Adelaide

Adelaide

A Story by FocusedAmnesia
"

"You make me look like I sound like I'm crazy" -Crazy = Cute -Zolof

"
Previous Version
This is a previous version of Adelaide.



Her pen worked furiously across the paper. The ink darker in some spots as she pressed down hard. Words formed on the page, spouting from all different directions of her mind, but making sense on the page.

 

She had to get it out.

 

She had to get it all out.

 

Even at her young age, she was mature, not caring that she was considered weird, wearing clothes that made her stand out from everyone else in her lame town, and she was always seen with her lips moving. Sure, it was an odd sight, and she knew she looked as if she was talking to herself, but that fact was, music was always on. She never went anywhere without music. Headphones were always in her ears, playing a variety of music, depending on her mood.

 

The purpose: to keep her mind occupied.

 

The thoughts, scenes, memories, whatever you would like to call them, were getting to her. Scratch that, they had already gotten to her, and she couldn't take it. She wanted to scream, pull her hair, gauge her eyes out, anything to get the images and words to stop flashing through her mind.

 

"Please stop," she cried.

 

Tears fell from her eyes. She couldn't remember the last time she cried, but now she was bawling, smudging the freshly written letters on the white-lined paper. Her head was pounding, her sobs getting stuck in her throat, and her chest heaved. Finally, after two years of enduring the scenes and words playing through her head, like a slide show, she was hitting her breaking point.

 

"For a human girl, your mind can handle quite a lot."

 

She spun around in her desk chair, tears still rolling down her cheeks, and her chest still heaving. Words could not escape her mouth, as for she was still choking herself with her sobs. Now, her eyes widened to the size of golf balls, and her chest tightened.

 

The man took deliberate, fluid steps towards her, and knelt down. "You have to calm down." He placed his hands on her cheeks, running his fingers under her eyes. "Stop crying," He ordered softly, "And concentrate on breathing. In, out..."

 

She tried, and tried, and tried, but tears continued to roll down her cheeks. After a few minutes, she had stopped choking on her sobs. Her breathing slowed considerably, and she closed her eyes, willing the tears to stop.

 

"I'm sorry I had to put you through this, Adelaide." He spoke with true sorrow.

 

Her eyes snapped open once more, at the sound of the dark stranger's voice. For a moment, she just stared at him, studying his strong facial features: his jaw was square, prominent cheekbones, straight nose. His mouth was set in a frown; his lips just a little bigger than the average male. Green stared deep into her soul, as she was mesmerized by the swirling yellow flecks around his pupils.

 

"Why aren't I afraid of you?"

"There's no reason to be."

She scoffed, then narrowed her eyes. "No reason to be? There's a strange guy in my room, who showed up out of friggin' nowhere. Yeah, that's perfectly normal."

"Nothing about you is normal, Addy."

"That's just what every teenage girls wants to hear." She shook her head before looking at him once more. "And how do you know my name?"

"There are many things I know about you."

"Okay, now I should officially be freaked," she paused, "And now I'm going to freak out about not being freaked out by you!"

 

Music came from deep in the man's throat, in the form of a chuckle. His green eyes danced wildly as he watched the young girl before him. It felt amazing to finally be before her, in the flesh.

 

"You have been... hearing voices," he began, making sure he chose his words carefully, "For years now. The reason for that is that you have a gift, a special ability. It is hereditary, and pretty rare. Some humans have a special ability, but are unaware of it.." He made sure she was understanding his words before continuing, "However, your gift is powerful, or it will be."

She let his words soak in for a few minutes, thinking it over. Nothing besides the overflow of voices scared her, so she handled this new news quite well. "Hearing voices is a pretty dumb gift. I'd rather turn invisible, or even fly."

"Oh, Addy," he shook his head as he chuckled. "You have much to learn."

"Okay, Yoda," sarcasm dripped from her mouth, "Are you the one whose going to teach me? Does this mean I get to know who you are?"


© 2010 FocusedAmnesia



Author's Note

FocusedAmnesia
Well, it's almost 3a.m. here, and this came to me. I'm not sure what it is, or if it makes much sense.
*Slowly turning this into a more completed story.



Featured Review

It does make sense. The first paragraph cought my attention pretty well. Great description. You had the me keep on reading, just what was she trying to get out? And what were these scenes that kept on playing in her head?

When it got to the end, I wanted to keep on reading. Is there any chance of writing more? Or is that just it?

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Its written well, i tried writing a story off the cuff and it came out a mess lol

I love Addys sense of humour in a strange situation, but I do feel shes a little to trusting of Brendan. But then again maybe shes given up on normal life by now and has been subconsciesly waiting for something like this, based on my personal experience lol, even though I'd rather get a female version of brendan!(Brendwin? Brenda? Brendania?)

Well written words writer.

Posted 4 Years Ago


This is amazing! It's so beautiful and it makes sense to me. You should add on!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It does make sense.. I get ideas early in the morning like that to . great job:)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow, 3 a.m. and a deep piece came to your mind. The only thing in my head at 3 am of anything is sleep or trying to.

Anyways, um, for me to make sense of this I have to know what it was created for. I mean if it's to relate and to reveal something, the last paragraph does kind of thrust the reader in the dark and deep. However, this is for entertainment like an actual story/book, then I would say this is great and the character that entered the setting is a very mysterious character that I'm sure the reader would like you to write more about because my deal is that the girl was feeling that all on her own then suddenly this guy comes out of nowhere.

This described me right off the back, though, I was like this girl is awesome and wondering who she reminds me of. Then I thought of me. Everybody calls me mature, weird, random, I don't know about clothes other than my special brim hat I have, but everywhere I go, I need music. My grandmother always says I'm going to go depth, but bleh, I'm listening to music to listen to her.

Ha ha, anyways, this can make sense in everyway you put it. I complement you dearly for sharing this.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a great opening but the reader is left in the dark at the end. It makes sense and I hope you write more on it. I really like what you have got down so far. It'f funny you typed it in the font at 3 a.m. lol. Great.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It give you a great opening if you can figure out where you want to take it.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really like this, great introduction to something, leaves you hanging because you sort of know what's going on but not quite. The purple made it a little hard to read but I enjoyed it. Great descriptions and I like how you make it intense even though very little action is happening.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It does make sense. The first paragraph cought my attention pretty well. Great description. You had the me keep on reading, just what was she trying to get out? And what were these scenes that kept on playing in her head?

When it got to the end, I wanted to keep on reading. Is there any chance of writing more? Or is that just it?

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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33 Views
7 Reviews
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Added on June 20, 2010
Last Updated on August 9, 2010
Tags: Writing, Thoughts, Breakdown, Sobbing, Images, Girl, Adelaide
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FocusedAmnesia
FocusedAmnesia

NJ



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