Lapse

the story of a man who lost everything in his life and is left in a downward spiral of his own mental state.

Belittle the middle between the meadows and the liver so far are the country fellows with bearded slivers of hardship

Rum with harlots of grime never loved or divine just pleasant company alive with stories of mine from far behind
Drunken rampages with mother in mind and father inside smoking his tobacco with pictures of mine lining the room
I swoon for days never to move the body with you lost too soon the heavens blew you away but my soul aches
Laying inside a box just a broken life with a thinking mind burning loud with anxious vibes of lines from songs I live by
Heartbreak stray away from my mind don't stain the panes within mine with lanes of change changing endless times
The black-hole inside my conscious the wondering kind holding affairs in my mind sensations of a lost existance
Never-mind the tear in my head living inside can I live inside my mind can I live inside mine can I live inside can I stay
Can I stay in your mind oh can I stay inside yours can I stay in your times can I lay inside can I lay inside can I be alive?

Author's Note

constructive criticism is always appreciated

Reviews

[Kenneth The Poet]

Nice one. I think it would work better if the lines were seperated into stanzas and those lines became more lines seperated by syllable count. That's just me. Thank you for this today.