Unforgotten

Unforgotten

A Poem by G.W. Saitreux
"

desire can be fleeting

"
Like a robin in a tree,
Like a crow on top of snow,
Like a pigeon in the weeds,
Like a hummingbird will sing.

All I want is to be free,
All I want for you to show,
All I want, you not to plead,
All I want is you, hold my ring.

Searching for my way to be,
Searching for what to know,
Searching to fulfill my needs,
Searching, what does tomorrow bring?

I've seen you in my past,
I've seen you in the dark.

I've seen you in my dream,
I've seen you in the light.

Come see me.

- G.W. Saitreux

© 2018 G.W. Saitreux



Author's Note

G.W. Saitreux
This poem is about someone who holds a piece of my heart, hopefully you enjoy it!

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Featured Review

I enjoyed this very much. I liked the subtle rhyme scheme in the first three stanzas. I think the "Come see me" line is made more powerful by the preceding lines and gives an idea of the longing the speaker feels.
The only line I'm not crazy about is "All I want is you, hold my ring." For some reason, that line sticks out like a sore thumb in this piece and throws off the rhythm. I wish I had some advice or a suggestion for you, but I don't know what your feelings are on that line. It might be your favorite line in the poem, so I'll leave the possibility of revisions up to you.
All in all, this is a great poem in a collection of great poems. Nice job again!

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

G.W. Saitreux

1 Month Ago

Thanks for your thoughts, that line is my most conflicted line in the poem so I'm glad you sensed th.. read more



Reviews

I enjoyed this very much. I liked the subtle rhyme scheme in the first three stanzas. I think the "Come see me" line is made more powerful by the preceding lines and gives an idea of the longing the speaker feels.
The only line I'm not crazy about is "All I want is you, hold my ring." For some reason, that line sticks out like a sore thumb in this piece and throws off the rhythm. I wish I had some advice or a suggestion for you, but I don't know what your feelings are on that line. It might be your favorite line in the poem, so I'll leave the possibility of revisions up to you.
All in all, this is a great poem in a collection of great poems. Nice job again!

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

G.W. Saitreux

1 Month Ago

Thanks for your thoughts, that line is my most conflicted line in the poem so I'm glad you sensed th.. read more
I love this and the second to last stanza made me smile because it sums up the entire poem, while the last stanza portrays how important they are to you. Awesome piece.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

G.W. Saitreux

3 Months Ago

Thanks for the review, it certainly would be the case these two people are important to each other. .. read more
Perfectly captures the essence of desire! Love the use of contrasts between dark and light etc.. Shows how true love stays with us wherever we go and shows how we will never give up on finding it and claiming it. Beautiful!

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

G.W. Saitreux

3 Months Ago

Thanks for the review, I'm glad you enjoyed the poem
An artful reflection of desire. Bleak with those brief glimpses of your muse. Internally focused, a longing to be addressed, eventually leading to the ask:

"Come see me"

As Coyote said, a perfect ending. To make the switch from internal wishing and longing, to actualizing the feelings, reaching out, even if only with the mind.

Beautiful and soulful. Thank you for sharing!

Hailey

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

G.W. Saitreux

3 Months Ago

As always, thanks for the in-depth review Hailey. I always appreciate the thought you put into each .. read more
Beautiful words reflect a beautiful soul🌹

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

G.W. Saitreux

3 Months Ago

Thanks for your kind words(:
I do like this poem my friend.
"I've seen you in my dream,
I've seen you in the light.
Come see me."
The above words. A perfect ending. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote


Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

G.W. Saitreux

3 Months Ago

Thanks for the review! I really appreciate your kind review Coyote.
Beautiful poem
Freedom is life

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

G.W. Saitreux

3 Months Ago

Thanks for the review!
Freedom is life

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214 Views
7 Reviews
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Added on January 28, 2018
Last Updated on January 30, 2018
Tags: poem, direction, thought, knowledge, dreams, prose, back-and-forth, stream-of-conscious, time, places

Author

G.W. Saitreux
G.W. Saitreux

Gabriele Weiss-Saitreux



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