A happy Sadness

A sad Widow getting happiness from her son.

In a cold dark room,

A mother lies alone,

Her baby screams,

Her heart hears him moan,

The baby aches of hunger,

But the mothers pain is worse,

No husband to care,

Her husband has left her bare,

Been gone for awhile now, 

She thinks the hurt will pass,

but the shadow of him in bed,

Leaves her scars that seem last,

Rolling over to rise,

To tend to her love,

She wipes her cries,

And gives her heart a hug,

Coming close to her son,

He feels her presence

Lifts his head,

the child so cute and pleasant,

On his face now a smile,

The mother grasps him in her arms,

the happiness of a child,

lifts her spirits from gloom,

Author's Note

Please comment and criticize. this is my first writing.

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

Very lovely scene described with great imagery. The emotions are expressed well...very honestly. Yes, if a father is no longer on the scene, the mother must play both roles for the child. The meaning is expressed well, but the rhyme is again very scattered. You employ good similes and good imagery. You have potential for sure. Lydi**

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

This is a terrific subject to write on. It is personal and relate-able and it is a unique subject but one that can be explored in detail without losing the audience. I think that as a first writing it is superb, but we are not here to just exchange compliments, so I will go more in depth. I think that what this poem could benefit from is an outline. You could use this as a rough draft, and it is very complete at that, but what I feel it is lacking is the proper progression from stanza to stanza. Overall the feeling is exactly right, but the stanzas done move the ideas forward at an even pace. If you outlined it then I would ask yourself what each stanza is doing in that particular order and what the chronology is and if the stanzas are completing a thought. I do this a lot myself, I tend to let the structure dictate where I am heading with my poem, but the hard part is forcing the function to dictate the form of your poem. The first stanza is roughly perfect, and I wouldn't change it much if at all. Then the second stanza sets the pace for how much we will expect to change from stanza to stanza. In this case only a moment seems to have passed. I think the third stanza is where you lose me a bit. It is because it jumps around in time. "Been gone awhile now" makes perfect sense, but it also is referencing a time that is not in the sequence. Maybe it should be tucked deeper in the stanza like the second or third line. I am being really specific here, but I am trying to communicate as clearly as I can what threw me off. I get the meaning of this poem taking place in an instant almost, but for the reader it also takes a certain amount of time to read and I think the space between stanzas is important. Hard as it is to rhyme and keep to a set number of syllables and also keep the intellectual pace at a set standard, I think you can do it. You seem to have the capacity for it. Particularly if this is just your first writing! I hope I don't seem to have not appreciated it, because I do. I just feel like you wouldn't be on here if you didn't want some legitimate feedback. The pacing is the main thing I can find to comment on.

[Coyote Poetry]

A well written poem. A very sad poem. Being hungry and a child involved create reaction and thoughts. The poem make it point. No woman or child should have no place to live and food to eat. Shelter and safety should be available. We hope. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[dreamer]

beautiful poem. expresses the feeling nicely and is food for thought...