If You Care

I discovered this poem as I was digging through some old work and was astonished to find that though I wrote it a few months ago, it's probably the saddest and yet loveliest of my work.

Dear future love,

This is a letter from the past.

Perhaps, to you, my last,

So forgive me if I stutter,

You should know of my nervous flutter.

I am writing this to say,

And perhaps you know this anyway,

That I care all too much.

I cherish you deeply with every touch.

I have things I never told you,

Because I was afraid that I would never hold you,

But I will tell it all,

So let your shoulders fall..

Make yourself at home,

And read this while alone,

Because I will reveal something,

That to no one else I’ve ever shown.

Some may think me greedy,

Or undeniably needy,

But I only want you to know,

I have been through towering high and sinking low.

I have seen what sadness can bring,

Whether it be a peaceful morning upon an early spring,

Or a dark and dreary night,

Filled with unbearable terror and sickening fright.

I have seen what others do,

The evil spreading just as it grew.

When there was an innocent me,

Jumping, slipping, then falling off of the innocent tree.

I have been in agonizing pain,

The kind that leaves you frozen in the rain.

The kind that makes your mouth taste dry,

From choking on tears as you silently cry.

I remember the ones I’ve lost,

I even remember the cost.

The sins I’ve committed that made me wish they were here,

Have cut my lungs with my broken bones,

Have made it clear;

I will never get to hold them near.

Everything that I once held dear,

Is now everything that I fear.

I will cry when it’s late at night,

When I’ve switched off every room light,

When the moon is shining round and bright,

And when the dark woods seem to come creeping,

The lonely grey wolves still howling and weeping,

And then I will pretend to be alright.

I have faced death a thousand times,

I know how it sounds,

And I know how it rhymes,

So I will need someone to tell me that everything is fine.

To walk me through the thin red maple,

And thick brown pine.

To pull me out of the inevitable dark,

And show me a light,

Cast me a spark,

Because I will fall to my knees if you let me go,

And bury myself in the icy snow,

Where the evil will bring me to a torturous place,

Where corsets will crush me with every lace.

Where every door will break my fingers,

Where sharks and tigers and lions will linger,

Where the mirrors will not reflect my smile,

And where my love will burn in an ash pile.

So know that every now and then,

I don’t know how and I don’t know when,

I will feel lost and beaten bare,

And you are the one that I want to be there.

If you love me.

If you care.

Author's Note

I thought this was a little personal for me to write since at that time, I was struggling with coping and trying to pick myself back up. I was depressed for a few months and this was written as I was recovering. I have been up and down over the last five years so I did interpret a bit of that throughout the poem as I talk about my vulnerabilities. This is the first time in five years that I have been able to be this open about it and revising these words has brought me much comfort in knowing that I have been able to cope since. It is very difficult to pull yourself out of depression once you've hit rock bottom, but it is achievable if you're patient with yourself and take time out of your day to express how you feel in a way that makes you happy. I am so happy to be a writer for without the ability to seep my thoughts and emotions into my keyboard or on paper, it would've been very difficult for me to pick myself up. Though I currently don't have someone to send this letter to, I hope that I will one day and that they will read it carefully and comprehensingly while keeping in mind that my state has improved since the birth of this poem. I hope you like it (:

Reviews

[CM-Stars]

What a powerful piece. So many good stanzas in it. You really capture the brokenness, the pain so well. I love this one in particular:

"I have been in agonizing pain,
The kind that leaves you frozen in the rain.
The kind that makes your mouth taste dry,
From choking on tears as you silently cry"

Such a relatable poem, it makes my former hurts ache.

[Dominik D. Ravens]

Thank you very much for this review (: I was very touched by your last sentence and I am glad that you enjoyed it. Much love.

[C_theSurrealist]

This is a great masterpiece about brokenness which melts my heart as I read it. The story within catches my feelings and influences me. Strive harder in writing more literary pieces. Good job.