Oceans

Oceans

A Poem by Alicia
"

I dont knoww.

"

The ocean waves crash upon the undying shore,
bringing a cool relief atop the sandy beach.
The breeze gathers and eliminates the smell of burning leaves,
and chills the tops of the trees.
The landmass, now free of all spirits beneath its beauty,
awaits its oncoming storm
to wash away all the remaining impurities.
Retrospection for the eyes that have encountered this before,
however, shall always remain.


© 2010 Alicia



Author's Note

Alicia
Bad storyline. Decent usage of words. Posted for opinions, errors, etc.

My Review

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Reviews

The imagery is great and it flows well but perhaps you could break up the lines a little, like this:

The ocean waves crash upon the undying shore,
bringing a cool relief atop the sandy beach.
The breeze gathers and eliminates the smell of burning leaves,
and chills the tops of the trees.
The landmass, now free of all spirits beneath its beauty,
awaits its oncoming storm
to wash away all the remaining impurities.
Retrospection for the eyes that have encountered this before,
however, shall always remain.

And also you should add more to it, because to me the last line seems like an incomplete thought and it's a beautiful piece so adding to it will only make it better but this is just my opinion of course. Great write, keep it up! :)



Posted 8 Years Ago


I like it it is great.

Posted 8 Years Ago


I like it! It paints a portrait of the thing that seem to be forever coming and going and yet always remaining constant.

Great write. Keep it up!
StacieJ

Posted 8 Years Ago



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394 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on March 28, 2010
Last Updated on April 1, 2010
Tags: Ocean, Breeze, Trees, Nature, Memories, Reflection

Author

Alicia
Alicia

Hinesville, GA



About
5'5 Asian; Korean. Love music-Metal,Techno. Myy names Alicia Christiann. Im only 14, so my writing may me amateur-ish. But I believe age doesnt determine whether or not how good your writing is[: I.. more..

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