I just can't breathe

All desires in my heart brings the pain now,

The sad nights and gloomy days are passing by,

While the tears is giving luminous shine to my eyes.

Through the window i look in vain,

there's only the dark night,

my crazy head is waiting for you,

but i know you won't come.

Only you knew the way to my soul,

only you had the key of my heart,

all the gates are falling down

while my hope is prevailed by dark.

All deserted streets now

are like my memories,

everything that i would wish with you

are just fantasies.

Every day is infinite,

every night is too long,

every word is superfluous,

every lie is true,

every abyss is bottomless

every bit of pain is award,

there's no more happiness.

I can't find a way through this

your pictures are still following me,

and your words of consolation,

without you i just can't breathe..

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

This is honest emotion without being maudlin. Very descriptive and it flows well. I would rewrite the last few lines to:
I can't find a way through this; your pictures and words of consolation still follow me...
without you I cannot breathe.
The third line would read better if you wrote:
While the tears give luminous shine to my eyes.

You have writing in your blood!

[Brittypoo]

good job that's how I feel always :'(

[Mackenzie Brooke]

i like this alot touched my heart a little
thankyou for sharing :)

[B. Maaitah]

touching and seems genuine

[***Tori***]

wow, that was quite a touching peice, pleaze NEVER stop writing.

[Ashley Rivers :)]

SO beautiful and amazing.
But it's sad to think about being left behind :/ it's a quite bad feeling. But you'll find someone much better.
Great job indeed :)

Ashley Rivers--Dream BIG and you'll win BIG:)

[Victoria Elizabeth]

As i said, great work!!!!!!!!!!!

[BLBrown]

I fell into this poem by accident...was reading some of your other pieces. First, I cannot believe you are 14, that English is not your first language being that you are from Croatia??? You work has incredible depth. This piece is piercing, Leighton. Especially liked how you crafted:

Through the window i look in vain,
there's only the dark night,
my crazy head is waiting for you,
but i know you won't come.

"crazy head"...everyone who is in love has a "crazy head."

Good job.

[Ememuelle]

I love this piece. The last line really cries out the essence of its emotion and it is beautiful and well constructed.

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Prekrasna pjesma! Tužna i mračna, baš kako volim. :D