A Walk On The Wired Side

For life seems a needle

that twitches violent on a graph

of rolling paper within a machine

above, below and in-between

but never but once

along the line.

 

Like a heart beats rapid

jumping and flying

in blood-throes, red-river flows

unfathomable, unruly,

and bearing off the soul and pounding

hard upon a room-less door.

 

And opening-in unto a fall

it plummets on a high to a low-

down-splash! a walled-street-crash!

then needle scratches rubber wheel

without a margin, writing

tall storeys, black-on-black.

 

Then -nowhere left to fling itself-

a sudden-dreamed electric jerk

up-takes slack and jacks it back

from sickness, chucking-upwards,

vaulting squares and scaling

snakes, whilst runging ladders.

 

And life's again the needle

A scratchy nib that rips the paper

broad-casts rhythms, like exorcisms

of the heart and soul that beats the flat-line

never still and ever from it

and never ever along it.

Reviews

[Ishan Sadwelkar]

Mentally questioning and intriguing.
The poem as a whole was portrayed, subconsciously,
in different phases.
The figures of speech are interesting here, there are many sentences where
there could be multiple observations made-

"For life seems a needle
that twitches violent on a graph
of rolling paper within a machine
above, below and in-between
but never but once
along the line."

As a whole it may seem paradox-ial, but actually it maybe classified metaphorical.
Ironies are used well throughout, undue comparisons with movements (scratching, needling) give a sense of personification as well as onomatopoeia
Plus for poetic points, alliterations are used well.

And life is the needle, off course, cutting always and furiously.
This poem is vivid. It's not dark or scary, it's true.
Hence;
Maybe a bit disturbing to sparrows and pigeons, but not for hawks like us.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

i love this write! it feels made for spoken word.. i found myself reading it aloud as it went on.. with the rhythm and the pacing, it creates a perfect performance piece.

and you know how i am with music.. so the correlation between the two, the vinyl with the heartbeat of life, it is particularly apt.. your choice of words is just gorgeous..

[Fran Marie]

I quite agree with the others This is really an awesome and well crafted piece of writing~love the use of metaphors within; life indeed is a rough and rocky road ~if only we could stay on a smooth course and find the right groove, 'alas this is not so~ C'est la vie

my favorite part>>

Then -nowhere left to fling itself-

a sudden-dreamed electric jerk

up-takes slack and jacks it back

from sickness, chucking-upwards,

vaulting squares and scaling

snakes, whilst runging ladders.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This is the poem that beat moi? How terrible..........................
ely wonderful..( being the local nut here)... I missed this one of yours..
It reads quickly rather like a heart beat..has a great many metaphors..
and as one says, true to life.. very nice writing it is ..
Good stuff!

Chloe

[A.Lee]

I loved the flow of this poem. The rhythm was absolutely perfect. It reflected the subject very well, actually. It really gives you something to contemplate.

[Sara]

hmmm, interesting, a bit more abstract than the other poems i've read of yours... i have to say this piece demonstrates why i like poetry so much: you can seize a single thought/feeling/image and wrestle with it in this succinct way (fiction is just *too much* sometimes, so much excess information that nobody gives a crap about in the end). i like the violence of this poem, the darkness here, and i like the detail you put into it, the way you almost minutely describe each jump and fall of the needle, while still managing to use such animated, over-blown language ("plummets", "walled-street crash!", "chucking upwards", etc)... and, as ishan said, a very true metaphor, very real in that life is never all sunshine and rainbows (as much as i would like it to be :P). a different, engaging piece, good job. :)

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

I'm not sure how to convey what I want to about this piece. It's very impressive. I think you may be able to make the metaphor a little stronger if you contrast how this needle works in similarity to life a little bit more. Maybe be a little more specific. You do this already, but maybe one or two more examples would strengthen the piece. It's very good :)

[Truly Ross-Wisehart]

This poem, to me, reads like a frantic dream. Again, the subconscious mind trying to pull together a fluid thought. My heart beats faster as I read, as I frequently have dreams such as this. I liked this very much. In dreams, nothing is as it seems. My favorite lines...

"...like exorcisms of the heart and soul
that beats the flat-line
never still and ever from it
and never ever along it."

Excellent!

~True

[ashley]

This is fantastic! Definitely different, but I really like it. Great job! :D

[MissWordSmith]

not sure what to say here