Saviour

How alone can you feel in a crowd?
Everything was gone
love,
light,
happiness,
Fading back into darkness,
ceasing to exist once more,

Words,
all.......just words.
why does light exist just to push you back into the darkness,
to leave you alone,
broken,
destroyed,
ceasing to exist once more,

I was wrong,
An eternal light hides in the darkness,
I can see it,
or has it seen me?
It comes closer,
It takes me in it's warm embrace,

Protection,
Pure,
I have found my saviour
love,
light,
happiness,
are hearts are bonded once more,

Author's Note

I have to admit this was a terrible poem, but can you give me ideas on how to make it better?

Reviews

[Cree Nations]

This is a good write, and a good read. If it is your thoughts, emotions, and feelings my suggestion is to NOT change a thing. Afterall our poetry is to be our personal perception.

[Andrea Vargas]

It is not terrible but i suggest that when you say 'everything was gone, love, light happiness... You describe what kind of love and so on.. I think if you added more details it would be more enticing to the reader.. It is very nice though not terrible..

[fernii]

I actually love this poem, i think its got depth and meaning and i can relate to it so yeah its great :)

[Jazique]

It wasn’t a terrible poem but, it wasn’t your best. It dose get the privilege of though of saying it was good though as the words entwine to making that one bond. Well done

[Coyote Poetry]

Need some help in the middle. I like the beginning and the positive ending. Description of lost and battle could strengthen the story in this poem. To find peace in a life is a good thing. Most of us must fall down many times to learn to be kind and have faith. A very good poem.
Coyote

[shedevil]

its a good start i think you need to bring it up a level tho. think deeply about your nothingness whitout this person and freewrite every word sentence and phrase that comes to your mind. brilliance will come out of it

[absolutefolie]

This is not a terrible poem! Far from it. Nice work ;D