Failure

The biggest fight we all face is within ourselves. The lack of initiative to make things better, the lack of fight for what is right, is our biggest failure. Step up and assert yourself.

Forgetting that you have the power to

Assert yourself over defeated

Insidious evil that so often

Leaves us drained. Thus

Undermining our

Relying on things

Eternal.

Reviews

[David Benson]

I'm an economical kind of writer, so my critiques tend to be about tightening. This work is already tight, but for me, there's a couple of words that I believe aren't needed, or don't quite work.

In the second line, I would delete "the" in front of "defeated" so the line reads "Assert yourself over defeated" For me that's more powerful.

In the third line, I woulnd't use the word "insidious." It's a good word, but in this case limits the definition of evil to a single word, that being insidious. I think that you mean for evil to be more than that - something much more powerful, yet not quite as powerful as the eternal. For me, I think the line would be more powerful as, "Evil that so often"

In the fourth line, I think "Leave" should be "Leaves"

Nice work. Evocative.