Unlucky me

Unlucky me

A Story by Ethan Cordner
"

There are thieves among us, but they're not after money or electronics. They want your luck, your courage, your quick wit, and your slow temper. They want what makes you you, and we can't stop them.

"

The soft crack of the opening window woke me, and the creak creak of floorboards drew my eyes to the foot of the bed where a spindly figure crouched, black sack in one hand, golden glowing tendrils trailing from the other. Sitting bolt upright I shouted for help, but the long sound of a car horn braying outside drowned out my voice. The spindly figure smiled a soft smile and sweetly spoke.

 

“I’m sorry to say

That you’ve no luck today,

Spindle’s taken yours, Jack,

It’s all here in my sack!”

 

With a mischievous grin the figure wiped her fingers clean on lip of the sack, shook it gently, and moved backwards as I stammered.

“What… what’s going on? You took something? Who, what are you?”

Spindle quirked an eyebrow and responded slowly.

 

“What, who, where, how?

You, me, here, now.

I have taken all your luck.

And now I’m off, to run amok!”

 

Spindle giggled and threw the sack over her shoulder, sweeping a gangly leg over the windowsill.

“Wait!” I shouted. “My luck? Was it you? All this time, and everything that's gone wrong in my life, it was because of you?”

Spindle grinned and put a teasing finger up to her lips. an anger boiled up inside me.

 “All the missed-bus's, parking-tickets, rain-on-sports-days, inside-out-umbrellas, no-seat-on-the-train, unexpected-traffic, lost-wallets, runaway-pets, flooded-cellars, wrong-numbers, faulty-plumbing, bad-directions, and generally sour luck. It was you!" I shouted, sitting up in bed and reaching for something to throw.

A glass of water tumbled off my bedside table, knocked awry by my shaking hands, and Spindle straightened her back, paused to licking her lips before speaking.

 

"You’ve no right to be

Quite so angry at me,

You sad little man

With you’re mad little plans.

 

When it comes to men

You’ve got more luck to spend,

And the way that you use it,

You always abuse it.

 

My kind have the right,

And we’ll use it to fight.

There’s evil out there,

And mankind doesn’t care.”

 

My head spun as I tried to find the words, the right questions, but Spindle was already on her way out the window. She raised a hand lazily and a cloud of gold smoke surrounded her as she fell from the fifth story apartment window.

I jumped up and rushed to look on as spindle landed on a discarded mattress, rolled nimbly, sprang up, and sped forward into a sudden break in traffic. I stared in disbelief as she grabbed onto the side of a passing tram and was swept into the carriage, where the conductor was looking the other way.

"Goddamn it!" I shouted, and turned to pull on a pair of jeans and give chase.

A muscle twisted in my side, and throwing my arms out wildly I tossed my keys out the window. “What the-!” I cried.

Realising I was locked inside my apartment, I turned back to the window in time to see the tram turn a corner and Spindle wave coquettishly from the rear. I slumped onto the windowsill, and it collapsed beneath me.

On the floor, head scratched and lip bleeding, I put my head in my hands.

There was a knock at the door, followed by an angry voice. "What’s with all the shouting, open up in there!" I recognised the booming voice of my landlord, and looked about me at the broken windowsill, scattered furniture, and the complete lack of a sign of anyone else who could be responsible for the damage.

"Oh no," I muttered, thinking about my lost keys, and the job interview I now had no chance of making, "what rotten luck…"

 

#


© 2017 Ethan Cordner



Author's Note

Ethan Cordner
A short story that could be the start of a larger world. Pitched at clever children or silly adults (as some of the language is complicated). Recommendations on an audience (and changes to target them) would be appreciated. As well as general reviews of the prose etc.

My Review

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Featured Review

I like the idea of this.
I think Spindle should be gender neutral or a female - just intuitively speaking.
The verse Spindle spouts needs to be shorter catchier and more memorable - as it stands it's as catchy as sticky-tape that's been stuck to carpet then attempted to be reused. Think Rumple Stiltson.
I liked this.
The final line needs work.
Well done though.



This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 3 Days Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like the idea of this.
I think Spindle should be gender neutral or a female - just intuitively speaking.
The verse Spindle spouts needs to be shorter catchier and more memorable - as it stands it's as catchy as sticky-tape that's been stuck to carpet then attempted to be reused. Think Rumple Stiltson.
I liked this.
The final line needs work.
Well done though.



This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 3 Days Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very interesting concept. it might be just me, but the story is bit hard to follow, perhaps since it is not complete. As far as to what audience this should target, I believe clever children. I think the concept will attract children more so than adults, and adults that are attracted to this concept will read it anyways. I always found it kind of superfluous to think that a Novel should be directed at a certain age group. Harry potter is largely popular amongst people who are considered too old to be reading harry potter. Yet teachers ask middle-schoolers (10-13 yr olds) to read the scarlet letter and A Clockwork Orange.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 3 Days Ago


Ethan Cordner

16 Hours Ago

Thanks for the review, I've re-written the story with new readers in mind, what do you think?
.. read more
This is a unique and interesting idea you have here with this different kind of thief. Something worth continuing, I believe. I like the name "Spindle", as it seems a good fit for this particular villain.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 3 Days Ago



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3 Reviews
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Added on February 16, 2017
Last Updated on February 19, 2017
Tags: Fantasy, Children, Luck, Thieves

Author

Ethan Cordner
Ethan Cordner

Newcastle, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom



About
Slowly writing my way through a fantasy trilogy, with many short stories along the way. more..


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