Will You Forgive Me?

This is dedicated to my true love, Shannon...I'm Sorry

I sit here in pain
with my life down the drain.
Can you forgive me?
I say with a strain.

I'm screaming inside
over this great divide.
I don't want to lose you
nor brush you aside.

It makes me feel like dirt
to see you get hurt.
To know you are wounded.
My pain is overt.

I never ment to hurt you,
I hate to see you blue.
You leave me to perish,
Cause I can't live without you.

I never ment to hurt you,
and though whats finished is through.
I pray you will forgive me.
Because, I love you.

Reviews

[Sharkapillar]

Beautifully written. Very emotional, I like it :)
However, Shannon has no heart. Fact. Don't waste your time ;)

[Mason Watts]

I like it!

[-TweetyBirdd.!-]

This is really emotional and sweet.! I think pretty much anyone who reads this can relate. And great job with the rhyming and the flow. (:

[dancing fish]

cute rhyme, sound like a hallmark card

[S. W. Scaggs]

Dear Gregory,

Thank you for the read request. A poem spoken and spewed from the heart onto notebook paper/computer screen and is seen clearly before us. This is a beautiful emotional poem of your inner sorrow and desire to fix things.

The flow rolls off great. I did find a few grammatical errors. "I say with a strain." The word strain here is a little out of context but would fit in if you reworded it. "My voice picks up and I can feel its straining." Something along those lines. Fourth stanza and fourth line, "cause" should be 'cuz. Cause is referring to something like Cause and Effect. There is really nothing wrong with this and if you added a picture to the piece, it might help visualize and help them paint a picture. Maybe a boy praying or a boy crying, pleading out in voice to the moon. It's spoken well from the heart.

Thank you again. I hope you'll always continue to write and grow. 9.9/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Kaelyn Shea]

great job ryming and stuff. i know how you fell. it sucks when we hurt the one we love and its hard to get them back. (sometimes we never do...me) any way i think you did a really great job on this

[WorldGoneNutz]

That is perfectly rhymed and well expressed.
good job and much luck in mending whats broke.

[Hollywood]

It's really good. It's sad & honest. I love it.

[snapstache]

This is sweet and sad at the same time, a perfect combination!
I loved the flow and can definately relate to it!
Once again, great poem!
*.*

[Tiarra Templeton]

This is so sad. I can completely relate to this poem right now. It's somewhat comforting, though, to know others feel your pain. This is lovely, really. Great job.