Pretend

Pretend

A Poem by Evelynn

Tell me that you love me

And tell me that we’re fine

Trust me, I know that you’ll be lying

But tell me that you’re mine

Can you at least pretend

For just one more day

That you care about me

So that the memories won’t fade

Fill my head with pretty lies

So my eyes don’t fill with tears

Even though when you do leave

I’ll be crying for what seems like years

So please, do this for me

Even though I know you don’t care

So when you do leave

I’ll have something to help me bear


© 2018 Evelynn



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Featured Review

It is better to be hurt knowing the truth than to feel comfort in lies. One should not live pretending something that they are not. But in your case, I totally understand your situation. You want to feel that concern from the person so that you remember something good that consoles you when he leaves. Very heart touching poem. Don't lose hope.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you!
Najam Us Saher

3 Weeks Ago

You're welcome.



Reviews

This rhythm is crazy good which makes it all the more memorable. Great writing!

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I used to wish that too, but oh well, it's much better to just accept the truth and let go for your own sake. Beautifully written :)

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you!
ooh great job with the rhyming!! usually when people try to rhyme (me included!) it sounds forced... but you did a really good job fitting the end words in naturally :)

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you so much!
Even rejection stings more than a lie. And, so we prefer fiction, even it's written or spoken by someone who has hurt us. You conveyed that well in this poem.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you!
• Tell me you that you love me
I find it best to edit before posting. 😮

That aside. Stanzas are to poetry what paragraphs are to prose. They organize and give structure.

• Trust me, I know that you’ll be lying

There is, and must be, a rhythm to structured poetry. It's what we call prosody. In the first two lines there are three feet par line, but here you interject a fourth, which is a jarring note.

But of more importance, what does "Trust me," add that's not implied by the rest of the line. Any word that can be removed without changing the meaning speeds the read and adds impact.

• So that the memories won’t fade

In line with the above, why do we need the word "that?"

A really good introduction to the structure and necessities of rhyming poetry is found in the excerpt to Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. Well worth the time to read it.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

this is really inspiring
i love this
reminds me of a loveless marriage just waiting to break at the right time, though never a right time
always a wrong sad time
very good x

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Weeks Ago

Aww, thanks :)
It is better to be hurt knowing the truth than to feel comfort in lies. One should not live pretending something that they are not. But in your case, I totally understand your situation. You want to feel that concern from the person so that you remember something good that consoles you when he leaves. Very heart touching poem. Don't lose hope.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you!
Najam Us Saher

3 Weeks Ago

You're welcome.
made me think about lots of things this......mostly sad and i don't know ....maybe hate and anger.....

any words that make me think or feel....they make me realise they are more than words to me....well done.....your stuff is good

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you so much! :)
Honest and needed words and actions needed sometimes. Better to be released slowly. Still painful but leaving as friends. Make the heart hurt less. Thank you Evelynn for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you for reading!
Coyote Poetry

3 Weeks Ago

You are welcome dear Poet.
So beautiful. Straight from the heart. Loved the flow. Simply beautiful.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you!

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Added on January 26, 2018
Last Updated on January 27, 2018

Author

Evelynn
Evelynn

Roanoke, VA



About
Writing is a passion of mine and I would love to see what people think. The good and the bad. more..

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