A note to the girl I love.

A note to the girl I love.

A Poem by GeorgiaR

The girl had these eyes that had a beautiful sadness, 

because she knew she could never have what she wanted. 

So, she loved someone else, with pieces of broken glass, she stabbed herself cutting of body parts to give to him. 

But, what good was a body without a heart. 

The girl carried on, loving the boy who couldn't love her like me. 

I think deep down he knew that her love was inadequate, because when he saw me he was white, no longer the cool white, like a lemonade on a hot summer's day, but the kind of white reserved for ghosts.

But still, she loved him inadequately in comparison to me.

I do not see the girl I loved now. 

Those eyes now held an ugly happiness, because she knew this was everything she needed, but not what she wanted. 

So, she love him, with pieces of gold, she carved herself, making him love her too. 

But, what good was a sculpture, without the one she wanted to look at her. 



© 2017 GeorgiaR



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I love the way this is written. It has such a deep message. I just wish it would go on. I thought that the ending, starting from "I think deep down" could be written more clearly. I was confused on what a "ugly happiness" was. My last critique would be to just fix the grammatical errors scattered throughout. Overall, I think this could be brought to a higher level and really be just amazing. It sounded and felt so realistic I wouldn't doubt if these are real feelings.

Posted 2 Months Ago



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Added on August 15, 2017
Last Updated on August 15, 2017

Author

GeorgiaR
GeorgiaR

Cheshire, Cheshire, United Kingdom



About
I'm just a girl who likes reading words on a page. more..

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