The Snake Sheds His Love

The Snake Sheds His Love

A Poem by Greg Farina

Tears in your eyes cause you to blink

At everyone passing by.

I’ve read you well, or so you think,

Just because I smile.


An honest man am I, when I

Have nothing to gain in my labor.

The fortune-teller tells no lies,

Except if fortune favors.


While day seemed all around,

I came into your dreams one night,

Youthful laughter was the sound,

An old man was the sight,


And when I seize you in my arms,

Playing kind, playing the fool,

I’ll know that you will love my charm,

And I am wiser to be cruel.


© 2017 Greg Farina



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Featured Review

Well crafted with great imagery and wondrous flow. The musicality gets a bit wonky on the last line ("wisdom" doesn't carry over as well as it should), and the second line of the last stanza has a grammatical issue in pairing. "Kind" is an adjective whereas "fool" is a noun, and that "and" cannot link such a pair. It would have to be either "kind and foolish" (which wouldn't work with the rhyme) or "Playing both the [noun that epitomizes kinds] and fool". Other than that, this is great. Well done!

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Greg Farina

2 Months Ago

Thanks a lot for the feedback! I think maybe (And I could be wrong) the last line reads better if yo.. read more
emipoemi

2 Months Ago

whether or not you pause is no matter, it's actually wisdom is a tad wordy for the musicality to car.. read more
Greg Farina

2 Months Ago

Yeah, I get what you mean now. I'm sure I'll think of something.



Reviews

I like it, mate! Short, great concept and too the point! :)

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Greg Farina

2 Months Ago

Thank you very much!
Celt of the Redland Realm

2 Months Ago

*to, sorry
so good the rhyming isn't overdone, it somehow makes your poem more eloquent which is a rarity to me. Very different from my personal style but I still loved it

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Greg Farina

2 Months Ago

Thanks a lot!
Well crafted with great imagery and wondrous flow. The musicality gets a bit wonky on the last line ("wisdom" doesn't carry over as well as it should), and the second line of the last stanza has a grammatical issue in pairing. "Kind" is an adjective whereas "fool" is a noun, and that "and" cannot link such a pair. It would have to be either "kind and foolish" (which wouldn't work with the rhyme) or "Playing both the [noun that epitomizes kinds] and fool". Other than that, this is great. Well done!

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Greg Farina

2 Months Ago

Thanks a lot for the feedback! I think maybe (And I could be wrong) the last line reads better if yo.. read more
emipoemi

2 Months Ago

whether or not you pause is no matter, it's actually wisdom is a tad wordy for the musicality to car.. read more
Greg Farina

2 Months Ago

Yeah, I get what you mean now. I'm sure I'll think of something.

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96 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on July 30, 2017
Last Updated on August 3, 2017
Tags: Love, Antisocial, Lies, Woman, Wisdom




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