A Taste of the Afterlife

This is a short story I wrote based on real events in my life.

It's funny how guilt works. It only takes a moment to create it, but it can affect countless moments after it has been created. My guilt was created one unforgettable day I damned my best friend for my own gain. I regret it everyday and the guilt clawed at me until I could no longer bare everyday life. It took me years of therapy and addictive pain-dulling medicine to finally deal with that guilt. But I later found out that a person can never really overcome true guilt, it lies dormant inside a person like a virus. Just like a virus guilt takes its toll at first until treated, but always remains to strike again when a person is most frail. My guilt attacked me again one night in the form of a dream. I'll never forget what happened and maybe this will help some people find a little bit of hope.

It was a normal night to me. Another day gone by only made livable by alcohol which seemed to end my soul crushing boredom with living. When I wasn't drinking I was popping some Xanax, which was a highly addictive substance used to calm people with anxiety. I often abused both substances because my life was a mesh of guilt and boredom which never seemed to end. I climbed into bed feeling good because my medicine was starting to kick in which meant that I could finally get some sleep. Being an insomniac for years I learned to tell which days I could sleep, and which days were going to be nothing but 24 hours of complete dread. I can remember closing my eyes and feeling that inner peace a person gets when they are about to fall asleep, then everything went black.

I still have trouble remembering anything before I opened my eyes, but that's because I was probably asleep and that there was nothing to remember. But when I opened my eyes I saw an ambience that was utterly unknown to me. Nothing was around me except the glow of white light and what seemed like clouds underneath me. Instinctively I tried to stand up, but a weakness that was unknown to me had come over my entire body. I tried to lift my head and look around but my neck was weak and my vision blurry. I lied there on the ground for what seemed like an eternity before a blurry figure approached me.

This figure reached out with a singular arm and held its hand out as if to help me up. My arm shook as I reached up to grab this hand and when I did I'll never forget what happened. This person brought me to my feet and I felt as if he lifted all the weight off my body. Complete peace flowed over me and it was as if this teenager had somehow rid me of my burdens and restored me to a higher state. My vision became crystal clear and my body now had this strange glow to it just like this teenager in front of me. I stood there in complete shock for what seemed like an hour before this teenager spoke to me.

"Hello Adam, it's been awhile since I've seen you." Said this teenager. I stood there and gave him a confused look. It took some time but I was finally able to conjure a few words.

"Who are you and where am I?" They weren't the words I wanted to say but that's how they came out. I took my time to look around and found complete nothingness to be the only thing around. Everything had a heavenly glow to it which confused me because there was nothing around. I guess what I mean is that nothingness seemed heavenly wherever I was.

"I can't remember how long it's been since I've seen you." Said the teenager. "Time seems to fade up here, but that's what I like about it here in my afterlife. There are no more worries, no more pain, no more hatred, and everything is as simple as I want it to be."

I could only manage a surprised look at first. But the longer I was in this place the easier it became to talk and function like I use too. "What do you mean by afterlife?" I said.

The teenager gave a soft chuckle and like a bolt of lightning my memories came back. I knew who this person was. It was Kyle and the last time I saw him was 20 years ago when I damned him to save myself. I instantly fell to my knees and no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't cry. Kyle looked at me, smiled then said, "isn't it obvious Adam? You were always quicker to catch onto things than I was. But if you must know I'm dead and I no longer exist in the real world. My consciousness has been floating up here in this heavenly place since I've died. That's what I mean by afterlife."

I looked up at Kyle and he was standing there with a smile still on his face. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Kyle I'm sorry. I know what I did to you was wrong but I never meant for it to end up this way." I paused for a minute and than began to beg, "Kyle please forgive me, my life's been a living hell since you left me and I miss you everyday. For years I wanted to say this to you but I didn't know where to turn. It took me years to bare with your death and all I ever wanted was your forgiveness. Please forgive me Kyle!"

Kyle's face became serious as his smile faded away. "What is so important about my forgiveness that you couldn't go on living?" He asked.

"What I did to you was unforgivable." I said, "it seemed as if my goal in life was to have your forgiveness after your death. I always thought it would be impossible to get it but now I'm here in front of you on my knees begging for it. I can understand if you don't give it to me but I needed to try." I looked up at Kyle who now had a smile on his face.

"It's not my forgiveness you need because you've had that the second I reached this place. When we die we have more higher purposes to worry about and we cannot achieve those if we dwell on the past. For you Adam, I'd give you my life an infinite amount of times if you asked. You shielded me in life and helped me more than you can understand. I brought you here in your dream to let you know that I forgive you and I always have. But what you need to hear is that you must forgive yourself. I cannot do that for you for, but I can help you find that first step. Alcohol and pills will only help you so much in life. The meaning of life is something you only truly understand in death but it helps immensely to have peace in the living world. All I want to do is repay the favor because your friendship was that peace to me and one mistake will never ruin that." Said Kyle still looking at me with that smile I once knew.

I looked up at Kyle and managed to smile with a tear in my eye. I tried to speak but nothing came out. My body felt weak and my vision became blurry again. Everything began to lose its heavenly glow, except for Kyle who began to fade in my vision. I felt as if I was drifting further away from his afterlife and the last thing I heard before I woke up was, "I love you Adam and I always will. Remember what we talked about." And just like that my eyes opened again and I was sitting in my bed. I cried for hours after I woke up. My mind had trouble wrapping around the dream I had. I tried to figure out if it was more than a dream but I was just torturing myself. I got up and for the first time in years, I didn't touch alcohol that day. I haven't touched that or Xanax in 15 years.

For those who are wondering, the dream I had was 100% real to me. It actually happened and it changed me in so many ways. The names in this story aren't our actual names and the amount of time that went by isn't accurate. I changed some things in the story because I wish to stay as anonymous as possible.


~A

Author's Note

Any reviews are always appreciated. I like to write under anonymous so I won't answer many questions if you have them but I'm always up for suggestions.

Reviews

[Hannah Fishburn]

This is beautiful. I almost teared up, I tell you what XD When I was reading and Kyle first appeared, I thought "Oh no, he O.D.ed and the figure is the Grim Reaper!" But then it was your deceased friend and it turned out really heartfelt and good and ugh. I hope that after the dream your life took a turn for the better. :) You're a very good writer and I'm glad I read this.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for the review I'm glad you enjoyed it. And my life has changed immensely for the better form the whole experience. I'm very thankful it happened because it put my life back on track.