A Poem by Eya

This is a poem about my friend who turned out to be...different

  You didn't even 
Ask me to stop
I was the foolish
But you knew that,right?
You wanted me to 
Come home to you
It was almost begging
I knew you did
But I guess I didn't
I was a fool
Why did you blind me?
Like that,I thought
That grin on my lips
You knew how to destroy it
Then I thought deep down
It wasn't you
That couldn't keep me
I was no bliss
But I should have never
Fallen in your game
I was too stupid
To love you more
To care the most
But when you moved on
I wasn't sure
What was I doing
Back in your home
Maybe you ignored that
But I knew for sure
You did love her
Though you tried too hard
Within your soul
And you knew that I was
Pulling you back
Back to our world
But then your shdow 
Couldn't fit
Not anymore
I tried to widen
But I guess you were
Busy destroying
What was randomly remained
What did you want me
To do back then?
I guess you wanted
Me by your side
But why whoud I
Be too unsure?
I could not blame you
I was the one
Hiding behind your lies
You've played me right
Your lies were collapsing
And my soul was bleeding
I was just young
Farewell to everything we had
It was too obvious
We were that hurt
I remember clearly...
And then you pulled the trigger
Which, I couldn't dodge
It was too over
This time you won
It went right through my chest
That I couldn't breathe
It was too awful
I could barely confess
The last thing I saw
Was you carrying me
You felt so guilty
You would deny it
But now we're even, i guess
Bittersweet goodbye
That was the end
We couldn't help it
It was our fate

© 2017 Eya

Author's Note

Hi guys I hope you enjoy it. Please criticize
Thank you xx

My Review

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Okay. So considering English is not your first language, this is quite good. The only thing i would say is, your work is not properly structured. When you read each line, it has to make sense on its own, not necessarily a sentence. For example
You wanted me to come home to you... That could be a line.
Also, starting a poem with but...there should be something that comes before it, you can remove it in the first line, its not necessary. I hope this is helpful.

Posted 1 Year Ago

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1 Review
Added on November 7, 2017
Last Updated on November 8, 2017