Silence

Alone while the town is prevailed by silence,

At the moment all my dreams are growing into ruins,

Like when wind tears off the petals of branches.

Reins are too short to me,

and there are no wild horses on the valley.

There's just a name on the telephone pole,

And one little bird who's awaking the distant morning with her song,

And a red carnation who's tucked into squeaky gates.

I drew a heart on the paper while sadness is trespassing on it.

In the street there's lights turning on who's never shined before,

And the paper kite is remained tangled in the birch trees.

Reviews

[None]

I love the every day things that become very extraordinary. I feel a pending foreboding and a sadness in the voice and how the speaker notices everything as if this is his or her last day on earth. Everything and nothing is important. The speaker has a very distant and numb observation of everything, but it all comes from the drowsiness of too much pain. My only critique is try and clean up the grammar in some of the lines and slim them down a bit. Fro example: There are no wild horses in the valley.

Great work. I love the dark sadness of this piece.

[Sunset Girl]

Very interesting, makes you think a little more about the things we see around us but never really pay attention to.

[The BiXXX]

easy to vusualize(:

[The Flame of the Knight]

I like it. This is very good. High Five!

[Angelic Surrender]

This is a wonderful piece. You are very talented. Keep this up. You should be an author someday. Good work.

[Chris]

I think you are worth the listening to. A good "voice", mind and eyes... take your time and don't be too impatient.

[The Siren]

Now THIS is a poem! Girl, you are so talented! This is amazing work. So imaginative and creative...You've created a beautiful piece of art over here... Great job!

[Kes]

You paint such amazing and heartbreaking images with your words.
You really have a gift. :)
K

[BLBrown]

Hi there,

I had to read through this a few times, trying to understand the underlying meaning. It seems like you wanted to write about, in the silence, what is happening in very subtle ways...with sadness woven into it. It's good. I might make it a bit more clear by saying in the first line what this is about...to help the reader with some perspective before reading the rest of the poem. If the message is one of sadness within silence, then perhaps rework the first line to say that, like:

Modify "Just squints while the town is prevailed by silence," to "Life moves while the town..." or "Subtle shifts while..." or "Alone while..." Just some things to consider.

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Predobre pjesničke slike! Ovo je prava umjetnost...tako mirno i pomalo tmurno, ali opet nekako opuštajuće.