I breathe Helpless

This is my description of struggles with asthma, and other problems with my lungs. I feel pain deep within.

For many years I have dealt with this pain in my chest.

Many years overwhelmed by the lack of rest.

 

Years overwhelmed I slowly die.

Overwhelmed I’m living in this worldly lie.

 

I’m living and still searching for healing.

Living and searching for some new feeling.

 

And searching lost tired and confused.

Searching lost within all and I now feel used.

 

Lost within pain everyday I am.

Within pain I live for my name is San.

 

Pain I have to overcome one day.

I have to move forward, faith in God I pray.

 

Have to reach for life for every breath is a tease.

To reach a cure before one day, I am blown away with the breeze. 

-San 2010 (Oct)

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems, what do you think of the dialogue.

Reviews

[Bubo]

As a child I suffered terribly asthma, and it is crippling in every area of your life,you just want the pain and lack of breath to leave you, you feel half dead, no energy, and no zest for life.......you have caught that in your words perfectly, I spent so much time doing little to nothing, and it is one of the most crippling feelings.
I hope by now your situation has eased.

[Grace Lea]

This piece is something that identifies directly to your struggles, but yet could relate well to anyone's elses. Very well done

[Autumn Reign]

Wow. You're not alone. Incredible piece of work

[TL Boehm]

Forgive me but I'm 45 and have become "hormonal" over the past few years - palpitations, anxiety and other symptoms which torment me - migraines...and I was always healthy and low maintenance. Now I am a mess and I hate it.
I empathize with you - and even if I were still totally healthy - I would feel your pain in this piece.

[EmpressPoetess]

I have chronic bronchitis, so I', well aware of the fight to breathe. This is a wonderful poem, so well expressed with a fine flow.

[LonelySoul]

that which does not kill us will only make us stronger...Hang in there my friend

[Kaitlin W. Blaylock]

while it is heartfelt, and your style of rhyming in couplets, picking up the next set with a part of the set before is very clever, I would review the word choice to make it even stronger. This is good, but to make it great, improve your verbs and adjectives, especially in your last line. I feel that, revisited and revised, this could be much more powerful than it already is.

[Just Cat]

I like this.
Even though I know this is about asthma, in my opinion it could relate to other things too, like other hurt other than physical pain.
I like the simplicity, the emotion of it.
Nicely done :)

[BLACKCRUSH]

I also have sufferd from asthma since I was a child . When I look at this piece as a whole I see much more then Searching for a cure I see the will of just not giving up. I would have many sleepless nights unable to breath and sometimes wonder why can't they just find a cure it seems so simple.Many people don't understand what it's like not to be able to breath do to asthma or other illnesses, your write really brought up alot of painful memories for me but I think that's what a good writer can do. Thanky you for this . BC

[Liza]

we take our next breath for granted; not any more....