A WALK UNDER THE STARS

From a boy's point of view, he struggles with his weird painful love for his best friend. ~Another product of my psychological torture. I hope you'll understand me after reading this. Hehe :)

“Hold my hand, lock my fingers with yours, and let’s go for a walk under the stars…”

 

          The cloudless evening sky is filled with dazzling stars " blinking, and very wonderful to look at. I glance at Dew beside me; I can see through her brown eyes the perfect view of the sky just like a mirror reflecting whatever it sees. She loves the starry, evening sky so much, that up until now, there is still that sweet amazement of the stars and other heavenly bodies within her.

          My hand makes its way to hers, and when I feel her warmth, she stares at me and says, “Jon, I want you to hold my hand, lock my fingers with yours, and let’s go for a walk under the stars…”

My heart then beats faster than it had ever beaten, that I am speechless. It’s bizarre, when the moment my fingers lock with hers comes and I start to hate the idea of letting go, ever.

          We then start to walk towards an unseen path ahead, the starry sky and the moon as the witness of this wonderful moment as if we’re the only persons who exist. Of course, we’re alone.

          What catches our attention is the shooting star that passes on a streak of light across the sky. I then feel that her hand lets go of mine, and she clasps both of his hands before her chest.

          “May this moment live in forever, in our minds, and in our hearts.” I hear her whisper in the wind, and I see a tear falling from her eye. I wonder why.

          “What’s wrong, Dew?” I ask in a soft tone.

          “Do you really love me?” She asks. And I wonder why. “Well, I do. You know, right?” I say.

          “Then prove it.” She says and another tear fell from her eye. “Prove it right now.”

          I don’t know what to do, so I was silenced, and once again, I felt my extraordinary heartbeat. And one thing comes to my mind. The sweetest thing she has always dreamt of…

          I gently hold and wipe the tears off her face with both my hands, close her eyelids using my thumbs, and also close mine. I put my face near hers, and slowly, carefully, I felt her breathe, I felt her nose against mine, and my lips will find hers in no time…

 

SOMEONE SPECIAL

 

          My name is Jonathan Blister, call me Jon for short. Look, reader. If you think this is just a waste of your time then stop reading from this point, okay?

          Let me start this walk my way, under my very own perspective, okay?

          Let me describe myself to you for a good start. I have blue eyes and golden blonde hair, and I am blessed in terms of height, not cursed.

          Well, there is that best friend of mine " well, we have been best friends since first year, until now that we’re almost graduating from high school. And her name is Dewtrey Mische. She has dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. She has pale skin. She is just as high as normal girls of her age, sixteen. Let me tell you that I’m nine months older than her, anyway.

          We started as normal friends in elementary, and we’re even like strangers that time " just talking whenever needed and just have good conversations whenever there is a coincidence. And came our freshmen year, when we shared common interests and settled great differences between both of us. We then started to make memories upon that realization, be there for each other, and never leave each one’s side. And I didn’t know, I started to open my heart for her since that time.

          Right now, we have a really great problem. Well, I haven’t realized until third year high that I love her. Well, I thought I took her feelings for granted, because since elementary, her older sister, Sabrina would always tease us " how much Dew likes me and finds me attractive. Well, I used to ignore and laugh with that because I really thought it was just a joke.

          Here’s the thing, I didn’t know why I was being overprotective towards her since last year. I don’t want her to be engaged with naughty boys and strangers, until comes a time that she told me she had a crush on our classmate, Rico who looks nerdy yet hunky and has a good sense of fashion.

          She chose to be with him always, and I really hated that idea so much. One time, when I’ve had too much from just watching them happy together, I just walked out, and stayed in my room for the rest of the day and thought about her, which made me realize it like a slap on my face.

          I was already in love with her.

          Days passed and I kept on observing how things were going on between us, and confirmed my realization when I cried one time because of too much jealousy and feeling of being left-out. But on the process, it was hard trying to communicate with her, especially that time I just realized what she really meant to me. Most of the time, I was avoiding her " I couldn’t bear eye-contact with her, I couldn’t talk to her the same way openly before, my communication towards her became negatively affected. And with that, she kept on pursuing Rico, maybe she felt the difference. I thought to myself, the old us is never coming back. We’ll never be the same as we were before.

          One time, when we were left in our classroom " well, I forgot how it happened that we were both left in the classroom, only the two of us.

          “Is something wrong between us?” She asked me. “It seems like you are avoiding me lately. I can feel it, you know.”

          Well, I was speechless upon hearing that. And my heartbeat went wild. Like s**t, it hits me somewhere. I felt heave in my chest and the moist in my eyes. “N " Nothing… This is nothing, Dew.”

          “You’re hiding something from me, aren’t you?” She asked. “Come on, Jon. Spit it out. I’m your best friend, you can tell me anything.”

          And hearing that term hits me… Best friend, I’m just her mere best friend.

          “Nevermind. Whatever this is, this will pass overtime anyway.” I just said.

          And she just responded, “okay,” which sounded sad.

          But feelings are feelings. I couldn’t stop myself. Despite my condition, I grabbed her and hugged her tight as ever which may have confused her. But still, I felt her arms hugging me back from behind. I hugged her long enough, until I felt tears falling from my eyes to her cloth that I had to let go.

          “I’m sorry.” I said, wiping the trail of my tears off, and I threw a glance at her eyes that spoke of confusion before I walked away.

          The next day came, and another, and then another, and that something wrong between us became obvious " as we stopped talking and we would keep distances from each other " that some of those who knew us started to ask me, “What’s wrong?” Well, I didn’t know if some asked her, too.

          What I do? Change topic in a passive way, and just let silence cover the exposed.

 

          One time, when we were on a bus towards somewhere, it happened that we became seatmates. She must’ve purposely done it. And on the midst of the trip, she started talking.

          “You know, something’s really wrong between us, Jon.” She said.

          “Nothing, I think.” I said quickly. “It just maybe happened that changes are in the way.”

          “Changes… Sometimes, you just have to go with them to avoid further trouble.” I continued, and I knew that there was an edge in my speech. I’m referring that I must just let her go, let her be happy with Rico rather than force myself in her company if what she needed is not me but another.

          She may have been hit by my point that she was silenced for a while. I was just holding back the tears from my eyes, and I leaned my head on the glass of the bus window. Judging from how I saw things in my peripheral vision, I could tell that she stared at me long enough that time, before speaking, which greatly shocked me, “You know, Jonathan? For me you are someone special " very special. I don’t know how worse my life could get if I completely lose you.”

          I closed my eyes, still trying to hold back tears, as I felt heave in my chest again, and I replied afterwards, “Thank you. Me, too.” I hope she gets what I meant.

          She then gave my hand a squeeze before leaving my side and transferring to another seat. I don’t know why, but my tears just fell on their own and I bit my lip.

          Someone special " very special… What a word. I wonder why hearing it broke my heart.

 

          Third year high ended with a great change. Because Dew and I never talked after that bus ride unless necessary and it seemed to be so formal whenever we happen to.

          We enter our last year high like how third year high ended, too. Just silence, ignorance and avoiding-techniques between each other. And those who used to ask me since third year had already stopped; maybe they thought that our friendship ended that time when we started our drift-away.

          But one Saturday afternoon, around October, she came across me carrying my grocery bags from the supermarket and me, being as ignorant as ever, it just ended up breaking both our hearts.

          “Hi, Jon.” She greeted me. I was pinned on the ground, terrified.

          Ignorant and seemingly heartless, I asked her. “Oh, what brings you here?”

          “You.” She said and I think she forced a smile. “I missed you, you know?”

          “Oh. I’m here. Maybe you won’t miss me much if you see me long enough.” I coldly answered. I saw her blink her eyes and look at other ways around, ruining her forced smile, and my weak heart gave in that view that my eyes flashed the look of worry and my love for her as if grew back instantaneously that I felt the heave in my chest of treating her coldly and I felt like crying.

          “Jon, don’t be like that…” she went on, and I think she forced her soft laughter. “Here, let me help you.”

          She took a grocery bag, but I quickly pulled it off her touch and her hand twitched upon my cold reaction. “No, I can handle this. Thank you, anyway.” I said with a smirk and I walked past her towards the taxi already waiting for me. I rode it, and it’s as if I’m not looking at her direction, but time to time I flash her glances, holding back my tears. My conscience slowly kills me.

          The taxi turned its engine on, and I looked at her through the tainted window.

          She was there, walking slowly and alone on the foot-walk, towards somewhere I didn’t know and didn’t even cared to know, head down on the ground.

          My tears finally fell just by looking at her.

          I’m sorry, Dew, but I’d rather be hurt this way than to feel the pain for the rest of my life because of being madly in love with you.

          When I reached home, I dropped the grocery bags on the doorstep; I went to my room and cried for the rest of the night. In the night, I couldn’t just stop thinking about Dew and what I did to her. I then made the decision, that I would tell her the next time we meet in school.

 

          Monday came and I was well-prepared to tell her everything, so that it would have at least a truthful and good ending.

          But I was wrong. I must’ve stopped all my preparations. It was all ruined by just one view of her and Rico on the corner of the room talking happily to each other. That laughter that used to bring warmth to my heart now brings pain to my heart instead, that face of great happiness that only I used to make her do.

          And what greatly breaks my heart is the view of her leaning on Rico’s shoulder when she found the chance. Plan sabotaged.

 

          In the afternoon, I had the chance to know Rico better as a person. Rico, that nerdy yet hunky guy in the classroom, which has that black hair and smart cat-grey eyes that he hides behind his weird nerdy glasses. He is currently working on our assignment in Physics.

          “Hey.” I poke him coldly.

          “Hey, Jonathan…” He pokes back with a smile. “Dew’s been quite lonely for a lot lately.”

          “Yeah, do you mind if she keeps with your company?” I ask, eyes in question.

          “Oh, no I don’t. In fact, I even like being with her. I enjoy being with her. Dew’s such a nice girl.” He says, and this time, hearing the syllable of her name seems to break my heart. Plus, the way Rico speaks is like he is serious with being friends with Dewtrey and there is a greater chance that he likes Dew too the way she does like him. And it breaks my heart.

          “Anyway, I observed that you were quiet distant from each other since last year. You used to be very close since first year.” He says. “Just what happened between you? What’s wrong?”

          “It just happened that changes occur.” I simply answer and my heart is pounding.

          “Too bad. She must be missing you so much lately.” He says. “Well, may I just tell you this, Jonathan… sometimes, when you miss a person too much, they become lost forever.”

          And I take that as a warning.

          “Yeah.” I say, and there is a while of silence as he is busy with the solving. “Do you mind if I ask you to take care of her while I’m still ‘gone’ anyway?”

          “What are you saying?” He says, his pen also stop in motion.

          And this is it. I feel the extraordinary beat of my heart starting.

          “I mean, is there a chance that you will love her the way someone out there does?”

          And he stops writing and stares at me. My heartbeat goes crazier for his answer.

“It’s not impossible, is it?” He asks, and I feel bad. S**t. I have lesser chances with Dew now.

          He then lets out a sly grin. “Anyway, why are you asking me these things, Jonathan? You are that someone out there, aren’t you? You love her, don’t you?”

          “I… I don’t know.” I answer.

          “You must know.” He says, stands up which means he’s done with the assignment, and walks out of the door. “See ya!” He salutes, and I just move my eyebrows up and down as an answer.

 

          Night comes, and I spend it here on the beach, under the starry sky and the moon above looking at me. I am thinking about me, Rico and Dew again.

          Is there a chance that you will love her the way someone out there does?

          It’s not impossible, is it?

          That conversation I have with Rico bothers me a lot. It gives me puzzles on my mind. It makes me think about how much I love Dew and how much I’ve already lost of her.

          I stare at the sky long enough, and when a shooting star catches my eye, I close my eyes and whisper to the wind; please give me a chance…

          “Hey, Jon.” Someone calls me, and that voice seems familiar!

          I open my eyes, and the first thing I see is the beautiful face of Dewtrey Mische.

          “It’s nice to see you here!” She says. “What a coincidence.”

          Then something felt heavy in my chest that I feel like crying and I immediately pull her and hug her just as tight yet as comforting as I could do.

          “Jon…” she gasps.

          “I’m sorry, Dew.” I say, still hugging her. “Please forgive me.”

          “For what? Whatever that is, it’s already forgiven and forgotten, Jon.” She says, and I feel my tears rushing from my eyes to hers. I tighten my hug, “I’m your best friend, I just can’t hate you, you know? I even love you even if you keep on ignoring me.”

          “I’m sorry, Dew. I’m sorry.” I say, crying. “I’m sorry for treating you coldheartedly and as if I don’t care about you. You don’t know how much you matter to me.”

          “Ssssssh…” She gently says and soothes my back, and when I just won’t stop crying, she pulls me off, and I still close my eyes, because I just don’t want her to see how bad I look like when I cry, and it’s surprising when she starts to kiss my forehead, then my nose, until she kisses my tears goodbye that I stopped. “Ssssssh…” she hushes again.

          “Don’t cry in front of me. Don’t break me, will you?” she says, and I fall silent. “You are someone special " very special to me. So your pain, is my pain, okay?”

          I nod, even if I don’t seem to quite get what she means.

          “Now, tell me what you want to express…” she says softly which gives me the hint that she’s almost crying as well. And it comes to me. It’s now or never.

          “I’m sorry, Dew. I’m sorry for being such a bad friend to you.” I say, and before pain would block my speech, I spit it out. “I’m sorry; I fell in love with you.”

          And she is shocked. I can see it through her brown eyes.

          “I " It’s okay. It’s not wrong, okay?” She says, trembling, then she takes my hand, locking my fingers with hers, and I feel her warmest at my palm. “Everything will be alright.”

          “Is something going to change?” I ask.

          “No. We’ll help each other through.” She says, and using her other hand, she wipes the tears off my face. “Don’t let that tears ruin your innate beauty, Jon.”

          I just tighten my grip at her hand in return, and I feel her holding on, as if she’d never let me go. My other hand took the wrist of her hand wiping my tears off, and then we stared right into each other’s eyes, looking at ourselves in one another, until I felt my crazy heartbeat that I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I hug her tight again and she hugs me back. Leaning on her shoulder, I watch the beautiful starry sky above. How bizarre…

 

          We regained our old relationship after that night, but there are still awkward moments, particularly when it comes to her and Rico.

          Anyway, every night we would see each other on that beach, we would hold hands, fingers lock each other, and go for a walk under the stars happily. On the way, while holding hands on a walk under the stars, it’s like we’re trapped in a different world even if I keep swaying our hands together to keep the upbeat of the mood. And always, it’s bizarre!

          I didn’t know love could be this sweet if just looked through the positive way. I also realized my mistake in our drift away, I let go of almost all opportunities I had to fix our relationship before. That’s why love seemed so bitter for me. Luckily, one last opportunity came along the way and led us to the wonderful side of love.

          But this is one-sided love. Only I do love her, and because we’re best friends, it is just like normal to hold hands the way we do, or maybe not? Either way, no one / nothing could define how much it matters to me. Probably, she is already in love with Rico, and she just hides it. I don’t know about her side, and I would like to know of that sooner.

 

          One time, on a starry Friday night in December…

          We are holding hands, fingers locked by another’s fingers, having a walk under the stars.

          “You know, this was just a dream before. I mean, I used to dream that in the future, my prince would be with me under a starry sky, hold my hand the way I wanted to, and we’d always go for a walk under the stars.” She says, and I just listen to her and hiding a lip smile. I keep looking ahead, not letting go of her hand. “Hey, are you even listening to me?!”

          “Yes, I’m sorry, I was just too busy thinking about that dream of yours getting real with me.” I say. “But I am not your prince, because I don’t know if you even love me.”

          “I said, you’re someone special…” Weird… and silence takes over.

          She blabbers again after a while, “Do you even know the sweetest part of my dream?”

          “What?”

          “That prince would kiss me after a walk under the stars, with the stars and the moon as the witness.” She continues.

          “Where’d he kiss you then?” I ask her in a soft voice.

          “Here,” and she points her lips using her index finger. And I am tempted by those pinkish-pale lips that I stared at it for a long while. And then I feel my crazy heartbeat again.

          “Mind if I make your dream come true now?” I say.

          “It was just a dream anyway "”

          And she didn’t finish her sentence, because I sealed her lips with mine. I’m sure, before our lips met; I saw her eyes close as well. But later I pull over.

          “How was that?” I ask.

          “Our lips… touched.” She gasps which sounds weird and offended.

          “Look, I’m sorry.” I explain. “I know it was a stolen one, but…”

          “No,” she says, “You shouldn’t have done that.”

          “Hey, Dew. I’m sorry.” I move closer to hold her shoulders gently. “I am someone special, anyway, right?”

          “Yeah, you are someone special.” She says. “But you still shouldn’t have done that.”

          Our linked hands lose the grip as she gently pulls over, and walks away.

          “Hey, Dew. I’m sorry!” I say, and I try to go after her, but she runs away faster that I lost track.

 

          Monday comes, and I tried to talk to her to school but she would just quickly end the conversation which feels awkward and keeps herself in Rico’s company. So I had to stay away again, because it hurts, again.

          There happens to be an on-the-spot role-playing in our English subject, and she and Rico are group mates together with four others, and I am in another group. They had a nice role-play, but it’s heartbreaking to see her hugging Rico. Part of the script, but just look at the way they hug, it’s like the way she hugs me tight. And the idea of her being in love with Rico flashes in my mind. I feel bad. What am I to you, really, Dew, a dummy to practice a hug with?

          Before she lets go, I see her open her eyes and glance at me, but I immediately walk at the back of the room to avoid further painful views.

 

          Night comes again, and I wait at the beach, but there are no signs of Dew anywhere. Dew and me becomes lesser than strangers the next day and Dew is not anywhere in the beach at night as well. Same old story for the succeeding days until a week before graduation comes " the week that her absences are more frequent. And it has been as hard as hell for me trying to build myself up again and again as just simple things that she does would tear me down to pieces again.

          One day, Rico tells me that Dew is “severely sick” and that it is my chance to reconcile with her, because it has been too long since we’ve lost our relationship, again.

          I thank him, and at night, I visit Dew in her house. She is alone when I arrived. And I don’t see any signs of severe sickness or even simple sickness as she is even the one who opened the door for me. She looks normal. Paleness, she has always been pale. Her brown eye color, she has always been brown-eyed. Her dark brown hair, she has always been a brunette.

          “Hey, Dew.” I speak when I set foot.

          “Oh, what brings you here?” She says in a gentle voice but it sounds mean. I remember myself saying the same line before, at the supermarket.

          “You.” I say, biting my lip. “Rico told me you were sick, I thought that’s why you were absent for the whole week.”

          “Is that all?” She asks again, but I see the pain in her eyes. Something’s wrong.

          “No.” I say, biting my lip again.

          “Then what?” She asks again. She really sounds mean and I already hate this!

          “I missed you… so much.” I say, and I can see the shock and pain through her eyes. “Anyway, I brought here some slices of cheese cake. I baked these especially for you.”

          “Oh, you should’ve not bothered yourself. Why anyway?”

          I answer, but this time, holding back tears. “Because you’re someone special " very special…” and I look down as a tear falls.

          “Get inside,” she says, and I go directly towards the kitchen. I placed the Tupperware containing the cheesecake in the refrigerator.

          “And if you have no more concerns, you can go home.” She coldly implies, and my tears fall again. Just what is happening? Is that how destructive my kiss was?

          It already gets to my nerves, and even though it hurts, I stand up and keep my gentlest voice as possible. “Are you sure we’re just going to end up this way? Graduation is coming; we may not be able to see each other again for maybe a long time! Aren’t we at least going to fix whatever faults we have made before? Or is the kiss really that destructive?”

          She is silenced for a while, and tears already fill my face, I didn’t notice.

          “You’re giving me a headache. Go home.” She says coldly, trying to make a still face.

          I stare at her through her eyes, and it happened that her eyes quickly shifted ways. “Any last words?” I ask; it’s as if I’m pleading for another chance.

          “T " Take care always.” She gasps, and seeing her face as still as how she kept it, I decide to go home. But before I go out the doorstep, I wipe my face clear, and I hear her call out to me.

“How about you? Any last words?”

          “You’re someone special " very special.” I say, and when I start to cry again, “and I love you.”

          Then I move outside, and when she slams the door shut, I run back and lean my back against the door to weep. I hear her sobs inside, and I silently weep outside, too. Later onwards, when I heard nothing left, I look at the window of her room and see her from the door going to and crying hardly on her bed, covering herself with a blanket all over. Seeing her like that makes me cry as well. Why is love this hard and weird?

          There really is something wrong.

          I sit on the staircase towards their main door, so I could guard her even just from outside, and I forgot about time that I drifted off to sleep.

 

          I wake up in the evening, and I look through her window to check on her, she is now out of the blanket, but still face-on on the pillow lying in a reversed manner. She’s asleep.

I twist the knob of their main door, and find that it wasn’t locked anyway. I go inside, and I headed to her room. I pick up the blanket and waved it in case there are dusts already, and then I coated it over from her feet to her neck.

          I stared for a little while at her angelic face while she’s still sleeping, and I move some of her bangs off her face, then plant her a gentle kiss on her forehead, next into the nose, and finally on both her eyes. And before I finally leave, I whisper on her ears, “I love you. I always will.”

          And then off I go.

 

 

          The Graduation ended well, with Dew around, but still, we’re not yet talking. It’s a great pain in the chest, especially when I see her and Rico hugging from a distance again. And again, I see her throwing me a glance when they hugged. Weird…

          After the ceremony, Rico told me to go to the beach at eight in the evening, and said that Dew has something very important to say. And of course, I am more than willing to come!

 

          Eight in the evening comes and I’m already here in the beach. Well, I simply clothed myself for a comfortable outfit.

          I see Dew from a distance coming towards me with a smile. A weak smile…

          “Dew!” I shout her name and run at her, and when I do, she hugs me first, so I had to hug her back. And I felt her warmth once again which I missed so much.

          “This night. I want us to forget about all the bad things that happened in the past, okay?”

          “Sure.” I say, and my tears just fall of joy.

 

The cloudless evening sky is filled with dazzling stars " blinking, and very wonderful to look at. I glance at Dew beside me; I can see through her brown eyes the perfect view of the sky just like a mirror reflecting whatever it sees. She loves the starry, evening sky so much, that up until now, there is still that sweet amazement of the stars and other heavenly bodies within her.

          My hand makes its way to hers, and when I feel her warmth, she stares at me and says, “Jon, I want you to hold my hand, lock my fingers with yours, and let’s go for a walk under the stars…”

My heart then beats faster than it had ever beaten, that I am speechless. It’s bizarre, when the moment my fingers lock with hers comes and I start to hate the idea of letting go, ever.

          We then start to walk towards an unseen path ahead, the starry sky and the moon as the witness of this wonderful moment as if we’re the only persons who exist. Of course, we’re alone.

          What catches our attention is the shooting star that passes on a streak of light across the sky. I then feel that her hand lets go of mine, and she clasps both of his hands before her chest.

          “May this moment live in forever, in our minds, and in our hearts.” I hear her whisper in the wind, and I see a tear falling from her eye. I wonder why.

          “What’s wrong, Dew?” I ask in a soft tone.

          “Do you really love me?” She asks. And I wonder why. “Well, I do. You know, right?” I say.

          “Then prove it.” She says and another tear fell from her eye. “Prove it right now.”

          I don’t know what to do, so I was silenced, and once again, I felt my extraordinary heartbeat. And one thing comes to my mind. The sweetest thing she has always dreamt of…

          I gently hold and wipe the tears off her face with both my hands, close her eyelids using my thumbs, and also close mine. I put my face near hers, and slowly, carefully, I felt her breathe, I felt her nose against mine, and my lips will find hers in no time…

          And it did. Our lips met, the starry sky and the moon as the witness, as she used to dream of.

          When we both pull over, she gasps, “It’s such a nice kiss. I’ll never forget this.”

And once again, we find ourselves lost in each other’s arms.

 

          It is then that midnight comes; we are just staring with sweet amazement at the starry sky, our hands locking one another, gently swaying. We are leaning at each other’s back, and it’s a long, long while of silence before she speaks…

          “Here’s the thing,” she says and hands a carefully folded paper to me. “Don’t open that now. Rather, open it tomorrow morning. Promise me, will you?”

          And I nod, even if I don’t understand. “I promise.”

          And we do that pinky promise by our pinky fingers with our free hands.

          After another hell of a while, I ask her. “Dew, do you love me?”

          “As I’ve said, you’re someone special " very special.” She replies.

          “No, seriously…” I say. She is just silent, so I insist, “silence means yes.”

          And she then stares right through my eyes blankly. So I take that as a negative response.

          “I guess I can’t help it…” I gasp.

          I feel a little heave on my chest, but it’s too soon to weep. Not again. But I am greatly bothered. If she doesn’t love me, then why’d she let our kiss happen? That’s something not normal.

          I look at my watch on my wrist, and it’s already eleven in the evening.

          “Umm, Dew. Isn’t this late already?” I ask.

          “Yeah. I already want to go home.” And before I could respond, “…yet I still want to spend more time with you tonight, to the max. But I have to go now.”

          I feel the pain in the edge of her voice. Something’s still not quite right. Still, it’s already near midnight. And we should not go home late.

          “Let’s go, anyway.” I say, and then we go for a walk under the stars, holding hands, locking tight. We are off towards her home; I must make sure she goes home safe before my sake.

          When we are on the staircase to the door, she still holds my hand, as if she is not going to let go yet, so I make a joke. “Aren’t you gonna let go or what?”

          Then she faces me, and it’s obvious that she’s holding back tears.

          “One more… one last hug, please?” She says, like she’s pleading. Last.

          And I don’t say a word. I nod. And that moment, she rushes onto me and locks me in her warmth around her arms. Giving in to my heart whose beat is crazy, I close my eyes and lean onto her shoulder and wrap my arms around her waist and back and then hug her back tighter.

We dance with the breeze, and I feel the moist through my clothes and I hear her weep and sob, but I just let her be. And it is the longest hug we’ve ever had. Or maybe it is just me who felt that way? How bizarre, it’s like time stopped at the moment.

          Imagine two lovers hugging one another tightly like it is their last under the stars.

          And when she lets go, she wipes the tears off her face and faces me.

          “So, I guess it’s time for me to go.” I say with a smile. “See ya!”

          And she responds weird, “Goodbye, Jonathan Blister.”

          I also respond weird. “I love you, Dewtrey Mische.”

          For a moment, we’re lost in each other’s eyes, silent, and the race of my heartbeat grows faster, that when it gets too much, I hold her face with both my hands, plant a kiss on her forehead, whisper “I love you,” plant another kiss on her nose and whisper another, “I love you,” and finally whisper, “I will always love you, forever and more…” before planting one last kiss on her lips for long. When we both pull over, I run all the way towards my house. On the way, tears just fall from my eyes. Tears of joy, maybe? Weird…

 

          Another day comes, and remembering everything that happened last night makes me smile.

When I rouse myself from bed, I tiptoe until I can see through my window, and see a giant black butterfly with white slashes on its wings. I immediately step back and feel the frantic race of my heartbeat. Then I feel the pain in my chest and in my head, yet I don’t know why. Something’s really wrong. They say black butterflies carry bad omens.

          Well, something seems to whisper on my ear to pay Dew a visit on her house.

          When I get there, still in my pajamas, it was then that everything seems so different. The wind blows in a somewhat wrong manner.

I knock on the door. There is no response. I knock again. And still there is no response. I do a series of knocks and calling Dew’s name this time, but still there is no response.

          I look through the window of her room; well, all is in place, only she is not there.

          “Jonathan?” someone calls from behind and I turn back to face him.

          “Rico, it’s you…” I say in relief. “Do you know where Dew is?”

          “Oh, didn’t she tell you already?” He asks with eyes in confusion.

          “What? Well, last night we…” I say, trying to think back. “We just spent time with each other.”

          “Didn’t she give you anything?” He asks in disbelief.

          And thinking back, I remembered…

          Don’t open that now. Rather, open it tomorrow morning. Promise me, will you?

          “She gave me a folded paper, that’s all.” I say.

          “Oh, you better read it now, Jon.” He says. And it sounds like it’s something very delicate. Something very important, that my feet get itchy with the ground.

          “Thank you, Rico. I’ll go anyway.” I say. “See ya!” He salutes, but in his eyes, I see loneliness.

 

          The moment I reach home, I look for the pants I wore last night. I just hope it hasn’t joined the laundry yet. I look for it in my bedroom, and there it is. I scan for the folded paper Dew gave me in the pockets. And when I feel it in my palm, I draw it out and open it.

 

Dear Jonathan,

 

          I hope you really meant it when you promised me that you’d only open this the morning after. Good if you have done so. May I just tell you, that the moment you read this, I must be travelling, or on the verge of death.

          First of all, I want to thank you for being the best among all the best persons I’ve ever known and had in my whole life. We may have misunderstandings at times but still we managed to make it through up until the last moment. Thank you for being with me always, from the start. Thank you for never leaving my side and always supporting me. And thank you for the memories we’ve shared.

          I’d like to say sorry if I have hurt you most, because of acting numb, because that is just my own way of helping you get over me once ‘that’ time comes. Sorry for making you feel bad at most times. And Sorry if I have been acting mean lately.

          Anyway, I want to tell you through this letter, that I love you Jonathan, so much, more than I love anyone else, with all my heart, but oftentimes I’d just say you’re someone special " very special.

          About Rico? You took it as an issue with the both of us, don’t you think? Because I just like him as he is someone very nice and someone you can open up with. I enjoyed his company, I admit, but it couldn’t be avoided. Actually, we are really talking about you at all. About how will I keep my feelings hidden and how will I help you.

          I know you are my best friend, but sometimes, not to hurt your best friend badly, you must not tell them some things. I entrusted everything to Rico instead. He helps me a lot when we have problems, especially when we started to have blurs in our relationship. And I’m sure he helps you draw yourself to me, too.

          I’d like you to know, so you may at least know the truth, that I have a very weak heart with a hole, that’s why I’ve been trying to make you hate me lately, so in case I die, you wouldn’t be that much hurt even if it means cursing me to death.

          Tomorrow, I am scheduled to undergo an operation for a heart transplant. We all hope for the best of that. But due to my special blood condition, that’s why I’ve been abnormally pale ever since, the surgeon himself told me that I have the least chance of surviving, about five percent. He never told my mother and my sister this, only him, you, me and Rico knows, and I have no choice anyway. If I don’t undergo a heart transplant, for around six months, I’d still die anyway, so I had to take risks. I’m not being pessimistic, but I am looking ahead at things. I just don’t want to see you from the other side, in case this operation fails, crying all over and over for me because of love. I know how much I really mean to you, and I hope you know how much you really mean to me as well. I don’t want you to be hurt so bad. I don’t want to destroy you because of me.

          We started our drift-away since third year, and that time, my doctor diagnosed me and found out about this already severe condition of mine, so that’s why I purposely told you I liked Rico, maybe at least, I could give you more time to find another one to love. Well, since first year, I have always felt your love, Jon, so since third year, I knew about it. I just had to confirm it.

          One time last year, you kissed me. That was the first time we kissed. I’d tell you now that I didn’t avoid you because I was offended. I acted like I was offended so you would conclude wrongly, but actually, it was one of the most beautiful happenings in my little life, as it is my dream. Anyway, that only means that in case I die, you will surely suffer, because that kiss only means that your love for me had grown greater, which is worse for you. Days after, I started to avoid and even hurt you in small ways again, to make you hate me " that’s my real purpose. But I failed. Rico told me, before graduation, that we must have to talk about things and clarify such. He said it’s better to live in the bitter truth, than to live under beautiful lies and falseness and then be surprised of how worse the truth had become.

          Anyway, I’d like you to know, Jon, that whenever I hug someone, I always imagine them to be you, that’s why sometimes you catch me looking at you while feeling their warmth.

          And this night, I hope everything’s settled between us. In case I wouldn’t be able to spit out what I wanted to say to you, I prepared this letter so it wouldn’t be harder to explain.

          Again, I just wish for the best " for the success of my operation, and for the best of everything.

          From now onwards, always take care of yourself. I may not be able to anymore. Forget that you love me. But never forget me and that you are someone special " very special.

          Always go for a walk under the stars, whenever you feel lonely, and know that I’m just high above, watching over you, guiding you as the least I can do.

          How I wish we could have another hug and another kiss.

          Lastly, I want you to remember how much you really mean to me " how much I love you, Jon.

 

-Dewtrey Mische

 

          I slowly sit down on my bed, more like shocked, trying to absorb and understand everything that I have read. Is she damn serious? So she has been in love with me all the while, too. She is not the one who’s numb, after all; rather, it was me.

          My chest grows heavy, and my eyes moisten. Eventually, my tears fall when I start to remember everything, from the very start…

          When we were almost like strangers in our elementary years, when we became the best of friends since first year, when we shared more happy memories in our second year, when I became overprotective of her out of love last year, when she blew the candles in her birthdays and I’m with her, when she laughed with me, smiled with me, and became happy with me…

          When we learned what ‘closure’ is, the hug, the kiss, the linked hands, and our walks under the stars. And what greatly breaks my heart is the line, “You’re someone special " very special.”

          I look through my window, and see the black butterfly flying from outside towards the window itself, and I sob hard, all the while, her voice resonating all over and over again in my head…

          “You’re someone special " very special.”

 

A WALK UNDER THE STARS

 

          I walk slowly, passing through stones, lighting the way with the flashlight I brought with me, despite the darkness of the night. I must be there whatever happens. This is Dew’s second death anniversary. Yes, she died. She didn’t make it back alive. The operation failed. Contented already?

          Every month since her death, as I’ve been busy in college life, I always pay her grave a visit, and I do it purposely at night. Sometimes, Rico goes with me to also pay her a visit.

          Once I reach there, I take my position by sitting right in front of the tombstone where her name, Dewtrey Mische is beautifully engraved. I light two white thick candles and put it between me and the gravestone. I then close my eyes and talk to her in my mind.

          Hey there, Dew. I wonder how you’re doing in the other side. Here where you left me, it’s still the same, but the pain had some parts of it gone already. Time really heals wounds, I believe. I wonder when is the time that I’ll be finally able to let go and move on, but I hope that it is soon.         Anyway, you won’t be forgotten. I’ll never forget you… especially that dream of yours, and the words that you said to me, “You’re someone special " very special.” It’s been two years already, don’t you think it’s long enough?

          Lastly, I came back here to bring you this letter you last left me. I’m done reading this all over and over again, you know? It just makes the pain fresh. Maybe it’s not bad to return it back to its owner. At least here, I could start to move on.

          For now, I won’t be long, Dew. I still have lots to do. Watch over us and always take care there, anyways. How I wish we could have a walk under the stars once again. I love you and I always will.

          The moment I open my eyes, tears just fall from those, but I quickly wipe those off to avoid further emotional trouble. Then I leave her last letter neatly folded and seemingly new, pinned at both ends by the candles before her grave.

          I stand up, turn around and silently move away, leaving the place.

          “It gets lonely again.” I whisper. And the cool evening breeze blow hard. I look back at her grave. The candles lose their flames, and the paper is taken by the wind away into the starry sky.

          I smile and I look above. The stars are all over and it’s real bizarre!

          Then, as a tear runs from my eye, I close my eyes, imagine her beside me, we are holding hands, fingers locking each one, and we’re off for a walk under the stars.

          But reality is different from imagination. When I open my eyes, I just smile.

          It’s a walk under the stars, again, yet alone in reality. Then from nowhere I hear a whisper…

          “You’re someone special " very special.”

-FIN-

Reviews

[Turquoise Unicorn]

This story was beautifully written, but the plot seems uncannily similar to I'll Be There. You created a very emotional story, and this one didn't have a too-miraculous ending.
Would you read and review the two short stories I uploaded? I'd really like to know if they're any good.

[Prime]

Sorry for the late reply. Thank you for the review anyway.
Yep, I'll read yours. And I'm not really a good judge. I write just for fun, and as long as I find a written work interesting then it would be good for me too!

[Sue Hart]

The emotion of this is well done. The relationship you built so quickly and gave love to was very sweet. The harshness of loosing a loved one was sad and well written. It was a good story. Thanks for sharing it.

[Prime]

Thank you @Sue Hart.