Order In The Court I'll have A Martini/The Trial Of BoneA Story by John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo
The sad part of this is the basis of this story is true yeah and people think im a dumdass once isnat true im a drunken dumbass yeah thers a differece
The courtroom was more stiff than a old man on viagra.
Half the room showed up from are small little town for lack of having that strange thing called a life.
The charges were tuff shoplifting caught on videotape.
All hopes looked grim and my best drinking buddy looked like he was heading to that iron bar rehab
were the promise of no booze, No drugs, No sex okay maybe Bone was already used to that one
well of course if you find hairy weight lifting fellons attractive and lets face girls who doesnt like Bad boys .
Well maybe then it wasnt all so bad.
No more sleeping on your stomach im just saying.
But enough with the foreplay.
It seemed all hope was lost but never fear cause when your friends with a half insane repeat offender
the s**t can only get worse.
I busted through the doors like a half insane teenager going to worship the antichrist Justin Bieber.
Judge I will be repressenting the client .
Sir Are you even a lawyer?
Judge I assure you im a decorated attorney why i have my degree right here .
The naughty woman judge took the paper ever so forcefully from my hands mmm I wonder what she's wearing under that robe hey I dig chicks who are into the whole bedroom clothes in the public thing.
judge may I ask you something?
Looking at me in the way so many women have befor.
Like they dont know if they should use the pepper spray or just give me a swift kick in the no no zone.
The Judge said yes but be brief weirdo.
Well have we met befor?
Yes we have dipshit I sent you to maple for six months for fruad she replied in that stern
ive gotta gavel and a batman robe voice that just drove the boys wild or usally made them piss themselves like puppies on the new carpet.
Sir this degree looks bogus.
Your honor why ever would you say that .
Cause its from F.U. Universty.
The strange mall cop in the court laughed once made the judge shoot him a look like he wasnt getting any desert tonight after dinner im kidding besides he probaly doesnt even like desert
Look Mr Gonzo im tired of this crap i hate life i sit on this hard a*s seat everyday and if your fool of a client wants a fool for a lawyer be my guest.
I walked back to sit next to dead man walking better known as Bone.
Gonz what the f**k are you doing?
Dude i got this i watched the Lincon lawyer like five times last night this is gonna be a breeze.
The trail began the uptight party downer began speaking in big words talking how it was wrong to steal.
Your honor I ubject.
On what grounds?
Duh stealing is what the whole country is based on hey ever here of the indians look what we did to them.
Took there country forced them on thoose casinos and even made one join
the village people I mean really Y.M.C.A is but a cry for help that and a party song for most bars
were really nice old guys buy you drinks for no reason at all.
You mean gay bars you idiot!
The strange man at the other table said.
Sure there gay who wouldnt be happy wearing leather pants dancing allnight long not that I did
I was just there looking for directions and getting free drinks.
Order In the court! the judge shouted.
I looked to the strange man they called the prosecutor once sounded like a great name for a pro wrestler with being a lawyer as well no wonder this man was cranky.
Ha Ha your in trouble i said in such a grown up way with just a hint of village idiot.
Mr Gonzo one more outburst and im throwing you in jail right with your friend now zip it.
I checked but my pants were already zipped yes i knew she wanted me .
After as few good laughs from the courtroom.
We began speaking of all sorts of boring crap of right wrong and on the verge of going into a coma.
The strange man called the prosecutor stood up your honor I pressent the evidence that will seal this case air tight.
The rent a cop wheeled out a tv kickass finally we can watch tv
hey i wonder is baywatch on?
Bone put his head in his hands just kill me now.
The prosecutor put in the tape.
The film was in black in white s**t i hate student films.
Some man seemed to put a steak in his pants what a dumbass everyone knows a salami looks more real
in hung like a elephant freak show way yes size does matter.
After the student film the room was silent yeah must have bored them all to death like me.
What was hollywood thinking silent films were s**t duh we have speakers for a reason.
Mr Gonzo would you like to make a final plea.
Standing befor the room semi sober i took a deep long look around the room
Friends Romans and Canadians I ask you is it a crime to want to appear hung like a horse
yeah sure we all wanna fit in okay maybe something that size would never fit well maybe in some freaky internet porn freak but really.
My client stands acussed of buying beer and stealing a six dollar steak but I ask.
Did he steal or was this video tamppred with.
That SGi s**t is everywhere okay and its destroying movies wow 3D movies there the newest thing that have been around since the eightees okay.
yeah I know thats like back in the depresion era.
I took a deep breath and knocked the the tv over ohh im sorry.
Well judge looks like no evidence no case wanna ditch this place go grab a few drinks
maybe find a room you can bring your gavel hey chicks who are into kinky stuff need love to.
The judge looked at me in what i can assume was a state of utter awww.
Later that evening.
See Bone I told you id solve everything .
You f*****g idiot you got us both locked up.
Duh now you wont have to spend this whole time alone sure your gonna be there a few months
and i'll be out in like two weeks but jesus you ungreatful b*****d look all im giving up.
Besides everyone knows i make the best toilet wine around hey one eye Winchel loved my last batch and he normally kills his cell mates.
Look it'll be like a sleep over in a place we cant leave or have any privacy how bad could it be?
Bone thought to himself yeah your write Gonzo
cause after i kill you they'll give me the electric chair for sure.
Yeah see wait a minute.
In the flash of a eye Bone's hand were wrapped around my throat d****t why didnt they let me bring my rape whistle.
As i was being choked to death I really had to wonder about are friendshi[p I swear you go all out for someone yeah ya get em sent up the river but duh it's the thought that counts.
Untill next time kids stay crazy and dont drop the soap.
© 2012 John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo
John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo
knotts Island NC, NC
AboutWell im a Baroom Poet,Comedian,And full time madman of the net. Ive been a bouncer, bartender,Dj,worked many a construction job,you name I probaly did it but enough with the foreplay amigos .. more..