BElieve in YOUrself

This is a short story about a teenage girl and self confidence with her body image. I hope this story can help everyone who reads it.

Believe in

Yourself

Our reflections hurt.

Painful stabs in her self-esteem bring it to an all-time low.  Her stomach bulges, and she feels as if she has let herself down.

 She is young, beautiful, and kind. If only she could lose the weight, at least ten pounds to start with; twenty pounds eventually. Then she could be pretty again.

At least she would believe that she was pretty again.

Staring, scrutinizing herself in the mirror. All her friends have flat stomachs. She doesn’t. She tries to work out every day. She tries and tries but nothing seems to work.

Ever.

She hates herself, so she shoves her pebble colored baggy sweatshirt over the bulge that is her belly, attempting to forget that she is not pretty like most teenage girls.

 Walking out of her room she remembers an important little detail in her day. She has to go to school.

School- The place she loves. Libraries, learning, unlimited opportunities, and a constant reminder of the unquestionable number of girls that are better than her,  all girls that can step away from the chocolate like it’s their second nature. Something that she has struggled to do for far too long.

Stepping out the door and avoiding people so that no one will notice her skipping breakfast.

 But the only thing she craves is excess amounts of food. Its ok, she tells herself. There was nothing healthy to eat anyway.

 The ride to school takes forever and she is not particularly eager to be reminded that she has no self-control unlike all her friends.

 She is a failure.

There is more than one thing weighing on her mind as she passes countless couples in the halls. But she is not worthy comparatively.

 At least that’s what she tells herself. Closing her locker an unforgettable face lays behind it waiting.

“Hey there.” He says charming as always.

“Hi.” She answers in a small voice. Pulling the sweater down to cover as many imperfections as possible. But he picks up on the movement.

“What are you doing?” He asks

“What do you mean.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t know just a habit by now, I guess.” She says shyly wondering why in the world he would take one second out of his day to talk to a shy fat girl.

“It’s not a very good habit.” He stated.

“Excuse me?” she said temper rising.

“Because why would you want to cover up something so beautiful and perfect?”

She stood there speechless.

He touched her chin ever so slightly as to raise her head. A clear sign of how she viewed herself. Her posture lifted following the path of her head, and he walked away.

She was dazed going into class, and the next class, and the next one. she just couldn’t get it out of her head that somebody could see her like she was one of the flat-stomached flawless girls that surrounded her.

 But he didn’t seem to see them. No, he only saw her beauty. Her unquenchable beauty.

Going home that day she had a new way of seeing things. A new way of seeing herself.

 Instead of hating every reflection, she embraced every sight of herself. Whether it be in the mirror or the window pane in a shopping mall.

 She saw herself not in a good light with rose colored glasses. But in the light of something much, much better.

Reality.

The next morning, she did not skip breakfast, she limited herself to a small amount of chocolate instead of none or way too much. She loved the person that starred back in the morning right before she left for school. So, she didn’t wear the over-sized sweaters to cover up insecurities.

 She accepted them.

She always had the potential for accepting herself. she was just stuck in her self-consciousness and he pulled the confidence right out of her. But it was there all the while.

Each day one small step was taken. The next day she put on a tiger colored, curve hugging, tank top with a lace up front. It was her. Not her low self-esteem. But it signified her personality. Fun, confident, smart, bubbly, and sexy.

She walked down those halls head held high. Let me just say heads turned and they kept turning. It wasn’t that nobody thought she wasn’t good enough this entire time. It’s that she kept herself hidden and reserved.

Could she lose any weight? Yes. Did that insinuate she was ugly or unworthy of anything? No.

 

 

Over time her love for wanting to be healthy took over and she did not want a flat stomach or perfect body.

 She only wanted a healthy lifestyle and with being healthy came her reward of a flat belly and wonderful body. But not because she skipped meals, but because she allowed herself to be loved and nourished in all the right ways.

Even though she did get that flat tummy, it was not her true reward.

 Her real reward was the ability for total self-love and acceptance on the deepest level within.

 Her confidence grew every day. It grew into the diamond it is, perfect, shining, and unbreakable. Nothing can bring her down she’s unstoppable.

 

Be your own kind of beautiful.

Reviews

[Rye]

WOW! just plainly awesome! I throughly enjoyed this write

[Yari Garcia]

Lovely :-) I like how her change was prompted by another person. Sure, we all want to be independent and empowered and such~ but I love stories that show just how much good we can do for each other.

I hope one day your writing gets published, or goes out and is read by a large audience~ because it all has a very positive message.

Yari

[Warrior]

Thank you so much.
I needed to hear that since I've been doubting my work and myself.
Thank you

[APOORVA]

She hates herself, so she shoves her pebble colored baggy sweatshirt over the bulge that is her belly, attempting to forget that she is not pretty like most teenage girls.
Walking out of her room she remembers an important little detail in her day. She has to go to school.
an emotional one, reflecting an anxiety of heart. many girl develop that complex in there hearts for about not being beautiful enough. they start judging themselves according to others. I appreciate these lines of yours.


Each day one small step was taken. The next day she put on a tiger colored, curve hugging, tank top with a lace up front. It was her. Not her low self-esteem. But it signified her personality. Fun, confident, smart, bubbly, and sexy.
She walked down those halls head held high. Let me just say heads turned and they kept turning. It wasn’t that nobody thought she wasn’t good enough this entire time. It’s that she kept herself hidden and reserved.
Could she lose any weight? Yes. Did that insinuate she was ugly or unworthy of anything? No.
Aah, you have an explicit approach of writing. very well written and I appreciate it.

[Warrior]

thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed it. hopefully this piece will help as many people as possible realize the truth that we are all beautiful just not in the same ways. but if everyone looked the same as lets say the kardashians that would be so boring and weird we are all different and thats the worlds gift to us
:)

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

There are those who confuse what beauty is and what is not, Plato says beauty is in the smallest places, and sometimes in those only your eyes can witness, so how can you look into a reflection waiting for it to respond to your questions? So where do we stand? Will we wait, or jump without hesitation? This was amazing

[Warrior]

wow thank you for the immense compliment. that is a very good point you raise to how we all see beauty. and sometimes that beauty is not in how a person looks, but in how they act. selfishness is ugly, and a kind heart is beautiful beyond compare even if the wrapping it comes in is not obvious beauty to the naked eye.
thank you again. :)

[aj milton]

Writing from the heart is always powerful. You have plenty of "learning points" about editing and format from other reviewers, so I won't add to those.

I liked it because it came across as honest and heart felt.
If you write because it is cathartic for you - great!
If you write because you enjoy to write - great!
If you write to share your feelings and message - great!

[Warrior]

thank you i write because of everything you just noted mostly the last one.

[DB Heinemann]

Alright, not too bad. It's certainly got an important theme to it.

One thing I definitely noticed is how much it jumped. One second, it's this nameless girl with body issue, suddenly this random guy (does she know him or was he really random?) is like, "sup" then we never see him again but it was the magical thing that made her change her entire life. I get this lack of smooth transition and natural growth. It just kind of happens. I'd suggest maybe lengthening the story, figure out who that random guy is. Let us hear her thoughts and transitions from someone who can't stop eating to someone who eats right, maybe gets help. Give it some proper development. A name wouldnt hurt, either, but it's not required. More details, mostly. That's the main thing.

Not too bad otherwise. Reads more like a poem than a story. Not a very boring subject matter, either. Not bad.

[barleygirl]

I like the way you use the first letters of your title to subliminally say: "BE YOU". Good job describing all the true-to-life self-conscious mannerisms & how the guy at the locker encouraged her to NOT hide herself. Good job putting a ton of details into a short vignette that's about the right length for today's short attention spans. I think this story could be lengthened to include more showing of her transformation (it seems a little sudden), as such life changes are more likely to happen gradually. But I also know that the longer stories do not get as much attention on this website. I'm not crazy about the fact that it takes a guy to show this narrator her true worth (kinda cliché) but that's how it often happens. We start out doing things for another person, but then your narrator goes on to develop her own self-confidence on her own terms, which is good. Better that the guy was a catalyst, but not the one she's trying to impress. We need to make our inner changes to satisfy ourselves.

In a few places, you used more general words when specifics would draw a more vivid word picture for your readers. Here's an example: "But the only thing she craves is excess amounts of food." . . . This would come alive more if you showed us instead of telling us, what are the exact foods she's craving? Maybe she sees the cookie jar on the counter & imagines stuffing her face with them -- this would be more realistic & vivid than "excess amounts of food" (which is a pretty general & cerebral way to say it).

All in all a good progression of this narrator's day & life & mindset, written to inspire others to find their own self-satisfaction thru transformation.

[Warrior]

I want to thank you all endlessly for your amazing comment and advice I cherish each one individually. I have been writing for a few months now and recently a friend of mine read this one and encouraged me to post it somewhere I was really self conscious about doing that. so you guys have given me so much confidence to keep going. I can't express how much this means to me.
-GirlOnileWriter

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Dear Authoress! : )
What a great story title, Adelaide, and what a lovely name you have.
Well, as I've shared with you, ie: that I may not have what it takes to be a great reviewer of stories, but I know when one is enjoyable for me to read, and yours carries and conveys a meaningful message for many whom suffer from such unfortunate social identification equality, as the essence of this work so aptly and clearly addresses.
Whether the story reflects your own personal issues, or that of others' you are aware of, I think you've offered those reading your words some true salvation from that which bothers so many young girls and boys … men and women, too, I'm thinking.

Adelaide, I most gratefully thank you for sharing your inspiring thoughts and feelings in the form of a very positively inspiring story, and I thank you, also, for reading and leaving your nice review on one of my humble little poems.
I think you did very well … it is obvious you enjoy sharing your thoughts and feelings, and your penmanship shows much promise; I would like to see you continue developing your intriguingly enjoyable writing skills, as I enjoy your style … big hugs to you, Dear Lady Author! ⁓ Richard : )

[Nigel Newman]

Adelaide Hi. You sent a message asking for readers so her I am. I hope you're courteous enough to return the favour.

Well you've tackled a very tricky issue which a lot of folk simply don't understand. The whole anorexia / self image / lack of self worth is a big deal in western society, and you've handled it, to me eyes, very well. I suppose it's up to anyone in this situation to decide whether the journey this girl went on is realistic, right for them, etc but it sounded credible to me - perhaps your own personal experience or that of someone you know well?

Other feedback has already pointed out 'starring' when we think you mean 'staring'. Here are some other grammar and spelling things to consider. I've stopped after the first few para's as many of the factors recur throughout and you can make any edits you feel are warranted based on the suggestions for the first half:
- if only (first para) should have capital I
- at least ten pounds to start with twenty pounds eventually ... you need a hyphen or some other pause after 'start with'
- she tries and tries but ... capital S
- Attempting to forget that she is not pretty like most teenage girls. This is not grammatically a sentence. All you need to do is change to 'attempting' and precede it with a comma rather than a full stop.
- Walking out of her room she remembered an important ... you've switched tense to past tense. All the rest has been present tense which I think works better in this story as it feels more immediate and engaging; so 'she remembers' perhaps
- The place she loved. This is actually a quite important tense to get right, i.e. what you intended. Do you mean she used to love it but less so now, in which case 'a place she used to love' might be clearer; or do you mean she still loves it, in which case 'loves' is obviously better than 'loved'. As you can see, this is quite an important one for the reader to understand as the two meanings are quite different.
- Libraries, learning, unlimited opportunities, and a constant reminder of the unquestionable number of girls that are better than her. All girls that can step away from the chocolate like it’s their second nature. Something That (small t) she has struggled to do for far too long. Stepping out the door and avoiding people so that no one notices her skipping breakfast. Grammatically none of these 4 'sentences' are actually sentences. I have similar issues, which is why I mainly do poems where writers can get away with far less attention to grammar!!! So to take the last one as an example, you could change it to 'She steps out the door, avoiding anyone who might notice her skipping breakfast'
- Its ok ... should be It's
- But she is not worthy comparatively. This feels like a line that should be saying more than it does. It's there in the story, but I don't think it carries the amount of impact that the girl would have been feeling about herself. Something like 'Compared with the happy self assured couples breezing along the corridor, she feels unworthy.' This might say more. Your call, but I think this line could have more punch with a bit of thought.

You might feel I've been a bit school-teacher'ish, and choose to dismiss what I say. Well there are plenty of readers and writers on WC who won't notice or be bothered about grammar and punctuation, so it's your call really. Whichever way you feel, the heart of storytelling is the flow of the narrative, and you have that skill. I used to have a colleague who would tell stories to her friends at school, and 25 years on she's writing chicklit and children's stories for fun. You seem like a natural storyteller. And, back to my first point, you have started with a very difficult and sensitive topic for which you've presented a very credible story.

So my advice is keep writing stories. Proof-read, put it down for a day, then proof-read again, and ask a friend who's a bit nerdy about grammar and punctuation to take a look, then your writing will appeal to the widest possible audience. But above all, keep writing stories!

BRs Nigel