Chapter 4: My Struggle With Pornography

This chapter deals with my struggle with pornography and how I overcame it.

This is a hard chapter for me to write, but I feel like my story can help others. I am going to do my best to tell the full story so just bear with me.
My addiction to pornography started shortly after my second step-father died which was around the same time I started having suicidal thoughts. It started just by an ad popping up on the computer of a half naked girl. Intrigued I clicked on it and watched the video it took me to. At first I felt a little ashamed, but then I felt good, like in a way I can't describe it was making me feel happy. So, I started watching when no one was at home. Go on the computer look up porn sites and watch for a while. Eventually the addiction set in and I started watching when people were home and did my best to hide. Soon I started masturbating along with watching the videos, and that made me feel even better. For a while I would do this 5 or 6 times a day because I was so addicted to it. I realized I had a problem when I started looking at girls differently. I wouldn't picture girls as beautiful princesses anymore, but as objects to have sex with. While talking to them I would picture them naked or me having sex with them. I know this sounds bad, but I just being honest. I tried to quit on my own. I would stop for a couple days and feel pretty good; I thought I could do it. And then just one small sexual thought would get into my mind. Maybe from something I saw on TV or a movie or something I heard. The smallest things can plant that idea in your mind. And then I would go right back to masturbating. I was eventually caught by my mom watching it and she took away the computer. For a good two months my addiction stopped and then she started to trust me again and gave my privileges back. But soon I fell back into watching porn and was once again doing it 5 or 6 times a day. I continued to try to break the addiction on my own for a long time; I would do good for a couple days, sometimes a week, and then I would go right back to doing it again. I started to go after girls hoping to get to have sex with them. Chasing after any girl i could, whether I liked them or not. Then we moved to Colorado, as I have talked about in previous chapters. Hardly ever being home alone there it became very hard to feed my addiction. I would try to slink off to my room for even 10 minutes just to watch porn. My mom eventually forced me to go to the youth group there where I met a guy my age who had also been addicted to porn. I heard him share him testimony a couple times and he had shared more details with me in private, but I still wasn't ready to shine light on my addiction. I held on to it for a long time before I shared it. When I accepted Christ I asked him to forgive me of my sins and that void that had been inside of me that I had tried to fill with pornography was filled by Christ. I would love to say that that day was the last day I ever looked at porn or masturbated, but I don't want to lie. There have been a couple time since then where I have failed. Where the thought grows and grows and eventually my mind gives in. But, I have people I go to when the thoughts come now, and whenever I feel tempted I always talk to God now.
This is my story of my addiction to porn. I know some men, even Christian men, struggle with this addiction. I wish I could give you a simple twelve step program to stop, but stopping isn't that easy. I can give you some useful tips though.
1. Share your addiction with someone. You don't have to share it with a big group of people, but talk to someone about it.
2. Find an accountability partner. Someone you can call if you are feeling tempted.
3. Talk to God. In the Bible it says that he will never give you more than you can handle and he will always give you a way out. Pray for strength.
This is all the advice I can give you. I wish there was more. If anyone reads this and is struggling with this addiction I encourage you to message me. I am always happy to talk.

Reviews

[paul sal.....]

peace.............................................................

[Tina Louise UK]

I commend you for sharing this with us, it happens so much these days as it's so easy to get. Good for you hun :) x

[Erik Daniel]

Thank you!

[❤ Maggie ❤..]

This is amazing. I know, personally, how hard addictions can be. And how difficult it is to break them. I think the tips at the end were great. It's always nice to have accountability. It takes strong people to share their story with others. You did an awesome job with this.

[Erik Daniel]

Thank you so much Maggie!

[❤ Maggie ❤]

You're welcome :)

[Devesh]

You, Erik are a brave and inspirational person. I think it's very kind on your part to offer others help based on your own experiences. After each chapter, I'm just astounded at the amount of kindness you have in your heart. May God bless you!

[Erik Daniel]

Thank you so much man! Means a lot! God bless you too!

[Devesh]

You're welcome! :)

[Kelly M.]

This is such a big struggle for non-Christians AND Christians, too... I've seen it destroy families-- ALL sin does that, though. :/ Our lives truly affect others, in every small and big thing we say and do!

Accountability partners truly are amazing :) The fact that other people struggle with the exact same things as me makes me realize I'm never alone!

I wrote down something recently that sometimes the hardest, most awkward things to say to other people are also the RIGHT things to say. This makes me more confident to reach out in the difficult moments and be a godly inspiration to others... it's great to see you do that here!

[Erik Daniel]

Thank you!

[Linda alexander]

Congrats for pulling out of this problem, it is really hard for someone to share these kind of topics truthfully, hope some one will definitely will get benefit from this writing, take care, really want to see you as full success in career, religion, family, present and future, good luck

[Erik Daniel]

Thank you so much!

[Linda alexander]

You most welcome, take care Erik

[Imogen.E]

Really good, again, well done. I'm glad you found a way out of this. Again, god bless you. You are so inspirational :)

[Erik Daniel]

Thank you so much!