Lost In Graces

Lost In Graces

A Poem by Gary McDonald

Scatter me across the sky,

Piece by piece to wander near.

But not for thy sainted eye,

No longer may thou rest here.

 

Two streets baptised in hell fire

Met upon this that doth insist,

To tear apart anguished desire,

For nothing more my soul hath missed.

 

Bleed me, anger and fail none

With that much stronger bind,

To sacrifice this internal sun

And in its haste ne’er find.

 

Lost in graces since impaired

By all within of broad protest,

None once met hath e'en compared,

For all shall burn when in contest.


© 2010 Gary McDonald



Author's Note

Gary McDonald
Got bored whilst watching some old show. Please, point out mistakes or suggestions.

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Featured Review

Dear Writer,

Pointed to you by a friend named Tate Morgan, I am both happy and humbled to see that there is people better than me. I love your use of old English and your consistency throughout the message. In relative to inspiration to a poem, I often find myself writing when there is nothing else to do. I had to pull out a dictionary to look up a quarter of the words used just to clarify definitions (so I had to break apart your poem to get a more concise meaning.) As I do have a passion for this, I also do have a passion for short poetry and prose.

Time, Patience, and Practice are the mentors for a writers who are both novice and writers (like you) who have surpassed the mentor-ship of teachers. I sense though you did great here, you've have a level you're nearing to, that you need to tap into. As a writer, my goal isn't to be famous. It's not to make myself happy or others happy. It's simply what keeps me pushing from A to B. Though I never was taught how to write poetry, I am truly humbled by your poem. I need to get to work so I can be a better writer! Thanks for the inspiration! I rate you at a 9.5/10, because you can improve, aside from the fact that you are a talented writer now. :P

S. W. Scaggs

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is a profound masterpiece! The use of old English was the perfect choice for this one as it causes the reader to slow down and take a closer look and also leaves it open to interpretation. I love it!

Posted 7 Years Ago


This piece Gary overflows with imagery and emotions enshrined in contrasts. The use of contrast here adds a unique and interesting dimension to this piece, very well executed together, beautifully done!

blessings
Vincent

Posted 7 Years Ago


For someone bored your thoughts really came alive when you began to create this lovely and traditional poem. As other reviewers have suggested you've used past masters as your teachers and yet, have created your own special place.

' For nothing more my soul hath missed.' .. .. that phrase is beautiful.

Posted 7 Years Ago


I also am a new writer, I enjoy poems though that make you think. Thanks for the great read! :)


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

its an intense write... trying hard to reach your level really but i m just a kiddo n an amateur writer... But i enjoyed reading it surely...
i agree with Jeannie i too loved the opening lines:
Scatter me across the sky,
Piece by piece to wander near.
Great use of old English... havent seen other writers use it so well!!!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dear Writer,

Pointed to you by a friend named Tate Morgan, I am both happy and humbled to see that there is people better than me. I love your use of old English and your consistency throughout the message. In relative to inspiration to a poem, I often find myself writing when there is nothing else to do. I had to pull out a dictionary to look up a quarter of the words used just to clarify definitions (so I had to break apart your poem to get a more concise meaning.) As I do have a passion for this, I also do have a passion for short poetry and prose.

Time, Patience, and Practice are the mentors for a writers who are both novice and writers (like you) who have surpassed the mentor-ship of teachers. I sense though you did great here, you've have a level you're nearing to, that you need to tap into. As a writer, my goal isn't to be famous. It's not to make myself happy or others happy. It's simply what keeps me pushing from A to B. Though I never was taught how to write poetry, I am truly humbled by your poem. I need to get to work so I can be a better writer! Thanks for the inspiration! I rate you at a 9.5/10, because you can improve, aside from the fact that you are a talented writer now. :P

S. W. Scaggs

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

GOD this is classically beautiful the best thing I have read on writerscafe
Excellent!!!!
Your friend Tate

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I remember the first time I read anything by you, I was impressed ( and intimidated ) by the older style you use/have. Quite frankly I wish I could use thee and and thy correctly but I have yet to figure it out! Craig here, is exactly correct. I'm not so sure I can top that!
My favorite lines were the first two :)
"Scatter me across the sky,
Piece by piece to wander near."
I've always loved the idea of spreading, or breaking oneself because of another, or sending yourself somewhere else (not so sure that makes sense...)So the piece started off really well for me! You held the rhyme scheme nicely ( I especially liked sun and none, I would have never rhymed those consciously) Mostly this is something that the reader won't be able to pin point, because it must be rather personal from the writer -- or that's what it feels like to me. It's this emotion I can almost touch because most likely I know it... I just can't quite reach it...
well done :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Man. This poem is full of cutting emotion. The scenes are hella intense.
You really captured some crippling emotions here. nice job.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Yeah, that is much better in the last stanza. Good editing. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 22, 2010
Last Updated on March 24, 2010
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Author

Gary McDonald
Gary McDonald

Crawley, West-Sussex, United Kingdom



About
Do not love for the love of another, nor seek the sights already sought, live for the lives of the many, and your days will in time be taught. Gary I'll be swinging in from time to time, but.. more..

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