The Tattered Jester

Within the tower you sit patiently,

Awaiting your prince charming to save you, 

You sit the window with a candle at night,

Like beacon you pray for his arrival,

Many seasons have passed for this fair maiden,

And her knight had failed to show,

Then one winter night she spotted a light,

A wisp of fire darted through the trees,

And out of the shrubs fell a man of low title,

A tattered jester outlawed by the king.

He stood himself up and brushed down his clothes,

And adjusted his hat with the silver bells,

He looked up in awe at the tower so tall,

Yet the fair maiden looked down disappointed,

"Oh lady, with locks of gold why the long face?"

She sighed once and cleared her throat loudly,

"I have awaited my prince, my knight in shining armour,

Yet he has failed to make himself known" 

The jester shook his head and jingle jangled away,

"Why then your knight is but a fool,

a beauty such as yourself locked away tight,

I feel sorry for the men who cannot meet your eyes" 

She creased up her mouth, and smiled ever so slightly,

She brushed back her hair and curled it in her fingers, 

"You're sweet, you have a tongue of gold,

A suspect many a woman has fallen at your feet"

"Alas you would be mistaken you see I am merely a jester,

And a failed one at that, my jokes were so bad they gave me the sack,

Why I was even so bad the mime began to cheer"

She placed her hand to her mouth and giggled loudly,

"They don't know what they're missing,

Or maybe they're deaf"

The jester approached the tower and fell to his knees,

"My maiden so sweet and so pure, I wish I could help you,

but what could a poor old jester do,

A knight would kick the door down and carry you out,

Sweep you off your feet and take away your frown"

He then had an idea and jumped to his feet,

He began to climb the tower and quickly at that,

Up and up he went getting harder and harder,

Until he finally reached the top,

She reached out her hand and pulled him straight in,

"How will this help" she asked him outright,

"Now we're both stuck up here! No this isn't right"

"I know we cannot escape, and you're bound to this tower,

But the best thing I can offer is the company of a jester"

A few weeks had passed fleetingly so,

She had grown fond of the jester,

And his terrible jokes I may add,

Then one summer night as they looked upon the stars,

A light came from the forest,

And out did come and knight and his steed,

"Oh fair maiden, I have come to rescue you,

Wait just one moment let me kick down the door"

"Stop" she shouted, "I will hear no more,

I have fallen for this jester you make take your leave"

The knight laughed loudly and wiped the tears from his eyes,

"A jester my dear, this must be a joke?" 

"I'm afraid it is not after all I must say,

He is the jester, and the jokes are his to tell,

I'm afraid your love is no longer needed,

For I live for his humour everyday"

Reviews

[KeelyJane]

In the first four lines it reads as though I am the subject and after that the subject changes to third person.

Line 3 has "the" written twice.

I think you meant to write "I suspect many a woman" rather than "A suspect"
I would reword the entire sentence, "I suspect many women have fallen at your feet"

The line "up and up he went getting harder and harder" reads as if the Jester is getting harder and harder as opposed to the climbing of the tower.

"Now we are both stuck up here no this is right" I believe should be "isn't right"

Punctuation needs editing throughout the entire piece.

I have only highlighted a few mistakes that I noticed so I recommend reviewing the entire piece thoroughly.

Over all I think with some editing and fine tuning you could have a magical poem here. However, it reads more like a short story but either way it has potential.

:0) Thanks for sharing.

[Forgotten]

Thank you alot for this, I wrote this in the late hours of the night so I expected some mistakes, I wanted to get it down on paper before I forgot it all =D Thank you for your wonderful review

[DCT ponderings]

Brilliant. Best Fairytale I have ever read. I wish more young girls aspired to this!

[Forgotten]

Thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed this =D

[s y e]

This was a great write. It was quite light and up lifting. :) Different compared to the others I read. I loved the title. The first few lines had me hooked, a lovely write, well done.

[Forgotten]

Thank you I thought I'd try something different than my usual kinda thing

[Donald Meikle]

I'll join the crowd. I enjoyed it all and ignored all mistakes. and thanks for interpreting

[quinfinn]

it is no secret that a man who can make a woman laugh is halfway to earning the soft part of her heart...it is both a physical and an emotional release when we laugh. sound familiar? this is superbly thought out and very nicely penned. well done!

[Forgotten]

Thank you Quinn I have to agree with you alot =D I'm glad you enjoyed this even with the many mistakes I still haven't actually fixed :P

[quinfinn]

just a little tweaking and this will be perfect....

[Gerald Parker]

126 views? How do you do it? I've had over 30 poems published in UK poetry magazines but I only get 20 - 40 views!

[Forgotten]

I have no idea, I've had two published and self published a book but that's it. I honestly are as stumped as you really on that one. I'll have to check out your work :)

[Gerald Parker]

You won't be disappointed. Start with early submissions: Play Centre and Conference.

[Zahra]

A nicely narrated poem. Enjoyed reading. :-)

[Leslie Philibert]

Like the poem, you have a good feeling for words and will do well on radio. What I like here is the way you tell a story, with care and talent, this is a fine narrative poem in a classical poetic mode, fine job.

[Patricia B. Hepler]

I'm not one who offers constructive criticism regarding grammar, structure, etc. However, what I can offer is that I enjoyed the storyline~
~pat

[Pete Langley]

I like the irony of the piece, John-Paul, but the enjoyment is marred by so many grammar issues, plus a few sentencing problems. If you are going to write a narrative poem the diction has to be right, the same way as a story. Sorry I can`t be more positive. P.

[Forgotten]

No honestly thank you for your honesty, I haven't found time to really fix this right now but I've been meaning to, honesty is always the best way forwards, thank you

[SHEEMA HUQ]

where are we, in the 17th Century? Such a fascinating era and the images which you have created are sound, great story telling

[Forgotten]

Thank you for your wonderful review, I'm glad you enjoyed this :)

[SHEEMA HUQ]

It is my pleasure