Time Isn't Everything

A poem based on the concept of being able to capture time. I hope you enjoy it!

Time Isn't Everything

If I could trap time in a bottle,

I promise I'd use it for good,

I'd give my mom a few more years,

and give my daughters all I could.

I'd tie the bottles in beautiful ribbon,

I'd tie them up in silky bows,

I'd give a lot of them away as gifts,

Or sell them in traveling shows.

Perhaps they'd call me Father Time,

As they came to see my face,

Maybe to get a bottle from me,

Wrapped up in pretty lace.

But all the people I had seen,

Would inevitably fall away,

As I couldn't give time to everyone,

To live another day.

Then I'd sit alone with all my time,

With nothing left but me,

And realize that time isn't everything,

But the people within it, you see.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to let me know what you think!

(Also feel free to check out my other poem "The Wind Still Needs a Chime" as it is in the same fashion as this piece and hopefully I will be able to create a series of these.)

Extra info on this poem:
1st Place in a WC contest with 62 submissions.
Runner Up in a WC contest with 97 submissions.
2nd Best Poet in a WC contest with 21 submissions.

Reviews

[pia]

this is absolutely amazing. i loved the concept and the portrayal of how time is so important and valuable but at the end of the day. its the people within the time frame who are more valuable
loved th structure and the words you used for such a powerful poem

[Nicholas Duboe]

Thank you very much! I always love the comments I get on this particular piece. I am glad you read it, thank you!

[C.W.D.L.G.]

As beautiful as it is powerful. Thank you for such amazing work.

[Nicholas Duboe]

I really appreciate it!

[Meriah]

You have a talent. I really enjoyed reading this piece!

[Nicholas Duboe]

Thank you very much!

[Ehra Khan]

you're poem reminds me of a movie'In Time'...truly amazing write. I like the way you end this peice. ..that at the end of it all it would be just you and time.keep it up!

[Nicholas Duboe]

Thank you! So glad you liked it!

[Madhu]

"Then I'd sit alone with all my time,
With nothing left but me,
And realize that time isn't everything,
But the people within it, you see."

- This part left a strong message. Thank you for sharing your poetry :)

[Nicholas Duboe]

Thank you so much! Really glad you liked it!

[Madhu]

My pleasure :)

[Sophy Freebirds]

I would definitely agree with Mai here.The tense shift in third stanza[second line]. From then on it starts and it sounds bit off to me. I liked this entire concept and the moral you have gathered behind it.I would also say that i lied wrapped up poems but i do like ambiguity too.So this poem gave me a well concluded ending.Its nice as a whole.Just work and edit the tenses s**t here.Good luck

~Sophy

[Gianna Jackson]

I think the pace of this poem is poem is really nice. Each stanza represents a different reflection moments, or levels of maturity. Stanza one, for example, represents childhood and adulthood. Stanza two reverts back into the imaginative/dream stage a child might have a pond viewing the world. Stanza three, feels like you move into a blended area of adolescence and adulthood because of this cloak of imagination and aspire to help all those around you.

In stanza four, as you float back down to reality and you seem to let go of the fantasy you've transformed the voice of poem from young-dreamer into a reflective-adult. I really liked this poem. I'm giving this a 98 only because in stanza four I wish the line was "but all the people I'd see," instead of " but all the people I had seen." I can't really even tell why that sticks out at me. Maybe because of the tense shift. My opinion doesn't really matter. Great work, GothikahLIVE. I will definitely check out other pieces by you.

Thanks for sharing.

[dan]

I wish you'd give me a first name to call you, your handle is a bit cumbersome. Your writing, however, is not. You have a very smooth writing style, your pieces are well conceived and presented, replete with compelling wordplay. You have a daughter at 19? Love her like you've never loved anything or anyone before...make sure you tell her all the time, and she knows, how MUCH you love her. Before you know it you'll be in my shoes, with my son just turning 32 this year. At that point you will want to be able to look back and say, "Yeah, I did the best I could, loved her and valued her, now look at the wonderful person she is!" And you will know that your guidance and love helped to shape her INTO that person. Good luck to you. take care...dan

[Beth Joy Syiem]

Beautifully written. I like the last stanza. It gives a very new and interesting perspective on time and all its uses. Keep writing and be blessed.

[Nicholas Duboe]

Thank you very much!!

[gorillarock]

The idea of being impervious to time... terrifying. There is no greater horror than the realization of our universe, and to be prisoner with such a foe for all eternity... no thank you sir I will take my death as the passenger of time that I am. To wish immortality, even a life which extends longer than it's due course, would be an act of villainy in my eyes. Yes the horror of our existence is a powerful one, I can no longer look to the night sky without racing my heart and mind into a state of pure anxiety. Anxiety that lies completely in the fact that we appear to be fully meaningless. How could I continue to transcend time, knowing how futile all effort is? No matter my grandeur, no matter my struggles, loves, hates, it is all doomed to the same fate... Think of the judgments of our mortal race! Praised one generation, loathed by another... What is the reality of a lord of time? To what do you measure yourself? The greatest measure of humanity is what we are capable of achieving in the time we are given. In a sense, you would be stripped of your humanity if you would always continue. Material possessions would quickly loose their luster, there is no amount of money or comfort that could satisfy a human spirit forever. Yes the only true value to us humans is time, we fight harder, we eat better, we advance farther, all in the name of saving time and achieving the most with our lives. How horrifying to have the purpose that drives us to achieve be completely stripped from our existence. Oh I see our night sky, the same as anyone, and I am overwhelmed with the desire to achieve all I can in life... so I can look back on my death bed and know my legacy that I leave behind for the next generation of time passengers, and be satisfied. A meaningless endeavor in my own eyes, but think about it... if there is no grand purpose, we are free to create our own life's meaning... because we're human and feel a need to find meaning in everything. It wont matter in a billion years if I spend my life addicted to drugs, or cure cancer... I doubt our species has the capacity to keep itself strong for the next hundred years, let alone billion. You, good sir, have exposed to us what you have decided as your lifes meaning:

And realize that time isn't everything,
But the people within it, you see.

the people. BUT! You are mislead by your own creativity by saying that time isn't everything. for this poem, for a lord of time, time is meaningless. but for a mortal, time is everything... at least by my philosophy :P

THANK YOU for providing a ramble worthy piece for the mind! I'd welcome and be interested to see a response :)

[Nicholas Duboe]

Im glad my poem inspired a ramble from you. The poem is on the concept of someone who is mortal being suddenly being able to bottle time and use it different ways. And time really isnt everything. It is a concept we created so that we can feel we have some sort of reference or control over something truly unavoidable. My mother is sick so yes, if given time I would give her "a bottle". I would give those I love the chance to not worry about seconds but about each other. Also remember, those who live in fear do not live at all.

[gorillarock]

it seems to me that you live in fear of running out of time. that you do not have enough to achieve your many multitudes of aspirations. your poor mother sounds as if her time is running thin (believe me i am truly sorry to hear such tragic words) and you want to "give her time" to do the things that have not yet been done, that you so deserve to experience. you are blinded, the seconds you have left with your mother are infinitely valuable to you! as they should! you want more, you need more. this is the concept of value. if you could give time, there would be no problem. i'm telling you man!! time is the only thing we truly care about. let your mothers time run out and tell me you felt those seconds in absence were satisfying. you wont. this poem is written out of your desire to make the most of the time you have by granting more time to do more. pure compassion! please don't waste the time you have left if your mother is sick. make them worth the cost !!!

[ANTO]

A salutary tale Gothika - its like an Aesop's fable in rhyme with the overall lesson - value who and what you have as it won't last forever - but told in such a way as to not lecture but to bring the reader on a gentle journey.
The rhyming is tight and there are no stumbles - the concept is very good and the epiphany is well delivered at the end.
The title could be better I thought - but ironically enough it sounds like a song title that I love 'Time IS my everything' by Ian 'Monkey Man' Brown - that gave me a personal chuckle. *watch it on YT here -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW6cLKlKOek

A pleasure to read Gothika
:)

[Nicholas Duboe]

Thank you for the great review! Im so glad you liked it! I had never heard that song but thanks for showing me.

[ANTO]

You will know this massive hit of his
the video is mind blowing too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8f8wAXDZ9D0