Unrequited

Of sparkled jewels
in parking lots
and hired fools
as cosmonauts.
Olympians
who don't practice,
umbrellas held
by dry cactus.
Never using
that perfect excuse,
a partner for
a tense recluse.
Rage against
devout buddhists
and clothing stores
for true nudists.

None of these
could ever outdo
the pointlessness
of loving you.
 

Reviews

[ranscan]

Oh, so wicked be the sassy walk of this poem. A lovely lithe dance that looks casual and free, yet is a tight, structured fall to grace.
This could easily of have been five excellent stanzas, or one long free verse (though that would be a shame seeing the structure present). The rhyme is strong, yet not forced, and remains a pillar upon which the ideas can be built.
This piece does scream out for some form of punctuation. Though the breaks in thought and for breath can be found, it could be dismissed as simply a run on sentence. And that would be a shame.
The imagery and twists of language find the reader, no hunting required, yet the nature of these fantastical beasts may not be easily decided, and that is a true magic.
The flow does not divert or tarry, it runs like the spring melt of high country snow, clean and true.

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you! You are too kind. You know, I always reread the piece before reading someone's review so that it's fresh in my mind, and I had the same exact thought! If I remember correctly I posted this very late at night and probably gave no thought to it (then and through the past rereads) until this time. Sometimes I just don't use punctuation simply because I don't want to, but as of late I have been trying to pay attention to it because it really can change the readers' experience. Thanks for the review and the great advice! I think I will do that right now 😉

[dan]

The way you cleverly build up to the end, when the unrequited love is pictured, is very skillfully done. "Umbrellas held by dry cactus," is such a strongly depicted oxymoron, a metaphor for love unrequited.
I like your style, Gaia. Well done! take care...dan

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you, thank you very much. *I hope you read that in an Elvis voice* You are too kind, please go on. ha ha. Okay, but really, thanks a bunch!

[Maddi]

Really great! I think the snappiness(that's probably not a word) really suited the style, the rhyming and the general gist of the poem.

[Gaia Octavia]

If pointlessness is a word then snapiness surely should be! Thank you very much ☺

[stargirl23]

I loved this! The examples you used were amazing.

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you very much! I appreciate it ☺

[iamshadowine]

amazingly composed and framed! loved it! keep writing :D

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you very much ☺

[James]

This was great, whoever it was meant for needs to read it. What a slap in the face.

[Gaia Octavia]

Haha thank you. It is kind of a collective F-you to many people from my past, but not in an angry way (if that makes any sense) ☺

[James]

I didn't take it as angry, just a big F-you. I loved it.

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you kindly

[LastMonth]

You know what?
I consider this a happy poem.
I really do.

Sure, there's some negetivity to it,
But to me the underlying messege is--
I don't care. I have you, and that is all I need.

[Gaia Octavia]

Thanks ☺ It's not something I'm currently going through but lord knows I have ☺

[Lorenzo]

ouch. I had to read this a second time to fully grasp it. I love the random analogies that you start with and yet in the end they gain so much depth.

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you a bunch! It's not my favorite thing I've written by any means but it's what came out ☺