hate list

i used to write everything i hated about myself

in dry-erase marker on my mirror.

things you called me that i never forgot.

things i don't want to think anymore

but things that threaten to swallow me.

 

it was months before you saw the list.

you yelled at me and scrubbed it out with your hand,

uneven, leaving floating words 'retard' and 'w***e'.

not motherly concern, but out of fear

that someone might see evidence of your treachery.

 

i erased the rest when you threatened me,

and after some deliberation, added the word 'undefined'.

because those words were all i am.

so it's okay for you to say i'm these things,

but it's not okay for me to believe it?

Author's Note

for my mother <3

Reviews

[rowan.taylorrr]

oh my gosh, I love this. I love how people would assume that it relates to a couple, but it doesn't. not all mothers are loving and caring like they seem, well job!

[Woja]

They seem to eccho in the back of your mind don't they there are times I try do something and I hear you cant your not good enough smart enough this is a well written poem

[J.M]

A mother is someone who should care for you and it's always sad when this doesn't happen. But whatever people say, words can hurt in ways that no amount of scrubbing can remove. Names engraved on the mind are the worst as the mind itself cause the truest pain.