Pretend

Pretend

A Poem by Evelynn

Tell me that you love me

And tell me that we’re fine

Trust me, I know that you’ll be lying

But tell me that you’re mine

Can you at least pretend

For just one more day

That you care about me

So that the memories won’t fade

Fill my head with pretty lies

So my eyes don’t fill with tears

Even though when you do leave

I’ll be crying for what seems like years

So please, do this for me

Even though I know you don’t care

So when you do leave

I’ll have something to help me bear


© 2018 Evelynn



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Featured Review

It is better to be hurt knowing the truth than to feel comfort in lies. One should not live pretending something that they are not. But in your case, I totally understand your situation. You want to feel that concern from the person so that you remember something good that consoles you when he leaves. Very heart touching poem. Don't lose hope.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Months Ago

Thank you!
Najam Us Saher

3 Months Ago

You're welcome.



Reviews

This is a well-crafted message of futility using strong rhyme & rhythm. The hopelessness is palpable & the inevitability weighs a ton. Even tho your language is simple & straightforward, you pack an intense punch. I remember the last time (in my 30’s & I’m 61 now) I thought “one more night” would be a good thing, but it never is! After that experience, I learned to close the door firmly and step away from that urge (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Week Ago


Evelynn

1 Week Ago

Thank you!
Your emotional expression that is both complex and simple at the same time continues to impress. Such beautiful writing.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


Evelynn

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you so much!
Your really good at expressing your emotions like I am. I feel the same way as you do in this poem, this was just amazing.

Posted 2 Months Ago


Evelynn

2 Months Ago

Thanks! :)
I think perhaps in many situations the other half is still hesitant to take the leap for whatever unknown reasons. Thoughts like what you’ve expressed here can make a difference sometimes. Getting the issues out in the open is a good thing.

Posted 2 Months Ago


Evelynn

2 Months Ago

Thank you so much! :)
This rhythm is crazy good which makes it all the more memorable. Great writing!

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

2 Months Ago

Thank you!!
I used to wish that too, but oh well, it's much better to just accept the truth and let go for your own sake. Beautifully written :)

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Months Ago

Thank you!
ooh great job with the rhyming!! usually when people try to rhyme (me included!) it sounds forced... but you did a really good job fitting the end words in naturally :)

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Months Ago

Thank you so much!
Even rejection stings more than a lie. And, so we prefer fiction, even it's written or spoken by someone who has hurt us. You conveyed that well in this poem.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Months Ago

Thank you!
• Tell me you that you love me
I find it best to edit before posting. 😮

That aside. Stanzas are to poetry what paragraphs are to prose. They organize and give structure.

• Trust me, I know that you’ll be lying

There is, and must be, a rhythm to structured poetry. It's what we call prosody. In the first two lines there are three feet par line, but here you interject a fourth, which is a jarring note.

But of more importance, what does "Trust me," add that's not implied by the rest of the line. Any word that can be removed without changing the meaning speeds the read and adds impact.

• So that the memories won’t fade

In line with the above, why do we need the word "that?"

A really good introduction to the structure and necessities of rhyming poetry is found in the excerpt to Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. Well worth the time to read it.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

this is really inspiring
i love this
reminds me of a loveless marriage just waiting to break at the right time, though never a right time
always a wrong sad time
very good x

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

3 Months Ago

Aww, thanks :)

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Added on January 26, 2018
Last Updated on January 27, 2018

Author

Evelynn
Evelynn

Roanoke, VA



About
Chaotic Neutral Writing is a passion of mine and I would love to see what people think. The good and the bad. more..

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