NOTE LEFT ON A PLATE AT A BUFFET

    I like the way you eat.

             It says a lot about a man,

             your way with fork and knife.

    You're careful,

    cautious of what's hot,

             but with each bite

                      I watch you relish life.

             My God,

                      if you could see yourself

                               right now as I do.

    Did you know your eye brows

             dance each swallow?

                      Others munch and gnaw

                      like cow or pig at troth,

                      like zombies in a trance.

    You savor,

    pace yourself and

    wisely pick.

    You breathe.

    You drink,

             not greedy gulps,

    but sips.

             And when just now

                      that sauce I saw you lick,

                               I thought

             'If only I could only kiss those lips.'

    But now your face

             reveals dismay, surprise.

    Look up

             and see the hunger in my eyes.   
 

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

Hey, this is a fun read.
People-watching can be very instructive, and buffets are a good place at which to do it.
I'm not sure if the addressee is supposed to be reading the note at the time, or if the note isn't literal and is more the narrator's internal dialogue - but what a cool note to receive if it is...although I guess it could make the person self conscious or freak them out a bit.
You've done a good job with the rhyme scheme; it's fairly subtle and helps carry the flow.
How high did he pile his plate? Haha, the judging that goes on at buffets...
Overall, a well-written and intriguing poem.
Wonder if it worked out for them.

[Richard]

Wonderful write. I like to watch people as well. Many times body language will tell you more truths then the spoken word. You rhyme scheme is well done and smooth. Very creative idea as well. I especially like the ending because the eyes or doing opposite of what they are admiring. LOL So human. Well done fellow poet.

[KAOlmsted]

Oh my god how in love with this piece am I? I am so in love with this piece I want to roll around in it naked...I want to get it to do unspeakable things to me...over and over again...seriously well done. The only thing I might suggest is drop one of the "only"s in your desire to kiss those lips...other than that...I am in love with this piece.

-kimmer

[Holly Mason]

this is also great thank you for sharing

[Keve]

You paint a wonderful picture of a man eating in the company of his loving friend. I like the way you use space, not only in the content of the poem itself but also in the graphical nature of the cascading lines.

I'm new here. Be nice to get a once over. Any poem will do. It won't take long, I promise.

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

I wonder if the one you were watching would get nervous if he looked up..i would *winks..
i like how you have transformed something as routine as eating into poetry..an astute observation always makes a difference..a normal mechanical mundane movement can be the most magical moment being performed if piad adequate attention.

[Wicahpi]

Wow, this is great! I never imagined a "Note left on a plate at the buffet" but how intriguing!
Gives me new ideas, anyways!! WELL DONE!!