A Soldier's Wounded Soul

A wounded soul

Putrid smell of decaying human flesh fills my lungs

while their tortured grieving souls stand and watch

as bugs slowly eat away their rotting flesh

 

The bitter taste of dirt and dust become my diet

feeding my lanky livid body smeared with blood

for another round of extermination

 

I watch the wounded cry in agony

while they deteriorate before their own eyes

envious of the world they left behind

 

I tighten my teeth

as the blindfolded bullet penetrates my innocent skin missing my heart

instead wounding my soul

sometimes I wonder why?

Reviews

[Millionth Muse]

Wow, these are some gritty and raw descriptions. You've got the imagery down, as I can certainly say (good or bad) that I could picture what you were writing. My suggestion would be to watch your word use...in the first stanza you used "flesh" twice, and you also get a little wordy with the descriptions "while thier tortured, grieving souls..."--maybe just "tortured" or "grieving".

[Comatose]

This is absolutely amazing...well done :)

[SamBug]

Wow, there were some really good descriptions in this! It was like i was there!!!! Your imagery was so well developed and I loved it!!!!

[kayla garcia]

i love it you still on

[Jennifer L. Brooks]

Another awesome write! Great description and imagery. You've got a lot of talent. Keep it up!

[Emma Joy]

What an incredibly awful piece of writing .. and that is the greatest compliment I can give it .. it's horrific in tone and content .. petrifyingly so .. you've conjured up with just a few lines how and what a soldier sees, experiences and feels. The picture adds to it in an extraordinary way .. the reader almost knows what's going to present itself in words.

[Art]

even though war does not always bring death...it does leave the Soul damaged just like a War Vet...

extreme creativity in this work...

[Coyote Poetry]

I was a Soldier for 15 years. I seen some bad things. Your description is powerful. War leave scars on men and woman that won't heal. A excellent poem. Soldiers ask why also.
Coyote

[Frantzou]

Watch the movie called "Brothers"
After watching that movie this poem connects with it so damn well. I can see the poem through the eye of the main character. It feels like the poem is a shorter version of the movie. I was like wow!

[S. W. Scaggs]

Dear Writer,

Such a very vividly illustrated poem. The picture, the text, and the context are all in perfect harmony and create a perfect illustration of what it is that you convey to your reader. The illustrations and depth are perhaps this poems greatest talents as it really snares your attention from the get-go. It even reminds me somewhat of the Indians who did with valor worth commemorating. I saw that the line breaks were quite appropriate. There isn't anything in this poem left to critique that I could find because it feels like you've painted this canvas with your wonderful word usage.

Thanks for sharing this with me, and I wish that you will continue to grow as a writer. My poems don't always have a lot of room for critiquing others, so I'm sorry if it seems like I've written little to nothing. You did a very great job. Keep it up. 10/10.

A Friend and a Writer,
S. W. Scaggs