Scent Of First Love

Scent Of First Love

A Poem by Gullia King

The rain started to drizzle.
Meanwhile she waits, with her heavy heart in her hands.
Wondering if he'll shatter it in to a million pieces or place it gently in his chest. 
She tells herself, being broken can lead to something magical.
She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes and goes back to her first scent of love. 
She can't help but smile sweetly at memories of them dancing beneath the moonlight. 
When all their troubles went away like a blow in the wind. 
And the galaxies in her eyes were far more beautiful than the stars in the night sky. 
She opens her eyes and sees him.  



© 2017 Gullia King



Author's Note

Gullia King
Something short and simple. I really want to make this piece longer. Let me know what you think.



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Reviews

short but beautiful....
The rain started to drizzle.
Meanwhile she waits, with her heavy heart in her hands.
Wondering if he'll shatter it in to a million pieces or place it gently in his chest.
( I feel like this , especially if you haven't an answer about the way he may feel about you, I guess this is love it's never granted ...)
she opens her eyes and sees him... (because the only thing she can see is LOVE, wich is Him as symbol.

I Really enjoyed reading this

Posted 4 Months Ago


I admire the depth and emotion you manage to evoke in a few lines. Lovely done dear author :)

Posted 4 Months Ago


Your words are soft and romantic. I don't think it needs to be longer. I think it is lovely as is - and the graphic you chose to accompany your words is stunning :) Julie

Posted 4 Months Ago


'She can't help but smile sweetly at memories of them .. .. ' Such words truly wrap around thoughts perhaps laid dormant for a while!

There's an innocence to your poem that makes this reader smile> Now, am shaking my head, asking you to leave your poem as it is. Adding extra words would perhaps dilute the sweet anticipation and hope Only suggestion might be is.. ' She opens her eyes and sees him.. .. .. '

Posted 4 Months Ago


Gullia this is very nicely done. On balance I'd say leave it as it is. Two reasons
- Less is usually more
- You were in a particular 'place' when you wrote what you have so far, and my experience is it's very hard to get back to it. So I suspect that any new lines would actually risk the essence of what's there

I'm not very well qualified to comment on the sort of adolescent fantastic hopes you write of here. But I do like how you've done it. Like someone else, I think the galaxies line was especially nice.

Regards
Nigel

Posted 4 Months Ago


Ain't the magic and belief in love just grand, nicely written.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Smiling at her and taking her hand placing the other about her waist.
Her heart now light as a feather as they dance in their magical moonlight.

I like what you had written, I thought I'd give you a conclusion. Hope you don't mind - Dave

Posted 4 Months Ago


Ah I wish I could believe that being broken can lead to something magical but sadly I can not ... I loved the 'galaxies in her eyes' expression you used. I do feel you can add in more. This was a lovely write. The pic kind of transported me.. Well penned, Gullia :)

Posted 4 Months Ago


right from the start to finish, I love your work... keep on writing

Posted 4 Months Ago


It's beautiful. I like how there's a nice blend of love, tenderness, shyness, and wonder throughout. The line that stuck out to me most was "being broken can lead to something magical" ... it feels like she's expecting the worse but trying to be positive about it.
Regarding your author's note: I think this piece just needs one more line to feel complete, something to tie everything together, perhaps something that relates to the title. I'm sure you'll think of something good.
Thanks for sharing.

- William Liston

Posted 4 Months Ago



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Added on May 29, 2017
Last Updated on May 29, 2017

Author

Gullia King
Gullia King

New York, NY



About
Welcome to my mysterious world. I'm a lost writer from New York, trying to find some purpose in life. more..

Writing
Patience Patience

A Poem by Gullia King


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A Poem by Gullia King



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