Sandcastles

Sandcastles

A Poem by A Poet Named Garit
"

I'm literally just doing this to do it, whatever comes to mind.

"

We used to walk for hours just to get to that boardwalk

And you never complained once.

You were always so excited to see those waves

so we'd walk day after day and play in the sand.

This lake isn't the same, not even similar

It's just a place to get my feet wet and kick over sandcastles,

just like we used to, when you were still here.

I miss that beach and the crash of the high tide

Smoking under the walkway- you, me, and the rest of the guys

We were like a family back then,

but that was way back when you were still here.
O! And now, your mom is upset with me,
"You've been calling too much."
I'm smoking too much, I need another cigarette- fifth deep

"She loved you more than anything," your father said.
I WISH IT WAS ME IN THAT HOSPITAL BED.

I tried- SO HARD, not to cry when I deleted "baabyy<3" from my phone
I just thought, after you died, that
you might still be sitting, waiting at home


© 2013 A Poet Named Garit



Author's Note

A Poet Named Garit
I kind of just wrote this on the spot. Show me the love!

My Review

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Featured Review

For writing this on the spot you did a pretty damn good job. The last line really hit me a lot. You hear about death in the media all the time, with war and murders, but when its your family it all changes. You don't how hard death is until its in your family. That face that you just expect to have around you'll never see again. Good job capturing that feeling the the relationship to past and present feelings of the lake. I love it

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A Poet Named Garit

4 Years Ago

thank you very much :]



Reviews

I swear I almost started crying. I can't stop reading it, it's absolutely amazing. For writing on the spot you did spectacular. I love this piece. The fact it's all based on a memory at the start is intriguing and eye-catching. You carefully displayed emotion of not only the narrator but everyone else involved. The last two lines are simply moving and should I say a creative way to end the story. Absolutely amazing!

Posted 2 Years Ago


I'd love to see this in a prose poem form. Also, I love peanut butter as well, creamy, not crunchy.

Posted 4 Years Ago


A Poet Named Garit

4 Years Ago

I know nothing about literature, I just put words on paper :p what is a prose poem? and yes! creamy .. read more
eglantine

4 Years Ago

Here is an example of a prose poem: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/180106
Come ere whilst I stroke your ego. its good, really good. Very beautiful, emotional and done in a way that isn't awkward or cliché. I feel like a practically walking along next to you on the beach. Well done

Posted 4 Years Ago


For writing this on the spot you did a pretty damn good job. The last line really hit me a lot. You hear about death in the media all the time, with war and murders, but when its your family it all changes. You don't how hard death is until its in your family. That face that you just expect to have around you'll never see again. Good job capturing that feeling the the relationship to past and present feelings of the lake. I love it

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A Poet Named Garit

4 Years Ago

thank you very much :]
Wow, for something that was written just for the sake of it,this was amazing! (: It was written amazingly well! I think you done a great job on this and really captured the emotions.

~ Noodle.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Wow this is very sad, and I agree that it is pretty good for something written right on the spot. You can imaging everything that is going on behind the words that isn't explicitly said which makes it a good read for the reader.

Posted 4 Years Ago


For something written on the spot, it sure does pack a punch as you see the events that are implied slowly start to unravel. Nice work.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Oh this is quite sad :( and quite good for something just written on the spot - well done!

Posted 4 Years Ago


Very sad, but it was nice written. Your poem is full of hope. Good one.

Posted 4 Years Ago


sad story dude. I like the last two lines the best! again with the nice flow.

Posted 4 Years Ago



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10 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on June 6, 2013
Last Updated on June 27, 2013
Tags: sad, beach, sandcastles, sand, waves, boardwalk, baby, cigarette, smoking, calling, home, depressing, upsetting