Time Isn't Everything

Time Isn't Everything

A Poem by Nicholas Duboe
"

A poem based on the concept of being able to capture time. I hope you enjoy it!

"

Time Isn't Everything


If I could trap time in a bottle,

I promise I'd use it for good,

I'd give my mom a few more years,

and give my daughters all I could.


I'd tie them up in beautiful ribbon,

I'd tie them up in silky bows,

I'd give a lot of them away as gifts,

Or sell them in traveling shows.


Perhaps they would call me Father Time,

As they came to see my face,

Maybe just to get a bottle from me,

Wrapped up in pretty lace.


But all the people I had seen,

Would inevitably fall away,

As I couldn't give time to everyone,

To live another day.


Then I'd sit alone with all my time,

With nothing left but me,

And realize that time isn't everything,

But the people within it, you see.


© 2017 Nicholas Duboe



Author's Note

Nicholas Duboe
Thanks for reading! Please feel free to let me know what you think!

(Also feel free to check out my other poem "The Wind Still Needs a Chime" as it is in the same fashion as this piece and hopefully I will be able to create a series of these.)

Extra info on this poem:
Runner Up in a contest with 97 submissions.
2nd Best Poet in a contest with 21 submissions.

My Review

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Reviews

Another fun gem! With this one, if I may, a couple of notes have risen to my attention:

1. "I'd tie them up in beautiful ribbon" - the "them" is a little obscure....though we end up realizing that it's actually referring to the time/bottles, at the point of coming to the first "them", the last plural noun was "daughters" with "mom" by logic also forming part of the group....so it at first glance, it seems you're tying up your mom and daughters. Since "time" and "bottle" both are singular without any reference of you taking the time of every day respectively and storing it in bottles to then give or sell (or keep). The third line of this stanza is two syllables too wordy for the musicality to handle (and quite frankly, the two syllables in question are also unnecessary to get the point across). Either "as gifts" or "away" could be dispensed with, and the musicality would therefore run smoothly, and you still make the point clear (I'm in favour of dispensing with "away" since "give as gifts" sounds really good to the ear).

2. Stanza 3 - "Perhaps THEY'D call me Father Time" and dispense with "from me" in Line 3 (helps with the musicality).

3. "And realize that time isn't everything" - shorten "realize" to a monosyllabic synonym for you would help the musicality that way.

That is all. This is otherwise very fun, and you have a very good thing going here. Well done!


Posted 5 Months Ago


this is so creative, the imagination you used in this poem is just mind blowing! truly loved it.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nicholas Duboe

6 Months Ago

Wow thank you so much! I really appreciate this awesome comment!
Anjali

6 Months Ago

You're welcome!
Articulately magical

Great Read

Matthew

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nicholas Duboe

6 Months Ago

Thank you for the comment!
A well written poem that will resonate as long as it is posted.

Great job.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nicholas Duboe

6 Months Ago

Thank you so much. I appreciate it
It's an interesting topic that of time...so very sad but also powerful...it makes me wonder how being immortal would be...

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nicholas Duboe

6 Months Ago

Thank you I'm glad you enjoyed it
Super, this is absolutely true

Posted 6 Months Ago


Nicholas Duboe

6 Months Ago

Thank you very much
This is so beautiful! I really love the opening lines - very powerful. I think the simplicity of the language is probably my favourite part because it means the true focus is on its message.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Nicholas Duboe

6 Months Ago

I appreciate it thank you
so wonderful this is.....great work...beautifully penned.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nicholas Duboe

6 Months Ago

Thank you so much
Wajiha Nayeem

6 Months Ago

pleasure....
This is great work. Reall great work. It's a truely beautiful poem, start to finish.

Great job

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nicholas Duboe

6 Months Ago

Thank you very much!

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1104 Views
44 Reviews
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Added on February 28, 2015
Last Updated on April 13, 2017
Tags: Poem, Poetry, GothikahLIVE, Time, Time Isn't Everything, Love, Family, Depression

Author

Nicholas Duboe
Nicholas Duboe

Denton, TX



About
Hello there, my name is Nicholas and I am currently 21 years old. I am a husband, a father and a son. I am also a poet and novelist. I began writing years ago using Booksie, posting many poems, winnin.. more..

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