Torn

A story about a girl meets boy.

“You may now kiss the Bride.”

I faked a smile as I watch you two, you are both happy.  You smiled at her and looked like you are the happiest guy alive.

I slowly walked away, and got some drink. Maybe, just maybe this will lessen all the pain that I’m feeling. 

 “Katie, kamusta?”

“Ito, okay lang” and faked a smile.

“Wala kang maloloko dito, Kate. Tsaka, bakit ka pa nagpunta dito e, alam mo naming mawawasak ang puso mo.”

“He’s my bestfriend, Jillian.”

“Whatever. Come on, let’s dance!”

“I’m not feeling it.”

“It’s our jam!”

“You go ahead, Jill. I’ll be alright. “ and smiled.

Why did I even went here? Jillian is right, I know that this will totally crush my heart. Ganito na ba talaga ako kasadista? Akala ko makakaya ko, pero ito ako ngayon, nagpapakalasing. Ako dapat ang nasa tabi nya ngayon, ako dapat ang babaeng papakasalan nya, ako dapat ngayon ang rason kung bakit siya masaya. Pero hindi, si Hailee ang katabi nya, si Hailee ang babaeng pinakasalan nya, si Hailee din ang rason kung bakit masaya siya.

“Katie,” naramdaman kong may humawak sa kamay ko.

“Liam,” I faked a smile

“Umiiyak ka ba?”

“Tears of joy, Liam. I’m so happy for you. You finally got what you deserved.”

Niyakap nya ako at sinabi, “I hope you you’ll find someone who truly deserves you.”

I kissed him in his cheeks and said, “Thanks but I better get going. Congratulations and Best Wishes!”

Tumakbo ako papuntang parking lot at nang makapasok ako sa kotse ko, saka ako humagolgol. Wala na, wala na. Ikinasal na ang lalaking pinakamamahal ko. Sana sinabi ko agad na mahal ko din siya, sana napadama kong mahal na mahal ko din siya noong mahal nya pa ako. Pero anong ginawa ko? Pumunta ako ng ibang bansa para matupad ang mga pangarap ko. Sabi nya kasi maghihintay siya. Pero siguro hindi ako kahintay-hintay. Siguro, nakakapagod nang maghintay sa wala. Naisip nya din siguro na may taong makakapagreciprocate ng feelings nya at si Hailee yun.

*

I went to my condo unit, broke and drunk. It’s a good thing, Jillian went with me.

“Jillian, ang sakit. Grabe, parang nilagay sa shredder yung puso ko.”

“Gaga ka kasi, Katherine! Pupunta punta ka pa sa kasal nila. You should’ve have made an excuse.”

“I can’t okay?”

“Ang tanga mo kasi, may chance ka na dati, nasayo na siya dati, pero anong ginawa mong gaga ka? Pinakawalan mo. Ang nasa isip mo kasi, ‘mahal naman ako ni Liam, maghihintay naman siya kahit gano katagal’, oh sino ngayon ang kawawa?”

“Oo na Jill. Ako na ang gaga.”

Tumayo ako at pumuntang kusina. Kukuha ako sana ng alak pero pinigilan ako ni Jillian.

“Tama na yan, Kate. You had enough this night. Give yourself a rest. Look at you, you look like someone who just escaped from a mental hospital.”

I smiled. “Thank you, Jill. Thanks for being my friend. “

“I’ll always be here. And you know what? We better get some sleep because we have work tomorrow.”

“Great idea,  Jillian! Let’s get some sleep.”

As I lay down on my bed,  I realize how I wasted the opportunity that I had. I wish I could go back in time and correct all these mistakes.  God knows how much I’m in pain. But if he ever changed his mind and come back, I’ll be here.