The Sensitive Rant.

One wrong word. One glance laced with disdain. One wrong move and I might crumble. If you don’t first think through what you do or say in light of WHO I AM, I might freeze. Life would change in an instant. The world would go from light to dark immediately. Wide open eyes would suddenly see nothing. There’s so much love inside, jam-packed and choking, that one small act of unkindness or coldness could undo me. I’m made of silken threads, so thin they must not be very important. Eyes can be so sharp sometimes. God I love sharp things. If I keep them they will get up and walk into my dreams. So I don’t. And I try to keep my eyes to myself.

The look-aways, the silences, they’re heavy on my shoulders. I like the shelter of my home. But my house is small. My windows are all breakable. It’s always cold, forever and ever. I move about carefully but there are always slips, I always crash. I fall all over the damn place. All my fingers are broken and cut so I can’t point, but there’s no one around to point to, no one around to give me a hand up. Never mind the blood. Please just speak to me, notice me. But no, I don’t like being noticed. Please just go away. The line I walk is threadbare. I’m difficult and needy and want to be left alone. I’m a conundrum that I wouldn’t want to deal with if I were you. I feel sorry for you. I also love you (sorry about that too). I want you happy. It’s wretched, this level of wanting to see you happy. I’d give you all of mine, and I try but it’s impossible. It’s too much and it’s not your birthday anyway. My mistake. I walk away to find a little spot where I can wish and cry until I’m two-year-old tired. Thank god the day’s over. Where’s the normalcy for all us sensitive types? Never mind. Slap on a smile and head out the door because here comes another day. It’s all about face value. And I’m way too sly for my own good.

“And the fact that the sun’s gonna rise and the world’s gonna spin only makes it worse.”

Here’s the upside: it’ll be alright in the end. I know it will. I’m the most positive person in the world, friends! Don’t cheer me, I’ll cheer you. It’s my joy. It relieves this sensitive nature for a while. So bring it on. Bring on the outlets so I can pour my heart out (you can join me if you want). Let me because I must. Let me because if I don’t I’ll just wander from room to room unsettled and confused until I can act. I’m bursting with energy and with feeling good. Life is good. I know it is. I’m lucky and I know that too. I have talents and gifts and all kinds of good s**t. I am a useful human being. Don’t tell me or reassure me because I already know. Shut up for 2 seconds. The problem you keep glossing over is that it all doesn’t matter sometimes. I can be the best. But who cares. Everyone is the best. You are the best. Everything about you is beautiful. Don’t argue because I will win because I. Know. The world is beautiful too, it’s f*****g gorgeous! So I’ll just keep on exploring my wall, if it’s ok with you, and kind of just know that life is good. I’ll push that thought ahead of me as I go. It’s not perfect but it works for me. This is how I work. Rant over.

Reviews

[Chris]

In all your pieces - you come across "real", and the intimacy is personal. I've finished "meeting" you.
Hi, was my pleasure.

Take care.