Addiction

Overflowing ashtrays and empty beer bottles,
One man's image was reflected over and over.
The mistaken impression of a child,
Whispered in his ear.
Lost in the thick smoke and dim lights.

It was the only link to normality he had.
He would promise that next time,
He would put the bottle down.
But knowing in his heart,
That the next time would be like the last.

With eyes shut,
Lost in his dreams.
He had a foolish image in his head,
Of a memory gained.
A lot can change in just a few years.

He rubs his thick veined hands and Prays.
Half out of life.
Such sweet sorrow.
Discarded like a toy wound down,
Broken and useless.

Short of sin,
Life is strangled with polite lies.
A dreadful eternity.
He's talking to himself most days.
An empty road going nowhere.

Reviews

[Draven]

The way this is written is perfect. You have it all so straight forward, so dark, and plain in a way that is interesting. There is really a lot to talk about here. I like so many of the lines. "Discarded like a toy wound down" is my personal favorite.

[Katie Alexander]

You tell a story with you words, and in a very interesting way. You don't try to romanticize anything; you're very point-blank and frank, but it doesn't feel like a normal paragraph in poetry format.

[lrebel]

Dreadful. As in the picture you paint of alcoholism and how dreadful the future is for anyone suffering actively in the die-ease. This is well done Gabrielle. This feels dark right from the start . I can picture the room, the setting, the ashtray and the empty bottles. I can feel the hopelessness, the "why bother" defeated despair. Nice verbiage that stirred an active imagination. Thanks for sharing

[MomzillaNC]

You're words paint a true picture of a lost soul.

[RubyOmma]

I like this a lot. I love the beginning with the thick smoke and dim lights. And the last two lines are awesome.

[Briana O'Connor]

Such a heart wrenching piece of where alcoholism takes someone. The pain of active addiction is one that I can relate. You expressed the emotions fluently and vividly. The flow and format made this easy to read and kept wanting to read till the very end. When I got to the end I wished there was more! Very well written. Thank you for sharing and please return the favor by reviewing one of my pieces.

[Rene Salinas]

One of the aspect that shines through for me in this writing is how the ability to decipher in between internal - subjective, me, my own world and external assesment in order to contribute something gets lost. I guess it might have something to do with the surrendering of will but also with what I was describing. The bridge that we cross on a dayli basis tends to evaporate. So with lines coming at me like, Lost in his dreams, Half out life , a dreadful eternity it makes for a grim picture. Especially when addiction's claim is that it is trying to avoid becoming a dead man walking in the first place.

Intense.

Thankyou

[JordanIsaacSmith]

Fantastic poem. Great flow and very interesting. Not too many ways to interpret it (an observation, not a critique). Great bit of writing overall.

[Ayan]

wow!!! The essence of erotica and intimacy camouflaged in the wrapper of beer bottles is just awesome.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

He rubs his thick veined hands and Prays.
Half out of life.
Such sweet sorrow.
Discarded like a toy wound down,
Broken and useless.
----
He rubs his thick veined hands and prays.
Half out of life.
Such sweet sorrow.
Discarded like a toy wound down,
Broken and useless.
---

seems you capitalized "Prays"... by accident there...as for the delivery of this verse...it gets you in the first stanzas...the ashtray and beer bottles...a typical seen of addiction --- as you paint the scene for us...and the rest just goes about his addiction and how he tries to cope --- but seems no no avail with the addiction in his life...