Slow Dance Into The Dark

I think I see you everywhere.

From the color of your hair,

to the color of your eyes.

As we slow dance into the dark. 

I can feel his heartbeat, it beats for me. 

. . . 

There wasn’t anyone else in her mind or in her eyes. 

He was everywhere.

"I have to let you go" she said.

"But I'm not ready just yet." 

"Let go, and know that I will always be here, 

waiting for you to slow dance with me once more." he said.

"People will come and go out of my life, 

but you, you are constant. 

The only star in my life."

He gave her a smile she will never forget. 

. . . 

As she lets go of his hands she suddenly feels the cold tugging on her.

"Maybe eventually everything will get better.

I just can’t wait for it." 

She says as she looks up at the night sky. 

Author's Note

a work in progress.

(Congratulations!
Your poem Slow Dance Into The Dark has been awarded 1st Place in the Explain Coping writing contest.)

Reviews

[Ashwin Shanker]

The sudden shift from first person to third person is a bit jarring.

If at least you could have a space between the two stanzas, it wouldn't confuse the readers as much.
Or you could present it as the lady's thoughts before shifting to third person and that would mean a bit of editing and punctuation. Since this is a work in progress, I am looking forward to what the final output could be.
Keep me posted. thanks

[Giulia King]

Is it better now?

[Ashwin Shanker]

Much better... Great job

[Giulia King]

Thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

A emotional ride in your words. I have telling people. Need more slow dancing and less escaping.
"As she lets go of his hands she suddenly feels the cold tugging on her.
"Maybe eventually everything will get better. I just can’t wait for it." She says as she looks up at the night sky. "
If I could back in time. I would slow dance in the dark more often and make the moment in the dark to last. Thank you Gullia for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Giulia King]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I would slow dance in the dark more often aswell

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Gullia.

[...]

Very nice piece. I think the dance is an important metaphor reaching much deeper than just the point of 'letting go' to me it signifies the journey .... much like the saying 'it's about the journey not the destination. Letting go marks a moment of transition though hard it's almost necessary, in order to dance again. Thoughtful melancholic write. Cheers Starz

[XO Vee]

A very touching piece, and the detail just makes you think. Great job!!

[Giulia King]

Thank you so much! I appreciate it a lot!

[ReedWrite]

Interesting piece.
There is a sense of melancholy about it, and yet, a bit of hope too.
I like the 'dance' angle...nicely done.

[Giulia King]

Even though there's sadness in this piece, I'm happy that I still can find some hope in the end. Thank you!

[Donyay Thomas]

i like it, it was like he was a shadow or a ghost

[Giulia King]

I like that thought! :)

[Shannon]

A sad tale. This line very unique: There wasn’t anyone else in her mind or in her eyes. He was everywhere.

[Giulia King]

I'm glad you like it!

[Tabby Mac]

This is great I love this! I have a thought what do you think? In the beginning you are talking in first person then switch to third example
where it says I can feel his heart beat and the next few lines ...what if you said I can feel your heartbeat it beats for me.....there wasn't anyone else in my mind ....you are everywhere....
I guesss I'm just wondering what it would sound like all in first person.

Just a thought it is beautiful the way it is!! I love the imagery too!! The emotion is spot on!
Tabby

[Giulia King]

Thank you for your feedback Tabby! As I was writing this piece I thought at first that it would sound weird because I was jumping from first person to third. But I look at it as her thinking at the beginning and then it jumps to third person. Thank you again! :)

[Giulia King]

I hope it makes sense

[Tabby Mac]

I see it now! I do love this piece!! I am swept away by its words!

[Giulia King]

Thank you for your lovely words!! :)

[Valentine]

Letting go is one of the hardest things to do in this world. Death is forever. Valentine

[Giulia King]

It really is..

[Valentine]

I know I lost my husband 3 years ago. Kathie

[Giulia King]

I'm so sorry for your loss!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Woww! When we are in love, we can see nothing except that person and anything related to that person becomes more endearing than ever. This is such a sweet piece ☺

[Giulia King]

Exactly! Thank you so much! :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You are welcome ☺