All i needed.

All I needed was your attention, to hold your hand and walk through the college door.
I wanted your love but you gave it to a man luckier than I.

All I wanted was to look in your eyes and move closer to you, like you did yesterday with him. But all I got was your smile. I needed you to come towards me.
Did you ever hear my heartbeat ? It always races when I see you.

It was lovely to hear your voice, but terribly hard when you spoke to him. You didn't even wish me a goodbye.

All I needed were your words. I wanted your voice all to myself. He may never love you the way I do.
When I passed through by your window yesterday, all I wanted was for you to look out and wave at me.

All I needed was to be with you and make you my wife. I wanted to keep you in my arms until the end of time.

I wanted you to stay away from him. I tried to attract you towards me, but I was acting like someone I'm not. Every night killed me. I could not wait until morning to see you again in the hope that someday your footsteps would lead you to me rather than to him.

All I needed is that look of yours. That smile could've made my day.
You gave these to him. Maybe he loved you, but no one could love you as much as I did.
My friends told me to forget you, but moving on would be an insult to our love.

I wanted you and I to become us, but you never gave the chance.
All I needed was for you to be with me, and the day I heard you fighting with him, my jealousy turned to happiness.
The other day, I smiled at you and you smiled back. All I need is you to come to me. I saw your feet taking you towards me, and since then I haven't let you go.

Reviews

[Accalia]

This story had so much emotion. I could feel the anger, jealousy, longing, desperation, and happiness...Keep up the good work, and keep on writing!

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thankyou Accalia

[Karisha Nove]

Isn't it some kind of one sided love... and hope it will become two sided... i found me in him, in past I was like this boy but I moved on and when he came back it was long gone time... i love his determination towards that girl...

[Farhan Shaikh]

Owhhh...sad to hear..thankyou for the review

[Surya]

Sometimes its hard to move on....and sometimes all seems a cluster of booms....time decides.....I enjoyed it...:)

[Farhan Shaikh]

Yep, i am glad you enjoyed

[Mr.Writer]

So you've seen 13 reasons why... that show made me depressed :/
Your story brought me into tears and it was amazing... it kept on reminding me of Hannah :(
So many emotions and feelings brought into this masterpiece...
Well done Farhan, keep it up! :)

[Farhan Shaikh]

You're right Shaan, that depressed me too..and i am glad that you enjoyed

[Mr.Writer]

No problem Farhan! :)

[wordman]

it`s hard to say goodbye to the one u love

[Farhan Shaikh]

It's too hard Mr.Wordman.
Thanks for the time

[Ethan]

Grammar corrections/optional edits:

All I needed was your attention, to hold your hand and walk through the college door.
I wanted your love but you gave it to a man luckier than I.
All I wanted was to look in your eyes and move closer to you, like you did yesterday with him. But all I got was your smile. I needed you to come towards me.
Did you ever hear my heartbeat ? It always races when I see you. It was lovely to hear your voice, but terribly hard when you spoke to him. You didn't even wish me a goodbye.

All I needed were your words. I wanted your voice all to myself. He may never love you the way I do.
When I passed through by your window yesterday, all I wanted was for you to look out and wave at me.

All I needed was to be with you and make you my wife. I wanted to keep you in my arms until the end of time.
I wanted you to stay away from him. I tried to attract you towards me, but I was acting like someone I'm not. Every night killed me. I could not wait until morning to see you again in the hope that someday your footsteps would lead you to me rather than to him.

All I needed is that look of yours. That smile could've made my day.
You gave these to him. Maybe he loved you, but no one could love you as much as I did.
My friends told me to forget you, but moving on would be an insult to our love. I wanted you and I to become us, but you never gave the chance.
All I needed was for you to be with me, and the day I heard you fighting with him, my jealousy turned to happiness.
The other day, I smiled at you and you smiled back. All I need is you to come to me. I saw your feet taking you towards me, and since then I haven't let you go.

Comments:

Okay, so this may be a little lengthy. Bear with me. Also, these are just my opinions on your work, not you as a person. Unless, of course, this is a true story because I'm going to critique the narrator later on. Don't take anything personally.

Okay, first, I am going to explain a bit of the editing I did above. In general, I clipped sentences and phrases that were unnecessary, fixed odd syntax, and tried to clear up some word choice. For instance, I cut "handsome hunk." It's cliche and honestly, a little creepy. I also made your punctuation and capitalization consistent.

So, on to the narrator. I found it extremely hard to identify with him, especially considering this is a piece that lives or dies on the reader's emotional reaction. Now, this premise is something many people can relate to. Everyone's fallen in love with someone who doesn't love them back. However, if you really love someone, you want to see them happy. In general, the narrator seems selfish. Things like, "i wanted your voice to be only for me and not for your handsome hunk. He may never love you the way I do," seem harshly judgmental. No one could know how much he loved her, and I think to call it into question, specially in the middle of a relationship, is wrong. Most people in this situation find a conflict inside themselves, such as, "She makes me so happy, but she's not as happy with me. I want to be happy, but a the same time, I can't bear to see her not get the happiness she deserves." However, the narrator's conflict is between himself and the woman. No one should want to force someone else into loving them. Now, you may say, "it all turned out okay in the end." I don't think this even matters. If the girl had not loved him at the end, it sounds like the narrator would have lead a jealous and hate-filled life. Why would a woman, let alone a reader, fall in love with a character like that?

All in all, you still have some redeeming qualities in this piece. It flowed well and kept its message clear. However, I could not get past the attitude of the narrator as I was reading. Thanks for the read request, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Cheers!

[Farhan Shaikh]

I appreciate Ethan thanks for a constructive review..cheers☺

[Ethan]

No problem

[rowan.taylorrr]

this is a beautiful storyline, but i feel like it could be more put together. i just started reading requests again and i want to be straight forward with how i feel if i am going to review something. this piece is good, but it gets kind of confusing. it's on wether they're going to end up together or not, which is a great twist but it confuses the reader a bit. i also suggest to not say "your guy" because it does not fit right. of course, it's your choice as it is your writing:)

[Farhan Shaikh]

I'll look into it...thank you xoxo

[Farhan Shaikh]

But i mentioned in the last line, it shall clear the confusion..

[Jiya]

"moving on will be an insult to our love."
it's the song of every turned down lover's heart.
this untold melancholy is beautifully phrased. when words fail you, your pen becomes your perfect companion.

keep it up!
and i wanna read more of this.

[Farhan Shaikh]

Kind words always motivated me to write more, thankyou

[Wajiha Nayeem]

the ending is beautiful......the title attracted me to the story and i went on reading...beautiful work farhan..i wnna read more.

[Farhan Shaikh]

You will read more..thankyou wajiha☺

[Abraham George]

nice one. Emotionally romantic . keep writing

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thankyou man☺ and i will