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For Nixie's Competition

And so I finally find peace,
solace in blue sea, sky, the white wisp of cloud,
salty breeze in the air, a crackle of pebbles
as I walk to the waters edge
where seaweed slides under the surface.
A foot splashes before being joined by the other,
cold skin shivers, goose pimples.
I look straight ahead, there, on the horizon,
where she waves is where I will go.
My body launches into flotsam and jetsam,
effluent and little fishes, feeling free floating
in the ocean. I close my eyes,
I know there will be no cries, only silence.
Final breath bubbles are swept away,
lost in the foam of immersing spray,
surrendering to the seabed, where crabs
crawl and barnacles slowly bite onto bones.
True friends forever hidden in the depths
And so I finally find peace.

Reviews

[Elena Rojas]

I really like the syllable pattern you put in the poem, and the way you described the ocean. I myself have never seen the ocean, so I have not an idea how it feels to be on the ocean. But alas, I can relate to the fact that I find peace in nature, and in what is around me. Keep up the good work! I can't wait to hear more from you! ;-)

[WordKnurd]

This poem begins a little slowly, but damn does it get better with each line! The lines "blue sea, sky" and "salty breeze in the air" too me seem a little bit like a description of the beach I have heard before. You may consider revising just to add some originality there. From then on, this poem is incredible. It is such a contradiction. I have never before felt so calm and peaceful upon hearing about someone walking into the sea to their death, but I suppose that is the point. The last few lines I find to be reminiscent of The Tempest ("full fathom five, thy father lies.") I'm not sure if that was intentional, but if it was, keep up the good work. Please review one of mine if you get the chance :)

[BCsomay]

I adore the book-ending of this poem, the repetition of "and so I finally find peace." You also have lovely alliteration going on in this piece. The image "barnacles slowly bite onto bones" is beautiful. You've touched upon the mythic here and also on shipwrecks. There are so many ways this piece can be interpreted. Wonderful!

You seem so attentive to detail; you may want to consider revising the "blue sea, sky," which seems to fall flat in comparison to the masterfully captured "a crackle of pebbles." Just a friendly suggestion!

[gentlekindness]

Sad and intimately human. Beautifully written and touching. The darkness can bring beautiful poetry.
Blessings,
Annie🌹💕💃

[mjsalyers]

Splendid job. So many times I have wanted to become a part of that undersea world myself either swimming or dreaming beneath it forever. Your word invoke a great and many sensations and thoughts. I love this piece too. You are talented.

[Penelope Voljeti]

I really love that last line. It was a perfect ending to the piece. Lovely job!

[Philip Muls]

Going home and finding peace. You can feel the sea breeze, the coldness of the water. Very sad though. Makes you wonder why he has to go to his 'true friends'.

Well done.

[Peach]

It's a really sincere poem. It reminds me of my childhood memories.

[Destiny Dreamer]

Your Poem made me feel so FRESH and CALM. Amazing Piece :)) Love it!

[Jenny Kort]

That is very beautiful i liked it

[Angad Waraich]

''in the ocean. I close my eyes,
I know there will be no cries, only silence.
Final breath bubbles are swept away'"
Beautiful and it is calming in an odd manner.
A fine read.
Beautiful work.
Thank you for sharing.