Turned Away

Turned Away

A Poem by GamingGal

Here I am, oh loving Father
I come to You for guidance
Fall into Your open arms
Heart crying out for love
Soul crying out for safety

Your hold on me it tightens
And only too late do I realize
The judgment in Your eyes
Only too late do I peel back the guise
And realize
The Lamb has turned lion
Fangs drip of righteousness
Claws grip my skin
Attempting to rip through
To rip this sin out of my being

I fall to my knees
As You hold up The Book
The Book labeling all that I love
As unclean, as damning, as sin
The Book that condemns me
To an eternity without love
Simply because I dared to love
Your eyes pin me down
Righteous spirit washing over me
Inciting guilt and loathing
Burning fire surrounds me
Attempting to cleanse my soul
But all is in vain
For I see no wrong

The lion circles me
I plead and beg
Voice cracking and soul screaming
“Please just love me!
Please forgive me
You made me this way!
Why don't You love me?!
Why don't You love me?!
I loved You!
I love You!”
But it's too late
The lion lunges
And I am swallowed whole
Falling into eternal darkness
Eternal loneliness
Judged for my love
I dared to find happiness
I dared to step out of line
To turn my back on what I knew was right
I gave up my safety and security
I gave up my family
All for love, for what my heart called for
All for what felt right

Yet here I am
The Father has turned His back
Casting me into darkness
Averting His eyes from my sin
His daughter that gave into earthly ways
While still crying out to Him

My soul cries for You
Those songs in dedication
The fragile pages of Your Word
Those days of mission work for You
That feeling of being washed with You
Completely immersed in LOVE
To feel Your smile
To almost hear You say
“This is My child in whom I am pleased.”

Like a man dying of thirst
I seek You out
Holy Spirit for my soul
Bread and wine for the spirit
Sliding into those familiar church pews
Eyes closing as I drink in those songs
Those words
Those verses
Hands opening as I welcome You
But You merely ghost by
And I hear echoes of times gone by
Where You loved me
Where You welcomed me
Instead, I'm a stranger in Your House
Sentenced to eternal longing
For Your LOVE

© 2016 GamingGal

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Added on April 19, 2016
Last Updated on April 19, 2016



Atlanta, GA

Weeeeeelllll.... I'm your average girl living in the big city. I haven't wrote much lately, but if I do, I'll let you guys know :) more..

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