Times that keep us apart

A version of love in the closest meaning I have come to

I loved you, the first time I loved in the meaning of true love and I loved you, but now you are somewhere else, as I was back then, a different state of mind, a different person coming to, becoming closer to what I am now, not quite there yet, but I think about you, every now and then when the day is done and it all seems so far and it's all too much, I sit alone and you come to mind, in such a time of confusion and disarray around me, I think of the times I had peace, the times I had peace of mind when my thoughts concluded with you at day's end, that brings Me certain agony inside, to know that you loved me, and to know how hard I worked to keep love away, to consider the thought of giving in, it's all smoke now and seems so distant, I barely feel you anymore, the warmth in my chest is just a vague memory, I can't shake the feeling that with you I could achieve what I have been fighting all this time, and I truly hope you have it on your own, because to me you were good, and that will have to be enough, I always remember telling you that if you ever at any point in life found your way back to me, it would be just me and you, I would simply drop everything else, just to know for certain that I did not allow my peace to leave my side, it's hard sometimes to carry all the thoughts and life's troubles when you are alone, I always think if I had another to bare my days with, but then again I chased after deceiving choices and now I have them and just as they promised, they don't fill the hole we create going after this path of life, I have to live with my choices so I am here now and you are somewhere else, in time and in memory we might still have a touch between us, a last attempt at the life we all come to find we left behind a long time ago. Im afraid, it's so dark in my head now, there is no light around me anymore, that just makes me feel that much further from you.

Don't you ever feel helpless love, don't you ever feel the cold grip of lifeless hands, and look down and see your own, this empowered man of ours has a different way of doing things, and when the time comes the things we held most dear are the ones to save us from the ice and darkness of what awaits in the depths of our wants, good luck learning your life ,for the ones that hold my sanity will never be touched, and everyone else, they will look up and watch