”

“Cold is better, please, Mrs. Ander...”

“I’m Allison, but you can call me Al”, she interrupted with a smile and went to the kitchen, rolling her hips and nearly giving him a heart attack. Paul Simon smiled down on him from the large poster on the wall.

She returned with a bottle of C… Gee! I nearly made free publicity. A soda in a bottle with curves not unlike Mrs. Anderson’s.

“Please Barry, put your bag down and come sit on the sofa.”

They sat side by side.

“It’s a bit stuffy in here, isn’t it? Why don’t you take off your jacket? Come on, don’t be shy! Make yourself at home while I go check on the twins”.

Barry didn’t understand what was going on. But he sure was not going to complain. He couldn’t believe his luck, though.

As he took off his jacket, Mrs. Anderson came back. Their eyes met and Barry felt a jolt of electricity run through his body. If he had any doubts about her motives before, they were now completely swiped away when she looked at him and licked her lips. All thoughts of his class and pupils flew out the window. She grabbed his tie and pulled him towards the bedroom.

“Take off your clothes”, she whispered. “Back in a jiffy”.

Barry feverishly tore off his clothes. Buttons popped and flew across the room. To hell with buttons. Stupid invention anyway. He stood stark naked in front of the full-length mirror and looked at his reflection. He knew he was painfully thin. All knees and elbows, but who cares? He smiled. She’ll have eyes only for his.. ehm.. for his errr.. The door opened slowly (thank God! Didn’t have to say penis). Mrs. Anderson came in, pushing her twins inside the room. Barry grabbed a shirt and hid his errr (Damn!) penis.

“See what you’ll look like if you don’t eat your veggies?” asked Black Beauty, addressing her kids.

Barry’s erection dwindled at warp speed.     

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

Your title had me misled throughout the read ..I was waiting for the twins to be- perhaps vicious, ravenous, offspring of Tyson, having a meal time with Barry.... But in your closing I get the word play of course. I liked your first aside, however for me the second about the penis was a little distracting. I think you got the point across well in your characterizations of Master Bates. :) The mix of sentence lengths and connections are pretty darn good. I was kept interested and propelled onward ... the innuendo also did the same. I really like the contrast you made as his walk began ..the blocks of urine and then of baking bread ... very sharp and I smelled them both :} you are a risk taker using the phrase " ...coloured ladies ..." not all but some may find offence in it ... i don't ..you are creating a scene ...nothing more .. but just saying some may ...
because of my anticipations leading up to your closing ... when i read it i went as limp as his errrrrr "p....."
Woody's humor remains :)))) overall ..strong story telling ..vivid images that involved all my senses .. the twist in closing, though humorous, seemed a little abrupt and weakened as a result .. I would give this an 90 of 100 .. but i don't do points and i am uneducated as well ;))) so please take with the proverbial grain of salt
E.

[Woody]

thank you so much for a comprehensive and honest review, Einstein. I'll certainly take your remarks in my stride. as for coloured I never thought it was politically incorrect!!! I didn't use the"N" word so why would it ruffle any feathers? what's a nicer way of putting it?
thanks again and glad you enjoyed it.

[Einstein Noodle]

i hear you Woody! honestly am unsure of how to say a lot of things these days .. :{ how about ...deep husky voice of ebony? ...maybe leave it at that .. :)
i confess to having missed the Master Bates thing on my first reading ...i was truly caught up in your scenes ... his walk kind of reminded me of descriptions in one of my all time favorite books "Cannery Row" ... i think i have read that one a million times or more ... love and peace my friend!
E.

[Nigel Newman]

Oh Woody! I suppose we all had such fantasies as tongue-tied acne-enriched early teenage boys. The Mrs Robinson fantasy.

Thought you might be amused to hear the variant on your first paragraph that appeared in college 'rag mags' back in the day. 'Rag Mag' was a magazine put out by students during 'Rag Week', which like most student college activities, was superficially about clubs, societies, music, comedy, drama, etc but mainly about drink and dot dot dot. Anyway, this joke appeared in our rag mag .... A new boy is starting at a local public (posh) college; the admissions tutor greets the whole family; the father introduces everyone 'Hello; we're Mr and Mrs Bates. This is our daughter Miss Bates and our son Master Bates'. The admissions tutor responds instantly 'Have no worries, Sir. We'll soon cure him of that!'.

[Woody]

hahaha love that Nigel. I'm familiar with the Rag Mag. I still have two yellow-paged ones I got when I was in Aberdeen eons ago. but I assure you I naively thought that I was the first one to come up with that Bates jibe.
thanks a lot for dropping in Nigel. always a pleasure to see you around and I apologize for the laaaate reply.

[D Connolly]

Just did a face palm! See Barry? Everyone should have one green smoothie a day to get all of their vitamins. DUH!!

[Woody]

hahaha is that your usual picture or is for my benefit? thanks for dropping in, D. and sorry for the late reply.

[D Connolly]

I change it sometimes, but I'm ALWAYS cheezing. I can't help it ;)

[aLittlePain]

Haha... well, Mr Bates was certainly put out to pasture.
What a cruel but entertaining tale, and told with great style. Regards Ray

[Woody]

thanks loads Ray. glad you enjoyed this one. I'm told Barry's learnt his lesson and is rapidly gaining weight :)
I apologize for the tardiness.

[Jacob Clifford]

Like always, you managed to break the fourth wall, as it were, while making it fit the tone of the story. Speaking of which, this story is very well-written. It has a good amount of detail and emotion, as well as a good build up. The tension was building between the characters, but because this is a Woody Story, I knew the poor sod didn't have a chance of actually getting laid. When she said "... you can call me Al," aside from thinking of that song, I was half expecting her to have an erection of her own. I would never have guessed that ending. But I am glad that Barry's arousal was killed at seeing the kids, as opposed to it being heightened. Now THAT would have made for a dark story. *shudders*

[Woody]

thank you dear friend. always a pleasure to know you like my stories. you're the first to mention the song. I was beginning to despair people would notice it.
I know you were joking about the ending but my stories can never be that dark. there's a line I'll never cross.

[Lorry]

Classic Woody. Was wondering where you were going with this, trying to pre-guess you, but you got me again. Superb :)

[Woody]

thank you for your sweet words Nemo. I'm elated you liked it and glad you didn't see the end coming.

[Shannon]

This one is interesting for sure. While, funny there seems to be a few instances of bigger lessons being alluded to. About assumptions and perceptions.

[Woody]

good. the serious-minded and the fun seekers can benefit from this one, then. glad you found it interesting, S. thanks a bunch for stopping in.

[Norman 223]

Never mind the veggies, Barry, they're slimming. You need more croissants.
Black Beauty was nothing like this when I read it at school, but in your own inimitable style, I found your version more entertaining.

Glad to see your pen is still rising to the occasion Woody - keep it up!! .(Hee , hee)
Cheers....... Norm.

[Woody]

you're right, Norm. everybody knows that croissants are fattening.
I agree this one's more interesting than the original one. I wish they'd start teaching it at school.
glad you enjoyed it. thanks a lot.

[barleygirl]

With this one perfectly crafted story, you've effectively put Sam the Romancer out to pasture!!! *ha! ha!* This is the best story I've read of yours so far. Your descriptive powers are sparkling like diamonds here & the whole sequence conveys the most endearing shy-boldness & self-deprecating confidence, all jumbled like a school kid into this lovingly human guy you've painted for us. So many priceless touches, like her throaty voice, the chain nestled in her cleavage, just one sweet passage after another. And this is the best twist ever. I'm still laughing!

[Woody]

awfully generous of you barleygirl. thank heavens, my bathroom's door is wide enough :))
it is humbling and flattering no end to be compared to Almighty Sam. for me he's up there on his pedestal and it'll take me ages to reach him. maybe when I grow up :)
I'm overjoyed you liked my black beauty. thanks again for the encouraging words.

[barleygirl]

Laughing about the bathroom door reference! *smile*