Secrets

a poem about talking in my sleep

I whisper secrets to my pillow
And reach to the world from deep within my dreams
My eyes roll to look beyond my eyelids
To a world that is covered in seams

In my subconscious being
Amongst my fears that creep so heavily
I sew on patches to cover my own thoughts
So that I may live on steadliy

But they escape from under my tounge
Which fought to keep them quiet
As if overtaking an unstable airplane
In which I am no longer the pilot

So if you happen to wander by
As I sleep ever so soundly
Pay no attention to my odd secrets
They are merely my heart pounding

-Gracious

Reviews

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

This is awesome. I believe I have been told in the past that I talk in my sleep a little bit. I think everyone has talked in their sleep at least once or twice. It is out of our control in our dreams. My talking is more like mumbling when I am asleep. I wish I could record an awesome dream and find out the reason I was talking in my sleep too. Like Josh said, this is awesome and reads smoothly.

[Gracious]

Thank you so much! :)

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

You are welcome. :)

[Princess Poetry]

Phenomenal! Dreams are fascinating, especially this one.

[Andrea Mouser]

i always talk in my sleep. i used to answer y phone in my sleep. id wake up catching myself telling my secrets to strangers

[Gracious]

thats so funny :) once I woke up and I had straightened my hair and gotten dressed in my sleep

[Andrea Mouser]

Insane!! Lol. Busy body!

[Gracious]

definitely XD well thanks for your comments:) stay awesome!

[RachelRedstone]

I love it! Its so well written. I can remember waking up with my mother next to me because
I had been crying so loudly. I looked back on my dream, but nothing about it should have made me cry.Yet, my face and pillow were wet with tears. (Hey! that might make a good poem! :D)

[Gracious]

o that's so sad. but I'm really glad that you can relate :) stay awesome!

[Sam]

An excellent piece, one cannot deny, however, for the very last words, might I recommend 'heart beat profoundly' to take the place of 'pounding.' Now hear me out before you scold me. We can assume, that a heart beat is the sound, or that a heart does in fact beat. In either case, the word profoundly not only rhymes with soundly, but it takes the place of the emphasis you got from the word pounding. Change it or leave it, at least take it under advisement.

[Gracious]

Thank you very much for your suggestion. I thought about it for a while and though you are right, it would match better with the word "soundly" the intent of the line is to display that they are i fact the essence of my being as is my heart beat. Then there is the issue of the rhythm. I feel like there aren't many ways that I can fit it in that are both grammatically correct and fit with the rhythm. either way, thank you very much! Stay awesome!

[jonah]

awesome poem! i'm thinking that it has something to do with the unconscious...the strange and maybe ridiculous shapes of the unconscious mind, yet full of mysterious and surprising interpretations. i don't know if talking while sleeping is an act of balancing between the conscious and unconscious, but this poem is great and provoking. keep writing!

[Gracious]

Thanks so much for your feedback! :) Stay awesome!

[joshua deathdealer]

I really like this poem. It is relate-able as reads smoothly. Well done.