The Grand Day Out

It’s hot, very hot

Though the bustle is dying

And the day is subsiding

The bus waits in a siding.

There are twelve, maybe thirty,

They’ve been holiday-shopping

While now and then stopping

And flip-flop-flopping through the town

On their grand day out.

 

But not a single one dirty

A few say they are thirsty -

There’s some orange juice under the seat.

They’ve been spending their money

Here and there, it seems funny

There’s some smudges of dust

On a shirt or a skirt, they can afford a little dirt

On the money they’ve earned

The dust’s just a brief souvenir.

 

They’ve never been here before

Never seen it before

It’s a new place, an adventure

Something different, an excitement

They chatted and joked

And they sang on the bus

They saw pretty views, they saw towns, they saw cities

They saw wonderful places

They were eager, excited

They just wanted to stop

Couldn’t wait to get off and explore.

 

They never strayed very far

Stayed in groups of three or four

Stayed close, not apart

All friends within families

Back home, within walls

Within houses, within grasp

Back home, whence they came on the bus.

 

And that’s where they head now

At the end of their tour

To the bus, ‘twas a grand day out

They’re excited and eager

They’re going back home

That was that

Let’s get back on the bus.

　

　

　

Nearby sits a car

A young man sitting in it

Sees his face in the mirror

He sees youth, yet bestubbled

In his mind he is haggard

And today and tomorrow

he’s old.

 

He sits alone and is tired

But is lately inspired

By grief, and his soul

Like his eyes

Like two holes

Hanging and drawn

Like his pain, like his heart

They are heavy, apart

From his home, which he left

Like the bus, on its grand day out.

 

He visited the pier

Saw the shops, costs too dear

Looked for work

Thought of home

So terribly alone

Doesn’t know where to go

Doesn’t know what to do

Can’t go back, not to that

Can’t go on, not like this

Cannot stay, no, not here

I’ll just sit

I’ll just wait

Like my soul

Like my fate

As it tears me apart

Watch the people depart

Go back home, I won’t cry

I won’t make a fuss

See them home

See them back on the bus.

　

　

　

Reviews

[Crowley]

This was amazing in scope and even better in the way it was written. the rhythym was almost like a childrens story with an adult theme. When I go to mexico I feel a few things, elation at the beauty, guilt at the poverty, pride in the fact that they need my money, guilt again at what I have, more guilt because while beautiful and my favorite place on earth, not sure I could live there because I have become so spoiled. Some of those folks are suffering now because of the lack of tourism created from first the H1N1 and now the drug cartel activity, especially in the border towns. The once bustling tourist trade has dropped off and now there are no jobs and no money. the immigration bill is stopping them from crossing the border. What a mess. Sorry a little tangent but this work makes me think as does all of your work. You have a very clever and aesthetically pleasing style that puts ideas in my head about the nuances of real life. Great job my friend.

[mope]

Great use of subtle changes to the rhythm to control the mood and draw a contrast. And you leave it hanging on a precipice.

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

Your style is very unique. I like how you set up this poem, however, I think most readers would be intimidated by such a long poem. Maybe when you write something this long you can play with prose poetry?

[Truly Ross-Wisehart]

It strikes me how those who bustle along, carefree, do not notice the solitary soul in need...yet the one in need notices all of them. And he, so alone and in need, would rather be so than go back 'to that'. Profound sadness in these words. I see the whole scene, not through the eyes of the tourists but through the eyes of the haggard, young man.

Another incredibly deep, meaningful write.

~True

[MissWordSmith]

i love this! starts off so calm and care-free and ends so profound. there is a very observant, while being part of the crowd still standing out, kinda feeling in the poem which i think is really nice. again, unique rhyming scheme that worked very well.

[Yellow]

This is a very beautiful poem, though i found it hard to understand in some parts, but the basic concept, it very intriguing. I especially love the last stanza, it is revealing the persons emotions, and i can somewhat relate to him, looking at himself, and not knowing what to do, or where to go, because there isn't any place to just call home. I love it!!
Oh, and Thanks for submitting in my contest.
-Yellow

[A.Lee]

Wow, I like this one! I love how the poem has a hustle-bustle feel to it... It links with the title. You're excited for a grand day out and the day is just so busy and just going by... I love the rhyme scheme in this as well. Nicely done!