Not Quite Gilligan

Yes, folks, this is me...

Fraudulent words dribble from my
mouth
Guilt basting my tongue
Lies of love build up in your ears
Blocking you from the world
I assure you I am fine
Standing on my naïve island
Flooded by my attempt at isolation
Marks of failure criss-cross
my legs
Screaming red with the
pretention of who I am pretending
to be

Reviews

[Balance]

Wow what a great poem! your creativity is amazing
"Standing on my naïve island
Flooded by my attempt at isolation"

This is no ordinary poem i normaly read in this website.

So its Gilligan from Gilligan's island? good choice!

I also like your nickname.

[Barbara Walker]

Absolutely a great poem! Love the way you expressed this. Some really great lines-"Screaming red with the pretension of who I am pretending to be". Love that!
Notice, it's spelled "pretension". Great write!

[Neville Pettitt]

Another little gem. All Good Things, N

[Persephone]

Wow...what a moving work of art you have created here - I love the 'fraudulent words dribble from my mouth" line - the metaphor and imagery is spectacular - u are very talented - wonderful read!

[Legolas]

Great poem. I am sorry for your pain. I love Gilligan haha. So funny.

[Sami Khalil]

The last lines are really nice.

[Shauna Jacqueline Ander..]

Overall it's not bad, I do feel that some part's are a little cliche and other bits don't leave enough to the imagination of the reader, but I do like the concept, and there is some great potential within this. Nice work.

[Newspaper Skeleton]

Which parts in particular do you not like?

[Shauna Jacqueline Anderson]

The only part that I really don't like is the 'criss cross marks of failure' I think the phrasing is cliche here...To be honest, other than that I don't think you should change anything. The topic needs to be blunt, which this is, it's just not hugely to my personal preference.

[Newspaper Skeleton]

I wasn't really sure how to portray that in another way that would fit what I needed.

[Shauna Jacqueline Anderson]

The portrayal isn't the issue, it's the phrasing.
But some pieces are better left untouched and I think this may be one of them =]

[Corset]

actually, I always adored Guilligan, always getting himself in trouble for all the right reasons, your writes are slaying me today...even your name Defying Gravity is rightous..love it and the poem..now I 'm going to go hurl myself off the edge of a psychotic breakdown.

[Laura Maidah]

No errors, but it's not perfect. I like the last three lines. Pretending works better on the bottom so the line break is after am. It poses who I am as an introspective question and pretending to be is the climactic last memory we can hold in the aftermath.

[Poet Sayings]

this poem is insightful and expressed with a sense of understanding that
delivers on the inner most level of thought, a vibrant artistic approach.

[Kathryn]

Wonderful, powerful lines. Loved reading this and the title is perfect.