All engulfed in flames

All engulfed in flames

A Story by GDmonster
"

yea its a bit short but enjoy!

"

Even the greatest good can be blinded by the light.

 

The landscape covered in white. The brisk air chilling to the bones. Dressed in a red coat he dashed through the forest, trying to escape what couldn’t be seen. Whose eyes like its fangs could pierce through the heart in an instant. One of them quickly came up running beside him. It struck at the side of his face with its sharp claws. He tried to evade, but the claws dug into his skin. He continued to run when he then came upon a ledge. He turned around and with a snap of his fingers they were all set ablaze, but like rodents in a cellar more of them appeared out of nowhere. He turned towards the ledge and jumped. Suddenly a bird of everlasting youth swept him up. Standing on its back he raised his hand. A gigantic ball of flame began to form. He let down his hand like the way a judge would slam his mallet. The bird then let him down atop a different ledge.

 

He looked down at the forest in flames. "Its finally over," he said.... The expression on his face changed. What? He wasn’t looking at the forest anymore. Instead he was looking at a village. A village engulfed in flames. A tall man appeared suddenly behind him. You have done well kai. They will be much pleased. He was silent. What? Don’t you think so? He said with a smirk on his face. 

 

 Every one no matter how smart they think they are, can be fooled.

 

© 2012 GDmonster


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This could be done as a poem, if you don't intend to expand on the theme. I believe it would serve your purpose.

There are a few touch-ups needed; otherwise a wonderful piece filled with intrigue.

Perhaps 'slammed his hand down like a judge with a gavel' would add give it some punch.

How about; 'It's finally over', he gasped as he looked down at the flaming forest. Then his expression changed as he turned his gaze to the village.

If you just clear up who is saying what to whom in the last paragraph I believe you will have a great finish.

Okay enough from me.


Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

"Even the greatest good can be blinded by the light."
"Every one no matter how smart they think they are, can be fooled."
~*~
This is what happens when you get too cocky and go around throwing fireballs at everything. XD
Very well done, I like the wording and the message! ^^

Posted 5 Years Ago


Wow I really liked this, lots of action and I could see what was happening in my mind, You could turn this into a book if you wanted to, it would be real interesting to read ^_^

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

 GDmonster

6 Years Ago

Thanks!
Amazingly descriptive. It's easy to picture out what was happening in the story. It's vivid, detailed and intense up to its ending. I personally like how the theme "even the greatest good can be blinded by light." It's intriguing and very mysterious. I like how the protagonist here can set everything ablaze with a snap of his fingers just like Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist. And the ending was superb, leaving it to a point of excitement.

GOOD JOB!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

 GDmonster

6 Years Ago

Thanks!
Sooooo many possibilities, could be the intro to a novel... it was intriguing, but I guess even heroes can be blinded by their awesomeness. Well, or at least be fooled into destroying the innocent and the evil he thought he was facing---- only an illusion. Cliffhanger still tubular ;)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

 GDmonster

6 Years Ago

im thinking if i should continue or not, thanks!
Castonovia

6 Years Ago

You should, most definitely... oh, and if you do send me a read request. Also, no problem, lol ;p
That's so cool GD! Keep it up! ^_^
Were they wolves chasing him or something ealse?

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

 GDmonster

6 Years Ago

wolves!! what else?
♪Barklight♪

6 Years Ago

awsome! :P arctic foxes? XD
 GDmonster

6 Years Ago

you have a point thier :P
I would have liked to know more. Like where was he, what was really happening, and the reason of it. Other then that it was spectacular.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This could be done as a poem, if you don't intend to expand on the theme. I believe it would serve your purpose.

There are a few touch-ups needed; otherwise a wonderful piece filled with intrigue.

Perhaps 'slammed his hand down like a judge with a gavel' would add give it some punch.

How about; 'It's finally over', he gasped as he looked down at the flaming forest. Then his expression changed as he turned his gaze to the village.

If you just clear up who is saying what to whom in the last paragraph I believe you will have a great finish.

Okay enough from me.


Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A very short story. I wanted to know more. A lot of interesting situations. Ending was a wide open ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great description loved the lot of it can see it all in my head now 😉 keep up the great work

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

the first few lines gave me cold chills, there was so much deataill in them, but that deatail slowly started to fade as he reach the ledge, but ohterwise, good job

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

 GDmonster

6 Years Ago

yea i ussaly start out great but than i just loose the magic

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Added on June 26, 2012
Last Updated on September 23, 2012
Tags: fire flames

Author

 GDmonster
GDmonster

NC



About
The Rainbow Basin :245 by *emperpep on deviantART Hi! im GD, i write and do art. im a guy I'm add, so i loose track of time very easily I love anime and manga. I am becoming obsessed with k.. more..

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