Big Brother..?

This is how I got over my high school crush, even before he became my crush

Okay so there has been an issue that has been bothering me for a long time. And the thing is this whole issue is centred around a guy. Around him also revolves my imagination, expectation, guilt, jealousy and resolution. 

Let me break down this awfully complicated story . 

Imagination 

Ever since I was a I child, when ever I read a good book with a male lead who’s not good qualities, and a nice personality he becomes my base line. And about two years ago I met someone quite similar to this base line. He was kind, sincere, selfless and I guess sorta funny. But there’s one thing he’s missing In my eyes, he’s not that good looking. But however I started to make imaginary stories about this person in my head. 

Expectation 

As some time passed by, we grew closer. Not close as in we can have a deep conversation kind of close, but the kind of close you can get when you stay friends with someone for two years without getting into a fight. And the more close we became the more I started to expect from him. Because as we got closer and closer I started to realised how well he treats me. Maybe this is my imagination or maybe not, but there were times when I felt that he always put me before any of his other priorities. 

Guilt 

Some more time passed by, and my friends started to ship us. And I also started to ship us, not with any expectation though, just imagining innocent thoughts about what might happen if we actually get together. And maybe because he was always helping me and I was always on the receiving end, I started to feel guilty because there was nothing I could do for him. I started to feel so guilty that I tried to ignore him and avoid him as much as possible. 

Jealousy 

Even more time passed. We grew apart. And during that time I was watching him. And I realised something. He wasn’t just treating me well. He treats EVERY ONE nicely. Okay, to be more specific every girl nicely. It wasn’t just me he was being nice too. IT’s just that when he was bring nice to me I was too caught up by his attention on me that I purposefully ignored the fact that he treats everybody around him well. Seeing how he also gave other girls well, not just me, made me fell a little bit jealous.

Resolution 

After all that trouble I was back to square one again. Where I was confused why he was being good to me in the first place and what I should do if I wanted to repay him. At one time I thought maybe because he helps me so much with his maths skills , maybe I could help him brush up his English. But then I remembered how selfish I am, and I decided not to give him my English notes because I don’t want him to do better than me in my only strongest subject. 

And then one day, this external source gave me a solution for my never ending problem. 

“He’s like your big brother isn’t he?” 

Those words hit me with reality. He was like a big brother to me. He was someone who took care me and treated me with care, as if I’m his younger sister. And here comes the best part of being a younger sister. A big brother will never expect his younger sister to pay him back. 

Author's Note

Please ignore the fact that, I don't proof read my work.. so.. there will be a LOT of errors