Junky

Another rough draft for a chapter to add to my book. You kind of have to read the previous chapters to understand this one, but it is about Christian trying to forget Hallie.

“If you could make your hand quit shaking for five god damn minutes you could roll up a descent joint for me,” Derek said frustrated at his friend.

“I know, I know I’m sorry,” Christian said shaking his head. He had been rolling joints since he was nine years old he didn’t know what the hell was wrong with him. Well actually he did but he wasn’t about to admit it to his friend, or to himself.

“What’s your problem anyway man? You are all twitchy and s**t did you snort some before you came?” Derek asked

“No I just have a lot on my mind alright?,” Christian snapped and flicked the paper in the air with all it’s contents spilling out.

He turned around and slammed his fist against the wall in anger. Derek jumped at the noise. He couldn’t help but feel tense. Christian was 6’4 and 230 pounds of muscle. Derek had seen his extreme temper several times before and it never ended without something broken or someone injured.

“Alright just calm down,” Derek said nervously. “You are going to make a hole in my f*****g wall you know.”

They were inside Derek’s crummy flat in East Lost Angeles trying to get high before they went on one of many drug deals that night. But Christian had more potent things on his mind than drugs. His head was spinning with or without them. He sat down on the bare wooden floor trying to get it together.

“I’ve never seen you so nervous before a drug deal,” Derek noted.

“Come on you know me better. I’m not nervous about the job, it’s something else. I’ll be fine. Call up Logan and we’ll go in a minute,” Christian grunted and proceeded to Derek’s tiny bathroom. He undressed pulling his shirt up over his head and unbuttoned his pants letting his belt fall to the floor. He turned the shower on to the coldest water possible, not as if there was any other option, and slowly let the icy sensation wash across his heated body.

He faced the shower and the water ran across his well-toned chest. As he calmed down some he tilted his head back but didn’t dare close his eyes in fear that he would start thinking of her again.

Hallie Harris. F*****g Hallie Harris. “She’s dating David Carrington of all f*****g people!” Christian exclaimed in his head. He stood in the shower for a little longer then turned the water off, got dressed and went back out to see if Derek was ready to go.

Derek had started working on rolling another joint.

“What are you f*****g doing aren’t we going?” Christian said anxiously slicking back the wet hair out of his eyes.

“I called Logan he said they don’t need us for another couple hours buddy. We can get something to eat before we go. I know you didn’t smoke anything but I’m starving so let’s just get some fast food real quick,” Derek said. He was always in the mood for fast food, probably because he smoked weed so much and had a constant case of the munchies.

“God damnit,” Christian growled.

“Come on Christian you need to eat man you’ll feel better,” Derek said proudly examining his joint and taking a long drag of it. “Or maybe this will do you good,” Derek offered the joint over to Christian.

 

“No I don’t want that.” Christian said shaking his head. As much as he wanted to get away from his thoughts he enjoyed being on edge. He hated the calming effect weed had on him because he felt out of control. The rage he persistently carried inside was a comfort to him. He had no family to worry about him and no one that relied on him. His anger was the only thing on earth he felt he truly possessed.

 

“I’m going to go for a ride I’ll be back in time,” Christian stated not caring whether or not his friend was okay with this.

“Where are you going?” Derek called after him as Christian swiftly headed out the door. “Don’t take my car!”

“I’m taking the bike,” Christian hollered back at him slamming the door. He went out to the street where his 2003 Yamaha Midnightstar was parked. He had stolen it some time ago back when he lived in New York. He had ridden it across country to California and it had stayed with him ever since.

He sped off trying to leave any thoughts of Hallie Harris behind, but the memory of her stubbornly lived. It rode on the back of his motorcycle and wrapped itself around his shoulders, leaning its head against his back as if she were riding with him.

 

The ocean flashed on either side while he raced across Malibu’s Pacific Coast Highway. As he rode by restaurants and bars he saw more and more girls scantily clad in nurse, cop, school girl, and other typical Halloween costumes. He almost forgot that it was Halloween night. There must have been a million rich s****y chicks out right now, and he knew he could have any one of them he wanted. That was the way he would forget about running into Hallie. He would forget about carrying her up the flights of stairs to her bedroom, and forget about watching her sleep after he undressed her and put her in warm pajamas. He would forget about how soft her face felt when he brushed his rough hand against her cheek. He would find some s****y cop or nurse or school girl, and do her. Granted he would probably never call them again, he never called any girl after he slept with them. He didn’t need to nor did he want to.

He pulled up to a popular LA nightclub guaranteed to be filled with women up to his standard. He had a few hours to kill and it took a lot less than that for him to find a girl for the night. Derek could wait.

The minute Christian took off his motorcycle helmet he saw all the females waiting in line outside the club check him out. He hadn’t even worn a costume, or gone in yet and he already had all eyes on him. This was going to be so easy. He could already see a girl from a distance dressed like Little Red Riding Hood making her way to the club with a group of friends. They were all dressed in red but for some reason this one stood out from the rest. He could hardly see her but he couldn’t help but notice the way she walked, almost floating. Her long curls spilled out of the red hood which partially covered her face. He couldn’t wait to get a better look. The bouncer took one look at the girls and let them in. She didn’t spot him but Christian knew that once she did Little Red Riding Hood would lose her way, just like in the story.

Author's Note

I have no idea about drugs lol so a lot of it is probably inaccurate...if you see any corrections at all that are needed please let me know! And let me know what you think overall. Thanks :)

Reviews

[Rosary]

yeah i dont do drugs any more but i did and susans right. actually the unwritten rule is never to say drug,

"trying to get high before they went on one of many drug deals that night." i would personally change that to "trying to toke it up a bit before they went on one of the there many excursions of driving the drop offs."

" I've never seen you so nervous before a drug deal," i would change this to I ve never seen you so tense before a deal"

just my opinion on those lines if i catch something eles later i will let you know. cuase i will definately be
reading this again. As always a very entertaining chapter from you . thanks its better then reading one of the many classic books on my shelf i hope i can read all your work as time goes on becuase i do really enjoy every minute of it. thanks also for submiting your pieces in the contest other wise i wouldnt of been brought to the attention of your beautiful writing.

[Moebia]

AHHHH THE IRONY. THE DRAMATIC IRONY. Love it! It's so funny, so ironic. >.> Great plot so far! I'm addicted.

[Susan M]

Like most of the other reviewers, I know nothing about drugs. One thing, though, is that I think they would probably not use the word "drug" so much, as in "drug deal". Don't they use slang for a lot of it?

In the first paragraph, you want "decent", not "descent". Also, there are lots of run-on sentences and sentences lacking in punctuation. I think sometimes we get so caught up in getting the story out that punctuation becomes an after-thought. But your story will have lots more punch if the reader isn't getting confused because of a lack of commas and quotation marks.

Still, it's a nicely told story and there is some great imagery there.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Actually even I don't know too much about drugs and its addiction :( So, even I can't help you out.
But, I think so its very much realistic and true.
Yet, I think so you could improve the flow in the final draft
I liked the imagery a lot in it!
A nice read overall :)

[Joseph - Michael]

You don't know anything about the drugs? All you have to do is do some serious researchings to understand the worlds of the drugs to know exactly what to write. I'm glad to hear that it's just a rough draft, but before making the final copy, just do the researchings, then your writing should come out so much differently and better that way. Hey, that's just me, so don't mind me

On the other hand, it's all good...

[Julie Dant]

Sorry, can't help you out on the drug front either.;0) But I can tell you how impressed I am that you write as you do and you are only in your early twenties. I have always wished to write as you are, but never had the confidence. I read all your chapters and they hold the reader between the pages nicely. I think you are very talented. Wonderful job. ;0)
regards,
Julie

[J-Boo]

"He sped off trying to leave any thoughts of Hallie Harris behind, but the memory of her stubbornly lived. It rode on the back of his motorcycle and wrapped itself around his shoulders, leaning its head against his back as if she were riding with him."

I loved those lines! Great imagery.

Quick paced and interesting. I actually haven't read any of the other chapters yet, but I certainly will :)

[Jamie Fantasy]

I think it all sounded pretty realistic, although I don't know much about drugs either. But I've seen movies. Lol! One thing I did notice though is some of the language in the dialogue. I don't think drug dealers would call it a "drug deal." They'd probably have a nickname for it, just call it a "deal," or drop. Something of that sort.

Don't forget your puctuation in your dialogue. Within the quotations, there wasn't a lot of separation between sentences and thoughts, etc.

This maybe something that came before in previous chapter, so if it is, you can just ignore this comment. But I would like to know more about why the women seemed to flock to Christian. Is it his looks, the way he walks, his attitude? What is it about him that made every girl in that line look at him?

I love what I've read of this story so far. I haven't started the book yet but I plan on it soon. I did read the story, though, and this and I think it has a such great potential for a touching book. I'm looking forward to it. ;)